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Letter No 48. Thursday June 5th. Major J H Massey, 6 Palestinian Coy, The Buffs, Middle East force. My own dearest darling Barbara. I am still so happy & so thrilled with the news of the baby that I can hardly put pencil to paper. Special words & sentences beyond my capabilities seem to be demanded. But I must do my best to convey to you my thoughts, & the love and relief which is in my heart. Since receiving the cable from "Paul" on Tuesday, I have sent you a cable, an Air Mail letter card, & an Airgraph. And now I must write a letter. I am, of course, now dying to have another cable, or a p.c. in your own writing, to tell me exactly how you are, & how you feel, & more about the baby. My thoughts are just going round these things all the time but I suppose I must wait a few more days. The cable was sent off at 9-40 am on the 29th - arrived in Cairo at 10-0 pm on the same date - & then took until June 3rd to reach me. It seems absurd, an such an expensive rate, but once they arrive in the M.E. they just become ordinary letters apparently. The cable said an easy birth, I do hope this was really true & was not said just to comfort me. I have been so worried all the time about the pain you would have to suffer & how frightened you would be. If it really was easy, that is wonderful, & shows how valuable really good doctoring is - & you must have been brave too. Poss sweetheart, were you very frightened? It is so easy, too sorry, to understand what good reasons you would have for being so. Hughes must be a fine man. I am still feeling full of gratitude for him. It is dreadful being away from you, my darling - I am just asking to be.
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with you & be able to talk to you & hear all the things I ought to know. It is, I suppose, a great disappointment, in one way, that it is not a girl. For I both wanted that, more than anything, to try & make up for Lisa, & we hoped, to be like Lisa & as sweet as she was. It is really only you & I who know how sweet & lovely a baby girl & a young daughter can be.But the one great thing is that we have a child of our own again, & someone for you to look after & love & we can have a girl the next time. He will undoubtedly be a fine boy & I do wonder so much what he looks like. He must be very fat, at nine pounds, and there is no doubt he will be quite different to other boys - & being brought up by you (& me) will make a great difference. Lisa was so far & away sweeter & prettier & brighter & more loveable than any other girl we have ever seen - & our boy will be the same. I'm certain you will love him very much & take a terrific interest in him & be very proud of him. Even so, I find it difficult to imagine you with a son, sweetheart, & expect you will be a bit taken aback yourself. What will you do if he, one day, becomes terribly keen on football, & such things. I wonder if you will remember to have him circumcised - I think it is better, you know. I always have been, & my father before me, the general idea is that it is more hygenic - & a foreskin is a useless arrangement anyway. I'm wondering whether I ought to cable you about this - but you will probably remember - & I expect the doctor will ask you in any case.
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It is such a wonderful relief that you are safe & well, my own darling. I have been frightened all this time that something might hsppen to you - or if not to you, then to the baby, & you might not just have the heart to get better yourself. You have talked about such things in your letters, & they have made me feel so dreadfully sad & afraid. Our fortunes have been so dogged with tragedy & ghastly luck, that, as you said, it hardly seemed possible that all could do well. Often, I have wanted to write about it myself, but I was always held back by the thought of how my letters might hurt & distress you if anything should go wrong. It has been torture to think of you having to undergo this ordeal, & feeling so frightened & uncertain of the outcome. It is no fault of yours, my darling - you have had every reason for feeling like that, you have been superlative & wonderful to have wanted this baby in the first place, & to have been glad of it, after I had gone away & left you all alone. I have been frantic & so depressed, so many times, to think of the consequences of anything going wrong But that is all behind now, & it is probably better to say no more about it now. We can talk when I come home. From now on you must look after the baby & keep well away from air-raids & write to me very often. I must stop for tonight - I am marvellously sleepy
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H. & ready for bed - thinking of you xxxxx. Friday June 6th. There are quite a number of people here who are also delighted about the baby. Ben-Arzi sends you his best wishes & congratulations, & I had a very nice letter from his wife this morning. C.S.M. Jack was also very pleased and his lantern face burst into smiles and all sorts of very Scotch noises came out of it. The news spread rapidly & many people have stopped me & telephoned me. It is now long since I saw you - eight months today - that I feel I should call it your baby. But I am your proud husband & the baby's proud father, & so I will call it our baby, and I am quite sure you would want me to. I expect your mother will be relieved & happier now - I wonder when Pegg's baby comes, you never told me. And my family & Aunt Sarah too - dear old thing, she will be so happy, & I suppose looking forward to seeing him. But it is so far away. I expect travelling is difficult nowadays. You must not undertake any such journey, my darling, if it is going to be a strain at all, & unless you want to. Your letter of 16th April arrived on Monday - your first one addressed to "Major", apart from p.cs. - and told me the address of your new home, S. Devon. All will be well when you arrive there, complete with the baby and your ma & get settled in. I see it is near to Plymouth & do hope this is a safe place. The address sounds very attractive and old world. Your letter was unnumbered, my darling, but it was witten on 16th April - & the previous one to this was
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page 5. written on March 25th so the ones in between have been held up. Or have you been very idle and sent me some p.c.s. You have been very pleased & encouraging & complimentary about my majority, darling - and your words make me feel very proud & pleased with myself. You can rest assured, my sweet, that after the war is over & I am back in business again, I shall work like hell to make our position as sure as possible. But you must please help me not to work too long hours. I'm absolutely determined that I will kiss you goodbye no earlier than 8-30 in the morning - and that I shall kiss you hello again no later than 5-30 to 6-0 in the evening. And that I shall have as many Saturday mornings as possible and that our weekends will be 100% together. Of course this question of push & energy & not being willing to sit down & wait for things to happen, has been very successful in gaining me a majority, but in the Association it did not go down so well, did it? And dirty little Willie is still there, held above water by other people, & doing better financially than even he envisaged in his wildest dreams. In fact those very qualities which have stood me in good stead this time, did me a great deal of harm with the Asscn - though I never could see any good reason - just the reverse - for them doing so. You remember that day when all the Executives, except Jack, came over to Bradford? And we really thought something was going to happen - Exley or Pickstone, the snake, & Whittaker had all told me that it [waned?}. And then the great meeting took place. I was the one Peter turned on & gave hell to that
