70

70

Windsor Mon. 17th Sept. 1837. -

O that I could be myself - that I could
avail myself of my interternal advantages that
I might know myself - that my worth could be
fairly tested by an enlightened - that my merits
be properly appreciated: I will be frank enough
to say, I should, I think, be relieved from the-
[aldoud?] and permitted to star fairly the race
of life. I need assistance now and to [obtain?] I must
invoke my even individual resources. Health and
success attend me. My health is yet rather infirm -

19th (W) The present is a time of much excite-
ment in the public, particularly among the
nulifiers but I see no good reason as yet why
they exclusively should be more excited than
federal Whigs. The cause of htis excitem-
ent, is Mr. Calhoun's agreeing with President
Van Buren in one certain scheme relating
to the public treasury - what is called - namely;
the sub agency. Mr Calhoun may be right -
or wrong - I know not yet: so I shall not
denounce him yet - not until I discover
that he is apostalesizing and abandoning his state
right doctrines and principles. -

A gentleman this evening casted a rude piece of
ridicule at me for not denouncing Mr Calhoun at once.
Always heretofore entertaining the highest opniion, and
much regard for this gentleman - entertaining a
warm friendly feeling for him and not doubting that
it was reciprocal on his part; - I was shocked at
the gentleman's thrust at my feelings. The tone and man
ner in which he did it, evinced, I thought a disrespect and
contempt for me, which so surprised me that I could