Geek Weekly #4

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WE'RE UP TO OUR ASS IN REALLY HOT, SEX PACKED RECORDS

A LUSTY LIBRARY 20 hot blooded records written expressively for those who like their sex scenes down and dirty and very explicit! All subjects covered, including those that are taboo! We have mountains of these prick teasers for your reading enjoyment- and for as little as $1.99 each . . . a savings of up to 81%!

Cover Prices up to $14.95 for as low as $1.99 each

Furry Things debut 7" J Masscis spends a week in Dunedin with David Gedge. Or Something.

Miss Universe Duh lp/cd. New Wave Power Punk. Like all those Trance bands, but with songs.

Memphis Goons debut 7" Memphis teens listen to too much Beefheart and Zappa and get real gone. Their families hated them. Now you can, too.

Greenella "short fuse" 7" Unknown outside of Denton, big in France. "Quasiment parfair!"

Fuckemos Can kill you cd Wanna buy some drugs?

Wet "eating our is fun" 7" some left. $1.99

Hormones "cartographer of love" 7" A few of these 1-siders left. $1.99

Matt Ship/William Parker Zo cd Absolutely brilliant piano/bass duo. Whatever were we thinking?

Rise Records 2116 Guadalupe #210 Austin TX 78705 Signature ___ Age___ (Do not print) NO ORDERS ACCEPTED WITHOUT SIGNATURE Under penalty of perjury I certify by my signature above that I am 21 years of age and believe this material to be within the Community Standards of my area.

Name (Print) Address City/State/Zip

Last edit almost 7 years ago by ClaudiaDurand
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FROM THE MUSTY BASEMENT OF....

Sorry about the issues collom bieng so dry those of you who tuned in last week already know about my condition, and thats all I havee to say about that .as for the new news this week MISS la SUPREMA had the broiler removed from my basement and left me with no heating, and invoked some new budget cuts in which the only cut is the lack of funds for my typewriter ribbon. So here I sit in my cold musty basement in the bowles of GEEK WEEKLY intergalatik head quarters wetting each letter on my 30's typewriter as it comes up with a felt inkpad. And they've also stopped bringing me cats. So jorney forth oh brave traveler into the heart of this peice. O.K. so the other day .. no fuck that, sorry I have no storys. let me think. shit alright I'll introduce another character to talk with. O.K. , O.K. so theres this girl and she sittin over by the bar by herself smoking a cigaret. so I sittin by my typewriter bored of feeling letters so I get it into my mind to go over and bum a smoke and talk or what ever. "hi, umm can I get a smoke from you?" (me talking) "no" "ok. so which band you here to see tonight?"(me agian) "Tungstun aray"(she doesnt seem real talkative) "Really? I've never heard them before what kind of music do they play" "shitty"(her this time) At this point I'm a bit worried and decide to end the conversation. "O.K. Well I'm gonna go back to my typewriter over there. What was your name?"

" Fuck You." What A fucking bitch!! She puts out her cigarret and leaves. Just for that I've dicided to have her get hit by a bus. Good riddens.Thats all for this week untill next time.

..steve deconstructionalist

Last edit about 5 years ago by guest_user
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AN OPEN LETTER TO MICHAEL CORCORAN: ALCOHOLIC MASTURBATOR

"Intellectuals are the shoeshine boys of the ruling elite." -Killdozer

Everybody knows that old men like the Beatles because that was the music they heard when they got their first blowjob. The Beatles were good, but they also wrote a lot of utter crap. There have been hundreds of bands just as good as the Beatles, since. Like, say, Devo. I think that Devo were just as good as the Beatles. The Beatles were innovators, true, but so were the Stooges. A few months ago, you slagged the Stooges album Funhouse in your XLent column. What were you trying to accomplish there? Were you trying to impress some perceived hipper-than-thou crowd by trashing an obscure, but highly influential anomaly like Funhouse? Why don't you go after the Velvet Underground or John Lee Hooker next if you want to snuggle deeper into the bosom of the mainstream. Hardly anyone but the hipsters (and musicians) know who they are, so you'd look like a real authority by slagging on them. There are a lot of old soul artists whose names aren't Otis or Aretha who would score you some brownie points too! "...I was listening to a re-issure of some old Jackie Wilson the other day, and you know, it was very muddy. What was the big deal?"

Several years ago when you wrote for the Chronicle, you said that anyone who cared about rock and roll would have to admit that the Butthole Surfers were one of the most important bands ever, or something to that effect. What? Was that just to keep in good with your drug crowd? You said it, I'm sure it's on microfilm in the

Last edit over 5 years ago by terriertle17
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Chronicle basement. You can denounce Lollapalooza, I commend you for that, but to dismiss every band that played because they were noisy and sloppy and had too much feedback? ...um, hello, yeah, it is supposed to sound that way sometimes. You know, I'll bet some of those bands wrote some of that sloppiness and noise into those songs. I was watchin' this movie about some big concert called Woodstock from before Lollipop-loser and I'll be damned if some of those smelly ol'hippies didn't sound noisy and sloppy...but, oh, yeah, they were ending an unjust war and now, thanks to them (and Tom Petty, Todd Rundgren and certain others) everything is okay now so won't everyone just settle down?

Maybe it's a good thing that Lester Bangs passed on before he had time to decide that he didn't really like the Count Five that much after all, and that Van Morrison was still putting out great albums. If this 'sloppiness' is so 'disrespectful' to its audience, does that mean that Joe Satriani is better than Neil Young and Bob Dylan? If you fart into a paper bag and throw it off of the Sears Tower, will it fall faster than a sock filled with toothpaste? It's a good thing that everyone knows that rock journalism is just selfcongratulatory back-slapping and thinly-disguised marketing and advertising and that writers are coat-tail-riding sycophants who just want to get into everything for free.

So have fun in Dallas -- you belong there, not with us. I mean I just want what's best for you. So write your little Andy Rooney gripe column, soon to be compiled into a best-seller little book and you're beautiful, baby, really, I mean it....

Ciao!

Sincerely, Oswald Caligula, III (coat-tail-riding sycophant)

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Last edit over 5 years ago by terriertle17
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Illustration of a boy in cowboy garb lassoing a wooden calf.

3 drawings by Tim Inklebarger...

Last edit almost 7 years ago by ClaudiaDurand
Displaying pages 26 - 30 of 64 in total