Rosine Amé-Draz to Frederick Douglass, October 1864

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if it should have pleased God to take you to your glorious reward—(though the thought made my heart bleed) to give me something to do for you during the time that I might still remain on earth—what should I do if I could not even pray for you? Dear friend! Do when you next write to me—tell me what I can do until death for you—we your people—or in any other way. I know you are too kind to refuse me this favor

I do not like to say much about myself—Yet at this moment I am so much tried that I cannot help it—Does it not seem that I am no longer to know what it is to be quickly settled any where?

Nothing is so trying to me as changing my home if homes they can be called Difficult as I found my task here—with unmanageable children—boys in the number I was determined to persevere and had brought them into some kind of order. I meant to remain here at all events during the winter but to my sorrow the father of my pupils informed me yesterday that though he was quite satisfied with my instruction and management of his children he wished to make some other plans for their education—and that at Christmas I should be free to seek another situation! The Mother is deeply grieved at this decision of her husband—but she must abide by it and in three months I shall have to leave. I have not the least idea what will become of me then—but I cannot help trusting that God will not leave the homeless—Oh it is terrible to be homeless in this cold selfish world You would hardly believe me if I were to tell you the suffering of ladies in my position in these English families—The Mother of my pupils intimated to me that her husband did not like the Governesses of his children to have many friends in the town—especially among dissenters! Now all my best friends are dissenters they are the only noble minded people here—He does not think me

sufficiently high church. And my liberal views on all subjects are very obnoxious to him—I infer from this that he fears my influence over the hearts of his children. He takes in all the conservative papers—consequently he does not see much evil in slavery & other abominations. He is always praising up the Southerners & wishing them success! He knows what I think on these subjects though he never converses with me on any subject whatever—Dear friend I shall be here till the beginning of January—then I will send you my new address—Oh. My heart sinks at the prospect of this change—even if it is to be a change for my good!

M^rs Bewes wanted very much to ask her husband to let me remain—but of course—I would not allow it—We are both of us passing through deep waters of trouble. Dear friend—but we are sure that these sorrows must pass away—as all things are passing away with us and then the rest—the Eternal rest! Ah the blessedness of that word!—We shall enjoy it together ere long I wrote to your wife and to Rosetta—when I thought you were in the South I felt constrained to express my sympathy for them—May God preserve your dear soul—When shall I have your photograph—Dear Rosetta has sent me her own and Mrs Douglass's—and will send me also that of her [illegible]

Will you tell her—with my dear love—that I hope to write to her—by the next mail—When I hope to be a little more cheerful—than I feel at present—I should be so grateful to you—my beloved friend for a few lines—to cheer me on. It is the only joy still left to me—to be thus remembered by you You once said to me—that my heart would be pierced by a thousand swords. How truly have your words been fulfilled!—If I felt sympathy for you then—on account of your sufferings—Oh—how much—much deeper is that sympathy now! These last four years have been a sorrowful period of my life—and of yours—but there is bright sunshine in store for you!

I hardly know what I am saying—but it is a relief to write to you. My beloved friend I feel as if you were safe and living as I thus talk to you. This has been a day of weeping—having also had distressing news from my friends in my country. And I have not one sympathizing heart near—God have mercy upon your unhappy country. It has been most guilty and cruel to your race. God is judging it indeed—Oh—may He watch over

that so dear to me is. Oh may he grant that this awful event may not retard the entire deliverance of your people. Dear dear friend. do—do write me one line at least. when you can—I feel unspeakably anxious about you—My affectionate love to dear Rosa and all around you—Remember that you are perpetually borne on the heart of your ever affectionate & devoted friend before God—

God bless and preserve you.

R. A. Draz.