Letter from Mary Moody Emerson to Ralph Waldo Emerson

To R.W.E. m-2 80 5

Waltham March 31 '30

Dear Waldo I begin to see Sarah Alden alone and is it in any keeping with our years of confidence not to speak of my [imperative?] from your house? Will she not easily see how the cause must be all in me? That the fact of your early antipathy was not [voluntary?]? How rapidly will she [sense?] over the romance of my early admiration of your [species?] - which I [love?] to [hover?] over as like to some admirable [sculpter?] like to some vision of [nature?] w'h [which] haunted me in youth and gave itself away to my imajination. I remember a wd [word] quarrel we had in [Fidoff?], but like [Hudini? herself?] I forgot it and when you were in love a [Officer?] [hoppead?] I well remember the look of the sky was finer and the earth less stable. Forgive, dear Waldo that I have wearied you so long. It was not - indeed it was not designed. About this very time but last year I told a truth about my opinion. A taste offered to yours - and I felt were that our intercourse must end. I afterwards grew wiser on that subject - and was [nerious?] to

to know more and love more. And [foreseeable?] time and health might have added to the delight w'h [which] it has ever been my gift to enjoy [?] [?] [meant?] to my own. I don't know that I should forgive myself for [protracting?] a [commotion?] after losing you in the chaos of [needless?] speculation. I knew not on what ground you did any thing - nor where to find your principles - they were an engima. When Sarah [crossed out] & you [/crossed out] spoke of us & looked to you for sympathy - I wondered how either could be found - each might be an atom [themed?] out by the whirl of necessity. I could not love in the truer sense - yet credulous to the last - to your complaints & contracts I answered by the long tried effforts I had made "to hire" - it was the base of society that was on me - and the excuse for you might be [inferred?]. I do not reget the tedious history. I feel glad that I released you finally by my promise. I did not [underlined] promise [/underlined] to unite no more. And quere [queer] as it may be, it is true that I shall hear and [await?] you with pleasure I believe. My determination was the same & the "storm" only made it vocal But to the business - it is giving & wrong impression to others as well as Sarah - 'tis receiving perhaps, attention for your sake, and as I may repeat any [fore-ness?] 'tis truth to say our usual intercourse is ended. If I appeared

or was sad - still there would be no implication on the favorite of society. Oh no I could not [share a boy of [?]. And I shall not disturb for a moment the flowers w'h [which] grow in your path. The [arrow?] which seems an element in all sensible men, is not in you. And the debt of light & comfort, I've always [owed?] to you and CC will [throw] only me. [word above] on If I am silent at [Mr Fanies?] [thair?] of speaking tis attributed to my bible philosophy He & Sarah vindicate Newton. I [?] [Flamsbed?] & think the [Newtons?] fault but proof of [crossed out] truth [/crossed out] [above added] depravity [/above added ] in her man [and her?] Ages are [....tining] when it's [ ? ?] will be consummated & you I hope, are able minister in its kingdom. If I could leave a message in this let be to Lydia I would say that I believe we shall then find I did nothng to [deserve?] complant in her house - except tried on there [jokes] for w'h I [given?]. Whether this [times?] of good will is to be [c...led] for sometimes [failing?] must depend on the principles & known character. However it is true, the more I'm understood the less tolerated - & the prophecy I made to your youth that you would like me [bitter?] is not fulfiled. Now don't laugh & apply my disappointment to certain other prophecies.

Adieu I will cherish the memory of your attentions as heart as the ?due of ?heronese Your ?oppt Aunt MME

Mr R Waldo Emerson Coneard MSS

M M Emerson March 1836

May I tell CC what you repeated of his [resource?] of my hit at Jackson extravagance. I was around on following visit - but he must know my sorrow at his [censure?]