p.

and at least with the commendations of my
superiors - I do not mean to come back to you
a worse man in habit or character, than what
I was when I left you, and I may be a better
one, - I know that my thoughts and feelings
towards you, dearest Lydia, are different from
what they were; I am conscious of a pure, sacred
love that is deep and abiding, that calls upon me
to lift myself to a standpoint of moral purity
equal to the object of my love, and thereby
render myself worthy of a full return

My natural thought, Lydia, are refined and
elevating, and in my soul, I loathe meanness
and drunkenness, and low associates with a
fervor equal to yourself, but I have been a weak
foolish man, and have caused you a great deal
of unhappiness and sorrow, for all of which I
ask your forgiveness; with the determination
in the future to choose a path through life, that
will command the respect, the honor and love
of my dearly beloved wife - and happy, thrice
happy the day when my wife can look up to
me and say "this is my husband in whom
I have full confidence, and of whom I am
proud," - Methinks the sublime happiness of
that one hour, would repay a life time of
exertion and denial, - I see all this, now
and feel that I have been dead, and it is with