Letter from Harry Massey to Barbara Massey

Letter No. 1. Tuesday, 3rd March Major J. H. Massey 6. Pal[illegible]

darling Barbara, I am very sad & depressed. I almost heart broken I know that you will be sad for me when you hear what has happened. Peter was killed yesterday afternoon by a R.A.F. truck. I had just left my office, he of course, had joined me. As I was walking along talking to Ben, I heard a screach [sic] of breaks [sic], then yelping from Peter. I turned around & saw him lying struggling on his back on the road. I raced to him, I saw one back leg very broken. I thought that this was all that was the matter. So I picked him up as gently as I could. I began to carry him to my office. He was crying very much, I immediately let my ear & head on to it, but I did not mind this very much or I thought it helped him. I bent my head down towards one of my hands, he then got his teeth into my thumb. As I carried him along. I decided that I was not going to allow him to be put away & even if two legs were broken, I would look after him until he was better again. And then he went limp in my arms & gave two or three jerks - it was all over. The M.O. came across, but there was nothing to do. The poor little chap must have been knocked to pieces by the truck. Apparently, he had rushed across to have a bark at an Arab, the truck had been coming along & could not stop itself. So I carried him down to my room & put him on his bed outside - & then I cried awhile

2 helplessly. I have written about him quite a lot, & you must have realized that I was very fond of him & that he was great company for me. And even if I did not say so in so many words, you may have realised for that he meant an awful lot to me. But now that the poor soul has gone, I realise, fully, just how much. You know that I have worked hard - but even so. half my mind has [underline] always [/underlined] been with you, & missing you & thinking about you - & latterly, Max too, & always, as the end of a morning's or a day's work, I have immediately thought about you & you only - & Marie too. And always you see, Peter was with me, & I used to talk to him - I liked to. I had nobody else to talk to anyway. And he used to understand in his way & in any case used to pay attention to me. I got him last March & so I have had him about 360 days - & for at least 300 of those days, I have sat at my table & written to you & [underlined] always] always [/underlined]. Peter has been beside me - sleeping, but still there for me to give a pat to from time to time. And every morning, without fail, the moment Chaimansky came in. Peter was up on my bed, licking my face & chasing around, jumping onto the table, & generally being funny. And practically [underlined] everywhere [/underlined] I went about camp, & up to the office & down again - he was always with me, or else turned up, triumphantly, from nowhere. And now I am all alone. Nobody to talk to.

3 & nobody to come around the place with me. & nobody to be affectionate with me in the morning. You must think me too sentimental, darling - & I know he was only a dog. But I am very lonely. & I have never even wanted any friends. And Peter was my ideal companion. And apart from my loss, he was such a fine dog. Completely independant, & with his own mind about everything & everybody, he was utterly faithful to me. And he was so amazingly fit & strong & muscular. & never had a moment's trouble or illness. I always tried to say that Peter & I are the healthiest people in the M.E. Chamanski was in tears too - later Ben came in with big, red wet eyes. Poor Chamanski was very fond of Peter too - & so was dear old Ben & he was sorry for me too, I understood how I was looking. I do feel very lonely & alone without my little Peter & I never missed saying goodnight to him, out loud, & giving him a kiss. And the lst few weeks he usually insisted on coming up on my bed. If only they would send me home now - Peter would remain here in Palestine - dead, but never forgotten, because he has done so much for me. Thursday, March 5th I have been having a very busy two days & I am now feeling a little less

4 chattered, but still very unhappy & lonely. I had been thinking a great deal about Lisa last weekend - & then on Monday, your letters nos. 77 & 79 arrived, & one of them said quite a lot about her, & described some things about the darling which you had been remembering - & that overwhelmed me with the same memories, & I could not help crying. And it was only two hours later that Peter was wiped out. And I just felt that it was too much - . I asked myself, & I will do, why it is that you & I have to suffer such tragedies. There never seems to be any half way for us. The boy could hvae been born weak - but not still. And Lisa - she could surely have been ill, as other children are - but not just swept away from us as she was. And now my dog - surely he could have been hurt or injured - but no - it had to be sadder death, & no chance given to me to do anything for him. I must come home to you soon, & I hope the war end too. And then you & I & Max can begin to build up our lives together. Quite apart from any qualities which you & I may have - . yours. My darling, are very great you & I do seem to have the quality of having wonderful & charming children, who are loved by other people. Lisa was so universally liked & admired, & you know what a gift she had for friendliness. Climbing up the gate at Nab [?] house & saying "Hello" - & "What you doing?" And talking to the old man next

5. door. And Max sounds to be so much the same. And Peter had the same kind of friendliness & charm, he treated me as an equal & a friend, & was not very popular with so many people. I need to pay a daily round of calls. I have thought about this many times during the last few weeks - remembering Lisa, hearing from you about Marie, knowing Peter, that it is a break & gift, which we have, of dealing with children, our own children, so that they love us & like us & trust & never feel frightened or shy os us - & so they develop very naturally, happily & without complications, & all the very best comes out of them. I must now get away from my own troubles & try & be more cheerful in this letter. And first of all answer some parts of your last last two lovely letters. First of all about the Buffs, darling. I have & am nothing to do with them - & these Palestinian Cay's connection with them does not go beyond the use of their names I remain Cheshire Regt, & wear my mural badges & buttons, that is the way I shall come home. I am what is known as extra - regimentally employed, & am therefore on what is called the "X" , list of the Cheshire Ben out here, & am accounted for on that at a places called G.H.Q. 2nd Echelon, in Cairo, where every regiment & corps out here, has its records & statistics kept. As you said in your letter, the Buffs are a rather swanky & snooty experience regiment, & it would annoy me to be with them.

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Your letter was also telling me about Norths was being the nucleus branch for [illegible] etc. I can hardly imagine how it will work if all those managers are there, & nobody strong enought to lead them & take command. You can imagine how little Willie will be making up to all of them, & trying to pose as the big businessman, while Frost & [illegible] & Gelder just carry on & take no notice of him & do all the work. By God, it will be one hell of a tangle to unravel when I do get back. I also had a letter from Jack McCallum the other day, addressed to Lieut Col. JHM. & congratulating me heavily on my further promotion. It is really extraordinary, how that rumour got round. He said it would make P. Caldwell think a bit - & that he had been quite funny at the last Board meeting, shaking his head, & saying "fancy Harry, a colonel". You know, darling, if you had thought carefully, you could have been sure that this was note true. This Coy is a major's command, & I am commanding it & in order to obtain promotion, it follows that I must also change my address. And you can be sure that if & when I do that, I shall go on cabling you until I have an acknowledgment. Quite apart from you, I am much too anxious to receive your sweet & lovely letters, not to do all possible to make sure you have my correct address.

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It seems that Jack's son, Gordon, has has been in Malaya for the last year. I hope he is alright. And Lucy, of course, has not been well. They have had another schimozzle with maids, of course, & have been buggered about from hotel to hotel ever since. Really, Jack, in spite of being pretty inward, when opportunity presents itself, is an incredibly kind & long suffering husband.

You were talking in your letter about my recruiting ventures, & saying that you thought that the Jews of all people, should have wanted to have a crack at the Nazis. Well that is just the point - they do not get the choice. These Coy's you see are not fighting much, they are not really intended to be, & only kick around Palestine doing guard duties. Jews are also enlisted into the R.A.S.C & R.E. & R.A.O.C Pioneer Corps. They have seen service in France & Greece & Crete & the Desert - but they are only services. The work in these Buff Coys is pretty dull soul destroying - & so you can understand how it is not easy to arouse enthusiasm & appeal to them "to take up arms against the common foe," when they know only too well that they are only going to be glorified policemen, playing at soldiers - but still exposed to all the rigors of military law.

It is all a deep & wide political problem - the Jewish - Arab questions enters into it very largely. In these Buff coys, there are Jewish Coys, Arab Coys, but they are all classed as Palestinians, & receive the same rates of pay & allowance & conditions of service. That in itself is a difficult beginning, because the Jews look upon the Arabs as backward & inferior people, in [spacely?] the same way that we do. And finally, it is ridiculous & unfair - [strikethrough] the Arabs live mostly in

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hovels, feed on bread & onions, seldom wash & are generally improvident. Whereas the Jewish standards are [?], & in civilian life, they could not exist on Arab civilian rates of pay.

Then again the Jews do not look upon themselves as Palestinians, but as Jews, that is Zionism. What they really want is a Jewish National Army, with their own flag & what all - in the same way as the free French, Poles, Greeks & so on - but they realize that they have not the tradition & experience. And so, for the moment, they want Jewish [?] etc. - & they want to fight & be more useful & important & [?]. But, you see, the official British policy is pro-Arab - the High Commissioner of the Palestine Government are very muich that way. And nearly all the Government officials etc out here look upon themselves as orientalists - in some cases, minor [?] - all that of course, means interest in & sympathy with the Arabs. And, hostility towards the "common" Jews who try to be as good as they are.

The official British attitude persists in the romantic notions about the Arab - whereas, in reality, he is a dirty, idle, untrustworthy type, & can be bought by whoever pays the best price. The Jews on the other hand, are an energetic people - (mostly very much) more efficient & clever than the British people of the classes they have to deal with - civil servants & Regular army officers.

My last letter told you about the Struma disaster - a direct result of the insufficient & dilatory manner in which the Govt dealt with Jewish immigrants. And yes, around the same time, the Govt

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permits the entry into Palestine of the friends & relations of the ex-Grand [?] & of [Rashid?] Ali of Iraq.

Saturday - 7 March. I must finish this theme for you. Though, what I am telling you is very much of an outline & you may say that, being in a Jewish [?], I am only seeing one side of the question.

But I am perfectly certain that the Administration is very much to blame - both for their casual attitude & lack of war effort & for their frantic & undignified efforts not to offend the Arabs.

Even though there are a good number of lazy & unwilling Jews, who should & could join the Army - as there would be in England if we did not have conscription - I find it difficult to blame the Jews as a whole for not rushing forward, when I consisder the lack of real encouragement. Even so, they have about 12,000 men in the Army, about another 8-10,000 in the police, & innumerable other poeple working for & with the army in an indirect, civilian way. And recently, they have [started?] Palestinian A.T.S, which is going quite well. Have I answered your question a little, darling? But God knows what is to happen about the Jews & the Arabs after the war. It is a great problem, & has been going on & has been mishandled for so long that by now they both have right on their sides - therefore any solution must seem unfair on one side or the other.

I seem to be going along very slowly with my letter - but it has been a very slow & unhappy week.

The time has now arrived when I am expecting & hoping for a reply to my [?] application, every minute of every day. And so that means that I am very restless &

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rather uneasy. during the few days up to Monday, I had been thinking hard about whether to chance taking Peter with me or not - & telling myself that I must make a decision, because the news might come suddenly & leave me little time to think, when he was killed, I began to think that perhaps fate had made the decision for me, & that I should leave the M. E. with my heart & body & mind reaching out to you & remember Peter as a little dog who had just about saved my reason & certainly been my best friend & companion this last year - & that at least, I need not worry about him being well ooked after. But now, I am beginning to feel very nervous about failure, & being left here all by myself. But, the next few days will show.

It is ghastly luck, isn't it, darling? Receiving your letters, & writing to you, I was just able to hold on. I could talk to Peter - you understand? - about all my intimate things, about you & me. And it is not the same talking to myself. And he made me laugh, which nothing & nobody else has done out here. But do not worry about me, darling, if by the time you get this, you have had word that my 2nd application has failed, you must not think of my position as hopeless - because it can never be that so long as you love me & wait for me to come home. And I shall certainly not be idle about getting myself home. I shall never stop trying, by one means or another.

And in any case, sweetheart, I always remain in

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excellent health. You asked me in a letter what my weight is - but God knows. The last time I weighed myself was 4-5 months ago & then I was as usual, about 125, or a little less. And I imagine I am about the same now - certainly no more. What do you want me to be? - more or less?

One of your letters was lovely, darling - & said that one of mine had been so passionate that it nearly made you go off pop. From time to time, yours do the same for me, & what with your letters, & my very visual memories of you, & my photographs, I almost do go off pop. It is lovely to think that we can affect each other from so far away. What will happen when I come home? Sometimes I think, sweetheart, that it will be a waste to buy lovely, new clothes, because you will never have them on. But, I suppose we will want to go out & have a walk, & have a drink, & see a show. And it will be lovely to take off your lovely new clothes for you. And quite as lovely to be so passionate & excited that there will be no time to take them off.

Oh darling - quite apart from passion, which is wonderful & very important - I do promise you faithfully from the very bottom of my heart that I will strain every nerve to be a proper husband for you, to make you happy & contented - interested & enthusiastic. I can do it, my darling, - I feel confident in my power, & you must believe &trust in me, however long you have to wait for me. You are my whole life, my

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darling, & you always will be - every thing I do will be for you. And you must know that this is not just a sentimental idea, caused by loneliness & not being too happy. And as you suggested in a letter, I am not over idealizing you. Darling, dearest Barbara - how could I? And you, sweeheart, must allow me to occupy your whole life - share it - Oh! but I do want to talk to you.

What news have I? I have been President of two more Courts Martial. Over a Jewish deserter who I found guilty & gave 1 years detention. And the other a young Arab, who had been creating watches & fountain pens etc from his comrades, & who I gave 6 months imprisonment with hard labour.

Carsenty becomes more & more hopeless, in spite of my clear warnings - & on Monday I take him in front of Col L. for an interview. The point is that I have to initiate the adverse confidential report, & the superior authority has to have seen him before the report reaches him. The B.F. deserves no sympathy at all - he is base lazy & hopeless.

If I cannot get promotion - & cannot get home - I wish somebody would initiate an adverse report on me & so get me home that way.

I have just finished "Childhood, Boyhood & Youth" - it is a fine book. Does he carry on? - the end is so abrupt.

All my love to you, my own darling Barbara forever - with all my heart, love & kisses to Maxie - xxxxx Harry.

[postmark] BEACONSFIELD BUCKS 5. 15 IM 3 MAY 42

[written] 1[circled] May 3rd

[stamped] MAY 42

[written] Mrs. Barbara Massey c/o Mrs Paul. c/o Mrs. Jenkins Lyn-wood- 6 Bulstrade Gardens Candlemas hare - Maddingly Road Beaconsfield - Cambridge Bucks

[stamped] PASSED BY CENSOR No. 514

[page turned, written] JH Massey