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she though was a pretty girl, & nicely dressed too. But she stooped & crouched over the piano, terribly - & when she walked off, which she had to do many times, for calls, she was actually round shouldered almost to the point of being hump backed. The next thing was called "fireworks" by Stravinsky - which was very quick, & very short, & very clear " rather beyond me. But everybody, including Mr Singer & the Orchestra, seemed to enjoy it. Then, finally there was something else in "D" - this time by Schumann, which was very lovely & beautifully played. I went with Ben Arzi It was the last concert of the season - but the new season commences very soon - April 9th, I think - & I certainly intend to go to some more. The seats we went in cost 11/-. I'm sure you won't mind me spending money in such ways. The first of your two letters was written on January 28th. Sweetest darling, I knew you would be very unhappy & miserable & desperate on that day. I longed to be with you - I must have told you so in my letter. We could & would have comforted each other so much - if only by lying in a chair or on a bed, & holding each other, & just allowing ourselves to cry, & talking about the little darling. But I do not want to say a lot about our darling Lisa, now. The new baby should be here, when you recieve this, & I must not make you unhappy. But, whatever happens, we must never reach a stage, & I know we never will, when we cannot talk to each other & write
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to each other about Lisa. I keep hoping I shall have some more snaps from you, of her. Perhaps one or two of Kathleens' enlargements - or even some of the baby snaps. That one of you & her on the verandah at Plas Penmon is so sweet. I used to have it in my wallet, do you remember? but I lost it somehow. I also keep hoping you will send me another photo - or more snaps of you - I asked you to in one of my letters. Also some of your scent. I have had the following letters from you, now no. 13 - 25 Jan So you see, they have came in a funny order, & there 14 - 2 Feb are 18 letters still missing. The one marked ??? 5 - 15 Feb had no number on it, but it was written in 21 - 3 Mar between 22 & 23, & so I have called it 22 1/2 ??? - 6 Mar Isn't it disgustingly that these other letters do not 23 - 15 Mar come to me? They must be so interesting 22 - 17 Mar & thrilling, they would surely be so to me - & they 25} - 23 Mar represent so much of your time & effort - & your 26} sweet thoughts for me. Your letters are simply wonderful, my darling, & the wonderfully comforting & exciting. Your love for me now, darling, seems so deep & real & permanent - I don't think I ever expected you to love me quite so much. When I was writing to you before your letters began to reach me, I tried very hard to tell you how much I loved you - & even felt a little afraid that you would not want to be loved so much & so intensely & so much to the exclusion of everything & everybodyy else. And now you
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have made me feelt that it is alright to love you as much as that, & more if I want to, & you will return my love, & what is as much, you want me to love you as much as I possibly can. Oh darling, I don't know if I can love you more - I love & adore you so much now - but I will try. It is going to be a thrilling & wonderful experience, meeting each other again. Can you imagine it, my own darling? Seeing what we look like to each other - you will be lovely & pefect, as you always are. And we shall have so much to say to each other no matter how much we write to each other. And there will be the baby for me to see - & I hope, hope, still a very young baby. And then there will be kisses & love making - Oh my sweeheart darling - I shall not know how to begin, & I shall not know how to stop. I think very often of when & whenre & how we shall meet again. You must not think in terms of years, my darling. That is too long, & I could not bear it. I feel sure that all this manoevering, & jockeying for position & difficulty & war of nerves & talk of propaganda & visits & revisits & talks & messages - that this cannot go on for very much longer, & that soon now, everything will start, & that this time it will go on relatively to its end, & that it will not take long. Autumn or Winter this year. And then I must get myself home quickly, or else you & the baby must come out here or wherever I am. This is not a life, being separated from each other
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And it is one excellent reason why this war must be brought to an end. I read the paper ever day, with that one thought uppermost in my mind - what is happening, & how will speed up our victory, so that I can be with my Barbara again & see my baby for the first time. I suppose it will have to be months, when I come home. One has to live, & that is the obvious way of doing it - & things will be difficult, when it is all over. It would be foolish, I suppose to start into something new, & all the work & struggle it would entail, when I can walk back into my own job. It has its attractions, in many ways - a staff & workpeople who seemed to appreciate me - & good customers, too. As for the inevitable millstone - I suppose he may have passed on or passed out or passed somewhere, by then. Or else they will have found him out - or Peter, or whoever it is, will listen to reason. In any case, I don't thnk I shall worry so much again - just push him on one side & forget about him. As you say, salary is, perhaps, not so important, so long as we have enough to live on, pleasantly & can afford to have a maid, so as you don't have to do housework! We can have some more children & enough clothes & money to go about enough , & see some flicks & lectures, & buy some books. That is the way & live in a pleasant part - we can get along beautifully & happily - the rest will come in time. And I have already promised you that I will never work as hard again. We shall have much mroe time together darling & we shall know so much better how to be happy together.
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But, to be together again - that is the thing, my darling. I too, feel like a stone on the ground. I have the work, & it does take up my time, from time to time. I feel a certain degree of achievement. But what is it? foretelling discipline, & the fighting spirit into 200 Jews - seeing their food is good, their drill is good - & all so as they can do their bit in the war machine. Telling off young officers, & browining off new officers all for the same purpose. It keeps my brain going in a sort of a way, & it makes me more agressive, & more bossy than before!! And its all interesting, in a way, I suppose. But I feel so often that its all so futile - & why shouldn't an officer wear shorts in church, or be idle on parole & why school bother to shout & yap & notice every little thing. Its no life, really - but I will tell you some more about it & them in my next letter or so. The whole thing boils down to being away from you, darling. The very first few times I saw you. I knew more each time, that we were meant to be together - & that has proved to be right - & is proving more & more right, the longer I am here, away from you. It's 10, o, clock again. All my love & kisses & hugs & always, darling, dearest Harry. xxxx
