Geek Weekly #3

ReadAboutContentsHelp
1, 2 ... 32, 31

Pages

GW#3 - p21 (19)
Complete

GW#3 - p21 (19)

El USO CORRECTO DE LOS CONDONES

1) Sujete bien la punta del condon entre los dedos pulgar e indice sobre la cabeza del pene erecto.

2) Apriete el receptaculo al final del condon (para sacar el aire que sobra dentro de la punta del condon).

3) Con la otra mano, enrolla el condon sobre el resto del pene (como el espermma puede salirse antes de la ejaculacion, el condon debe ponerse sobre el pene antes de cualquier contacto con la vagina).

4) Despues de la relacion sexual, saque el pene de la vagina antes de perder la ereccion con cuidado sujetando el condon sobre el pene al final del mismo (para prevenir que el condon se salga al sacar el pene).

5) Remueva el dondon y deshagase de el.

6) Use un dondon neuvo por cada acto o relaccion sexual.

Trojan Condom Company 6969 Slippery Root Drive Drop Trouser, NC 21692

November 15, 1994

Dear

We regreat to inform you that we have rejected your application to [illegible, action?] and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general physical appearand is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feel that your wearing of our product in advertisements does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A [illegible, adjective], baggy, and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.

We did admire your efforts to firm it up by using Poly Grip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we have seen that looked like a bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and would like to thank you for your time. We will retain your application for possible future consideration. If by change we decide there is a market for mini-condoms, we will contact you.

We send greetings and sympathy to your lady.

Sincerely,

Burley Dick, President TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

P.S. Remember our slogan:

COVER YOUR STUMP, BEFORE YOU HUMP! DON'T BE SILLY... PROTECT YOUR WILLIE! NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER! BEFORE YOU ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER! IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT! A TISKET, A TASKET, A CONDOM OR A CASKET!

Last edit about 5 years ago by hicks4000
GW#3 - p22 (20)
Indexed

GW#3 - p22 (20)

Once you compromise, there is no going back... ...you've got HALF of Satan's pecker in your mouth already; the rest couldn't do any more harm now could it? -Craig Koon

[dictionary images of amazons, an auk, an acipenser (head of sturgeon), and an Archimedean screw]

Last edit about 5 years ago by hicks4000
GW#3 - p23 (21)
Complete

GW#3 - p23 (21)

*GOLFERS DELIGHT* -- Driving Range -- Spa -- Fitness Center -- Racquetball -- Trees Galore-- Accress Gates -- Garages - Gourmet Kitchens -- Construction Special (Free Rent). AFS 322-9556 . This is a real ad from our own fine daily paper.

ALL EMPLOYEES

It has been brought to the attention of the management that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation beween employees. Due to complaints by some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.

The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express his/her feelings when communicating with fellow employees. Therefore the management has compiled the following code phrases so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue.

OLD PHRASE NEW PHASE No fucking way! I'm not certain that's feasible.

You've got to be shittin' me. Really?

Tell someone who gives a fuck. Perhaps your should check with ...

Ask me if I give a fuck. Of course I'm concerned.

It's not my fucking problem. I wasn't involved in that project.

What the fuck? Interesting behavior.

Fuck it. It won't work. I'm not sure I can implement this.

Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner? I'll try to schedule that.

When the fuck do you expect me to do this? Maybe I can work late.

He's got his head up his ass. He's not familiar with the problem.

Who the fuck cares? Are you sure it's a problem.

Eat shit. You don't say.

Eat shit and die. Excuse me?

Eat shit and die, motherfucker. Excuse me, sir?

Kiss my ass. So you'd like my help with it?

Fuck it. I'm on salary. I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

Shove it up your ass. I don't think you understand.

This job sucks. I love a challenge.

Blow me. I see.

Blow yourself. Do you see?

Another fucking meeting. Yes, we should discuss this.

I really don't give a shit. I don't think this will be a problem.

FUCK YOU!!! How nice, how very, very nice.

Last edit about 5 years ago by hicks4000
GW#3 - p24 (22)
Indexed

GW#3 - p24 (22)

[image of a flaming LP]

RekeRds:

Cryin' Out Louds/Motards split 7" I'm Possessed & Hangman Lager b/w Nothing Ever Changes & Unhappy *I love, love, love this stuff, but at this point, even I have to admit that it is getting kinda predictable round these parts and I'd definitely rather see these bands live. Still, this is a fine record with the Motards sounding shitty and the COLs sounding slightly less shitty.

[a poorly-reproduced thumbnail image of each side of the above split 7"]

The Humpers 7" (Sympathy... Fast, Fucked & Furious b/w For Lovers Only The rock'n'roll just leaps off of this one. As a matter of fact, when congratulated for their endurance after their two raucous Austin shows, one of 'em replied, "Hey, that's rock'n'roll." Listen to this in your car and run over pedestrians.

Grifters 7" (Sub Pop) Queen of the Table Waters b/w Return to Cinder *Sub Pop?!? I'm still kind of in shock when I see the Sub Pop logo on the sleeve, but then I am in near constant contact with some heavy duty indie-rock politics gossip/debaters. So, this record is beautiful and haunting and dark and shiny and it spins round and round and fucks my head all up which is exactly what a Grifters record is good for. Thank you, Sub Pop for a very pleasing product.

Hormones 7" (Unclean Sell Out Young b/w You Can't Win *Catchy as fuck! Great '77 punk-pop. Recorded before Tim Hayes and Dana Barclay jetted. This a-side is Tim's, the b-side is Ron's.

[clip art: 'His laboratory was in a men's room. "I did some good work in there."']

Last edit almost 10 years ago by Jennifer Hecker
GW#3 - p25 (Rekerds p2)
Indexed

GW#3 - p25 (Rekerds p2)

Grifters/Fluffy Kitty split 7" (Cherry Smash Dildozer b/w I Had *Disclaimer- I've only heard this record two and a half times (Grifters x 3, FK x 2)... The Grifters cut is a good, solid specimen, but contrary to what I expected, the Fluffy Kitty cut is the one that really intrigues me. I had never heard of FK before I got this record, but they have really drawn me in and just yesterday I sent off for more info. I am anxiously awaiting some excellent mailbox candy. A note to the aesthetes: Comes with a neato hand screened sleeve.

[low-quality thumbnail of cover appears to the right of the review]

Big Drag 7" (Unclean) Gotta Let Me Go b/w I'm a Lonesome Fugitive God, and I said the Hormones single was catchy. The a-side is sweet, sweet stuff, and they show their country roots on the b-side. I guess it'll hold me till their full-length record comes out.

[low-quality thumbnail of cover appears to the left of the review]

Satans 7" EP (EV Records) Get Off My Back & Ain't Gotta Choose b/w (I Can) Only Give You Everything & Run Motherfucker *It's hard to believe this record really exists, but believe it, baby. People listen to this record everytime right before they say "scorchin'." If you don't have a garage, but you want to feel like you're in one (for some reason), get this record- it really works. Oh, and send some shit (and I mean shit) to your favorite Satan c/o the Satans Fan Club.

[low-quality thumbnail of cover appears above the review]

EV Records PO Box 49984 Austin, TX 78765

Satans Fan Club PO Box 7635 Austin, TX 78713

Cherry Smash Records 3322 Mentone Ave. #6 Los Angeles, CA 90034

Sub Pop Records 1932 First Ave. Suite 1103 Seattle, WA 98101

Unclean Records PO Box 49737 Austin, TX 78765

Little Deputy Records PO Box 7066 Austin, TX 78713-7066

Sympathy For the Record Industry 4901 Virginia St. Long Beach, CA 90805

[white-on-black clip art image of a flaming LP]

Last edit about 10 years ago by Jennifer Hecker
Displaying pages 21 - 25 of 32 in total