p.

5.

not for 6 3/4 months, and then with no assistance of any kind
as to when we are going to meet again. It is cruel,
cruel, darling. Sent away - indefinitely. And my return is
controlled by so so many imponderables - so weighty, and
so obscure, & so international in their character, that
people such as ourselves have no idea at all as to how
long it is going to be.

It is difficult to know how I am going to manage
to exist for perhaps so long, without you. But by some
means or other, I shall manage it - & I certainly
have no intention or slightest desire to do anything
else except - just exist. I sometimes think I envy the
many people out here, who pass the time so lightly, and
spend all their money, here and there, and have girl
friends, either because they are perfectly entitled to, or
else in spite of wives & lovers at home. This
feeling never even goes so far as mental infidelity - &
it never takes longer than about five minutes to pass.
But it is invariably followed by a flood of warmth of
feeling towards you, caused by the irresistible realisation
that any person in my position is far, far better off
than others in my position. Because I think of
you in particular, to return to, and to love, and
have your love of which to think. There is not
the faintest even the most fleeting doubt of this - but
it does make me unhappier, and more wretched than
any other man. Oh darling - why do we have to
be apart? We love each other so much. It was

5.

not for 6 3/4 months, and then with no assistance of any kind
as to when we are going to meet again. It is cruel,
cruel, darling. Sent away - indefinitely. And my return is
controlled by so so many imponderables - so weighty, and
so obscure, & so international in their character, that
people such as ourselves have no idea at all as to how
long it is going to be.

It is difficult to know how I am going to manage
to exist for perhaps so long, without you. But by some
means or other, I shall manage it - & I certainly
have no intention or slightest desire to do anything
else except - just exist. I sometimes think I envy the
many people out here, who pass the time so lightly, and
spend all their money, here and there, and have girl
friends, either because they are perfectly entitled to, or
else in spite of wives & lovers at home. This
feeling never even goes so far as mental infidelity - &
it never takes longer than about five minutes to pass.
But it is invariably followed by a flood of warmth of
feeling towards you, caused by the irresistible realisation
that any person in my position is far, far better off
than others in my position. Because I think of
you in particular, to return to, and to love, and
have your love of which to think. There is not
the faintest even the most fleeting doubt of this - but
it does make me unhappier, and more wretched than
any other man. Oh darling - why do we have to
be apart? We love each other so much. It was