Schlesinger Library

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Maud Wood Park Papers (Woman's Rights Collection). Personal and Biographical. "Journal for the year 1880.". WRC-Pa, folder Pa-1. Schlesinger Library, Radcliffe Institute, Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass.

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Very much indeed was the reply. But supposing there are reasons why it would be better for her to do so & supposing Monday Oct 25 1880 she likes him even though he isn't quite her ideal would she be doing wrong to accept him. That depends said Mrs Merriam. I have decided to keep a journal. I went to I don't school this morning we were dismissed this suppose morning at eleven o-clock because the boiler burst anyone I went to school this afternoon and we were discan find missed at ten minutes past three. I received a their very curious letter to-day I cannot tell who it exact is from, I will copy it here. ideal but if there are reasons Boston, Oct. 23, 1880 I think they Maud M. Wood might be listened to provided there isn't anyone else that the Cor. Bird and Myrtle Sts. girl cares as much or even at Dorchester Mass. all for & My dear Miss Wood. provided that she & the man whom she wishes to marry Yours of the 23 inst. came duly to hand and contents noted. Would say in reply that if you were not so old we would consider your application. We are in search of some one of more tender years. With eregrets we remain ever your e esteemed frinds have the same sympathies. What do you mean by the same Wiggin and Wood I do try to like Mrs Watson but I can't. Weather cold and windy. sympathies asked May

Last edit almost 4 years ago by MelanieEvans
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I mean liking the same things having the same answered Mrs M ideas & ideals of life. And you think that necessary said May to a happy marriage I am sure it is replied Mrs M, May I think I know what you mean. I think you needed me to know. You have to decide something & you don't know what to do. I love you so much that I must warn you not to make a mistake May be very su think what it is May to have to live one's life in the closest companionship with a person ^to whom you can never talk about the subjects that are most important to you & whose plans & ambitions seem to you useless or even wholly wrong. Think of it dear & be very careful for if you make a mistake now it is a mistake for your whole life. But Mrs Merriam if it weren't for yourself that you were thinking if you were willing to be a little less happy that asked May someone else might be more so what would you do. I should think I was in danger of following an old & false saying that the end justifies the means. Remember May that if you marry a man with whom you are not in sympathy no matter whether you like him or not you are wronging him as well as yourself for it will be just as hard for him as it is for you. May had gone to Mrs Merriam's hoping to get encouragement to [do?] what would require [some?] self-sacrifice but instead but she certainly had not found it, & [moreover?] she asked herself what Mrs Merriam would have said if she had known that there was another objection to that course in May's interest in Harry Phillips. It was not an easy thing

Last edit almost 4 years ago by MelanieEvans
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for the girl to decide. If she accepted [Jim?] she would please her father but if she refused him she should feel that she had had a chance to be of real Tuesday Oct 26 1880 help to the She [w?] [now?] [going?] family but had lost it because of her own selfishness. As she [home?] was I went to school this morning and had one [?] thought wrong in examples and failed in geography this This afternoon we had reading grammer Ned& and drawing. I have found out what that Black letter I received Monday, Saturday when just I was in papa's office I left a note which at I was scribbling on the desk saying that that if he wanted any female detective I would mo- be one and he answered me that way. I suppose that I do not write enough in ment this journal but I can't help it. I have Ned done my practising for to-day. It is cold Black and windy but not so cold or windy or windy as yesterday. overtook her I was coming up to see you to-night he said I've been trying to get around for a week. I suppose you've heard the news about Phillips. What news she asked. Why that he's going away Ned replied the firm wanted him to go out somewhere in the western part of the state & as it's a better opening than he has here he's decided to go I shall miss him awfully. May had made her decision in that minute for her feeling when she heard that Harry was going

Last edit almost 4 years ago by MelanieEvans
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door. It was an awkward minute but Harry said with considerable presence of mind Yes we thought it an excellent Monday O retreat from a headache that has been troubling Miss Stone but we imagined it must be time for the next dance. Perhaps you can tell us. Oh the dance began some time ago said Mabel who had not relished the prospect of an interruption of her tete-a-tete. Then we must go said both May & Harry. Then may I see you Harry asked on their way out. Thursday at any time after four May replied & then neither spoke. How May [bathed?] herself as she thought that night of what had happened. She could not see why she had done as she had. Why she had given him the flower why she had let him kiss her. If she were had been in love [with?] him that would be an explanation for she had heard but she was not or she thought she was not. Since the night he had saved her life she had felt an interest in him that was perhaps more than the interest of gratitude but & she had realized that there was an indiscribable something in his manner about him not exactly in his manner that had aroused her curiosity. She liked him, they had much in common but she would not let herself think for an instant that it was more than that. Yet why had she knowing as she that if another man asked her to marry him she should do it. Why had she acted in that way? The next morning she found that her father had resolved to make another attempt to get the invention patented. May was wary of this for though she thought that it could only mean another period of suspense with another

Last edit almost 4 years ago by MelanieEvans
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disappointment at the end. In the afternoon she went to the Saunders. She found ^Mabel & [Jim?] lying in the lounge (in the library very glad to see her but she imagined that he had a little air of possession of security that irritated her. He complained of finding it dreadfully dull & when she asked why he didn't read he replied that he didn't care for a thing except Gaboriau's works & he'd read all those. His resources were exhausted he'd played solitaire a dozen different ways & he'd worn the family out playing other games with him. He had tried to get Mabel to tell him about the dance but she was tired & cross & never [has?] any thing amusing [worth hearing?] anyway. May felt cross herself but she exerted all her powers to be lively & amusing & succeeded very well. [Jim?] was encouraged to show the best side of himself & felt much better for doing it. When she went away he told her that he would be willing to be laid up a month if she would come & talk to him every day. On her way home she wondered what she should do if she were [Jim's?] wife, she felt certain she would be lonesome sometimes but she told herself bravely that if she could make her father happy she would be willing to endure much more than a little lonesomeness. Still she could not help contrasting [Jim?] & Harry & though she would not admit it to herself she half thought that if Harry had [Jim's] worldly advantages there might be another [dimension?] to there indiscretion than the one to which she had made up her mind. She dreaded seeing Harry the next day she

Last edit almost 4 years ago by MelanieEvans
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intended if possible to ignore what had happened at any rate to make little reference to it to get the question settled once & for all. Monday Oct 25 1880. Mrs Stone was in the library with May when Harry came & May hoped that she would I went to school this stay but before long she excused herself & went to answer the calls of Helen. Harry thought that the circumstances excused abruptness & saying May you must know what I have come to say went & stood beside her. He waited for her to speak but as she did not he went on very quietly I am not ashamed or afraid to tell you that I love you but I must say that before the other night I had intended never to tell you. I was beside myself mad then & I broke through all my resolutions. Ever since For some time I have known that you were to me what no other woman ever has been more to me than anything & every thing else but though I have not been strong enough to put aside foolish dreams entirely I have said that I would keep my secret so that no one should guess at it. because I thought I could not tell you I loved you without telling you something else & the reason I did not want to do that is because I had & have nothing to offer you. I cannot could not hope to give you the kind of home you will leave & it will be a year or two before I could offer even a humbler one. I am not sure that you care for me in that way even a little you see I am crazy to think of it yet May I want you to know that I love you with my whole heart & that if you could ever be my wife I should wish no but I have not right to ask anything of you not even if you love for greater happiness. He spoke like a husband who has [determined?] to say

Last edit over 1 year ago by MaryV
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a certain thing no more & no less & May saw that it required a great effort for him to speak at all at any rate in that way. She did not know what reply to make but at length she said slowly & in a way quite unlike her usual rapid fluent speech I don't know what to say to you except that you must believe I appreciate do understand how hard it must have been for you to tell me this and --why-- you have told it. I must feel that if any thing now it would be impossible I don't think I care for you in that way though I shall always have for you the strongest respect & gratitude & friendship. In justice to myself I must make what little excuse I can for what I did the other night. I was unusually unhappy & wanted to forget & I thought I would do what other girls do once. I can't understand why I let you kiss me of course I might have prevented it but in some way it seemed as though I could not. If you knew how bitterly I have regretted it you would not think the less of me for it. Don't speak like that May Harry interrupted you can never be anything but the most perfect woman in the world to me. You are too kind she said rising & I cannot repay you but I can be just & I will. We must forget all this [rather?] to-day but for I do not love you though if anything else [none?] had been possible I might have learned to love you Harry. She said it hesitatingly she had not meant to admit so much but For a second she saw that she had made a mistake but it was too late. But Darling he said quickly for don't misunderstand me it was not of I didn't mean to have you think it was utterly impossible if you cared for me a little I only wanted you to know how little I had how little I am but if you will be

Last edit almost 4 years ago by MelanieEvans
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my wife May you shall be loved as faithfully as any woman has been loved. His face & voice were so eager that it required all her strength of will to Monday resist them. O But she forced herself to say I did not mean that there are reasons that you don't anything about why we cannot be anything but friends to each other. He looked at her for a second with all the light gone out of his face. Are you sure he said asked at last. Yes I am sure she said at last replied. May would not admit to herself how unhappy she felt when he had gone. I am not going to cry or do anything absurd she said it is much better so. She had promised to dine at the Saunders the next evening & she tried to think about that & what she should wear but she found it almost impossible to put from her mind Harry's words, & his disappointment. [Jim?] Saunder's manner was unusually grave & she had an intuitive feeling that she was going to say something to her that she did not wish to hear that day. She tried to avoid him but [Jim?] was determined when he took the trouble to be & he found an opportunity while his father & mother were deep in a game of chess & Mabel was playing waltzes to say without abruptly preface May I've been meaning for a long while long time to ask you to marry me will you do it? May felt more like crying than anything else for some unaccountable reason. It was hard work for her to keep the tears back but she managed ^to say Oh [Jim?] you must give me time to think. Of course if you want it he said but I should have known right away what my answer would be if it had been you who had asked me. You see May I know I'm not much like

Last edit almost 4 years ago by MelanieEvans
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A Pronoun is a word used instead of a noun I my mine myself me we our ourselves ours us you your yourself yours ye thou thyself thine thee he his him himself she her herself hers it itself its they theirs them themselves who whose whom which what that

I suppose you think something is the matter that I don't come to see you now the way I used to. May broke in with an indignant [illegible] indeed but he went [illegible] isn't that but after I once stopped for a while I didn't know how to begin & if you don't mind if you'll let me I'd like to come now & then. You know I always liked you. Why of course replied May considerably taken aback we have been friends all our lifes & I don't know any reason why we shouldn't be now. I don't mean just that said he clumsily, I mean I like you better than I do other girls. May had literally nothing to say to this avowal & he appreciated the situation to ask her if she woul like to go into the other room.

Last edit over 3 years ago by guest_user
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Adverbs describe actins and qualities well badly how when where here there fast slowly how then ever lately always early often seldom daily yesterday to-day to-morrow very

May wanted to laugh when she thought of Tom's speech & she had a little feeling of grateful pride too for Tom was the great embodiment of great expectations to many of her acquaintances. Violet Wilsons particularly & being too lazy or too indifferent to visit her [?] he honorably paid a half hearted sort of attention of which she was very vain, May had told herself though he make himself of thisthat what Tom had said was quite as likely to mean very little as very much & with a little effort succeeded in putting it almost out of her mind. That winter was remembered as the gayest [Halberton?] had had. To be sure the excitement was all in a small way but there were many little card parties, skating parties, two sets of theatricals & a series of dancing parties along in the spring. It followed when one person entertained that another felt that she must do likewise, the young people were meeting each other continually & as they were not many in number

Last edit almost 4 years ago by vant
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