Lydia_Gay_Diary

[Indent into center of page]Liv’d to wake each tender passion, And delightful hopes inspire: Died to try out resignation. And direct our wishes higher Rest. Sweet babe, in gentle slumbers. till the resurrection morn then arise to join the numbers. that its triumphs shall adorn. though, thy presence so endearing, We thy absence now deplore: at the Saviours bright appearing. We shall meet to part no more, thus to the, o lord, Submitting, We the tender pledge resign and, thy mercies ne er forgetting, OWN that all we have is thine,[end indent]

April 3 rain and snow this morning, bless the lord for his goodness to Me for restore my health in some measure, so that i walk out and took no cold, in the Eving a frind of my Dear son call to see me My heart ache to think how many hours they spent together he had been absent 23 months, I gave him Bible and some Books. I wish that i have more I felt an affection for him he has no mother, but I trust that god will be better than enny Earthly frind and keep his feet from dashing against a stone My Dear child was very sick a year this day the Doc came she looked very mournfull at him said shant I dye O no he said. but he new at the same time she could not live the love of life is a principle of human nature implanted by our creator for the purpose of self preservation, he who gave life, however, has a right to reclaim it. affliction, in almost every form is more calculated to strengthen mutual attachment then common calamity. I never thought that all my children would leave me, but I am like my mother all lone

April 4 A fine morning and I had good night, and my health is improving, O lord, open thou my lips: and my mouth Shall shew for thy praise. For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me, holy shame and godly Sorrow, for past follies. fill my heart ^with^ grief While the comforter inwardly testifies of jesus his love, how infinite his salvation. how perfect his person how precious. his promises, I am more and more convinced that the happiness of heaven is a benevolent happiness in proportion as my joy has increased I have been filled with intense love to all creatures, And a Strong desire that they might pertake of my happiness After my Dear Son death when my Dear friends all to see Payson Me, there affection looks and words had such an affect on me that I was in the dust, and I Love evry body that Breath and live I hope that it was a Devine love and if i am not deacived i Sill Love Evry body I want more love to god, I do hunger after more love

April 5 this day is set a part for fasting and prayr with a view to obtain mortification for my sins therefore also now. saith the lord turn ye even to me with all your heart with fasting and with weeping, and with mourning and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the lord your god: for he is gracious and merciful slow to anger. and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the Evil, O lord I desire to render the thanks for thy loving kindness to me, in mist of all my suffrings, for my sins deserve all that has past before me, I am overwhelmed with wonder, shame, and confusion to reflect on innumerable Mercies I had received, and the ungrateful returns I have maid I have not keep this day as intended to my health has been poor and my body so week that I am unfit for anny thing, remember, O lord, thy tender mercies and thy loving kindnesses: for they have been ever of old O lord have Mercy and wash all my sins a way in thy blood

from deep distress and troubled thoughts to thee my god, I raisd my cries, if thou severely mark our faults No flesh could stand befor thine eyes but thou has built thy throne of grace, free to dispense thy pardons there, that sinners may approach thy face, And hope and love as will as fear, As the benighted pilgrims wait and long and wish for breaking day so waits my soul before thy gate: When will my god his face display my trust is fixed upon thy word: Nor shall i trust thy word in vain: let mourning souls address the Lord. and find relief from all there pains.