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be" as when Northe did not take much interest in it. And she has a grand new Super Speed typewriter - u z gas! Nobody mentioned the unfortunate Willie - some gather he is about the same as usual. I sent the poor little bum a Xmas card - & felt rather hypocritical doing it - but I could hardly leave him out.
I told you in my last letter that I could not bear the Brigade Major here - however I saw him this morning & he was all beams & smiles. I went & had a drink with him & generally hobnobbed which is more sensible of me really, because one never knows when such people may be useful & also they can turn nasty & do one harm. But I still don't like him - in fact I like him rather less after knowing him a bit better.
What took me to Area cmd this morning was 1. To tell Col. L. that Hahr was no use as an officer, & 2. that Ben being in the Army & a v. intelligent person & speaking Russian as a native - he should be used in or around the Russian theatre of war. The Col is going to see what he can do about 1. But in regard to 2. he seemed to rather miss the point. I think that Ben was trying to get on which is ridiculous because he is bound to be a Capt if he stays with me,
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& would be very unlikely to become one as an Intelligence officer "somewhere in Russia". But he is obviously an ideal person, his motives are extremely unselfish & patriotic. Personally I should be heartbroken to lose him - because apart from losing a good friend, the one & only person in Palestine whom I like, I should lose a 1st class second i/c - & get the little Jew Arkin instead. What a difference! There is no comparison at all. It is infuriating to be misunderstood on things like this. It took me a long time to make up my mind to offer to make the sacrifice.
I think I must go to bed now & I pray for a letter tomorrow. I am dying for news of you my darling. Three weeks is a long time, when somebody loves somebody else as much as I love you XXX H.
Monday Nov. 10th And there was a letter from you today what a relief my darling & I feel that I have come back to life again & that there is something to live for after all. Just the sight of your handwriting on the envelope has an immediate affect on me. I cheer up & my blood seems to run faster & I feel pleased & happy about everybody & everything. This was no 60 of Sep 1915 & so no 59 has not come in yet & I'm sure that this is the one with more photos of you.
There was also another letter from dear Vera - it is sweet of her to write & she is my most regular
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correspondent, after you. His letter was like a particularly amusing gossip column & all about people I know. You had just received a lump of 5 letters from me after a blank space of 1 month. I wish that I could do something about it but I just cannot & I do not think that writing shorter & more frequent letters would make any difference. As you say, it is so difficult to write interesting & alive letters when none are coming in & it is not a question of lack of news or material, so much as the dull & flat feeling which comes over one. I almost feel that it would be better to have only one mail day each month & to know for certain that letters would come on that day. As it is, I am keyed up every single day, & usually twice a day & every time there is nothing, my hearts drops & I feel deathly dull & depressed. But it was very encouraging too, my sweetest to hear you say that my letters are interesting & that you like to hear about my daily rounds & tasks & all the little things that happen. I really do feel so short of interesting things to talk about at times that my letters are becoming boring. To hear you say this gives me new life & will allow me to tell you a whole lot more silly things & to discuss & chat about large & small matters which would be so easy & interesting to talk to you about but are difficult to write about when I feel unsure about you being interested.
Your descripition of Maxie was marvellous - all
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about his looks & shape & colour & way & habits & character & general lovelyness. It is so hard to imagine a baby can I have never seen, but I am getting an idea of him. I feel tremendous love & affection for him & I want to see him so much. I do hope I shall be a success & that he will like me. And I do hope & pray that I shall be allowed to see him before he can walk all by himself & do everything for himself. Apart from liking to do things for him, as I did for Lisa - it is so lovely to watch them going through the early stages of walking & eating & generally getting around. And the talking, too. What a surprise it will be for him to suddenly have me more or less permanently around & doing things for him that you used to do & kissing you & using his bathroom, & finally hopping into bed with you & then getting him up in the morning.
We are very lucky to have him, aren't we? The very last chance & we made it! He is being such a wonderful help & comfort to you & will be all the more for me to come back to. You said in your letter that he was hardly a bun in the oven when I left where did you get that expression, darling? Devon? It sounds rather rude to me. Really! Darling, this war does seem to be approaching a crisis, whatever one thinks, Russia is holding on magnificently & we are going to her aid. The
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R.A.F. are piling it on. America is doing more & more. We are cracking at Italy. The W. Desert may blow up any moment. Sabotage is increasing in France & Poland etc. Winston has just said the R.A.F. is at least equal to the Luftwaffe. And all sorts of other things of importance. I truly think it could go on for another year & the end may be nearer than we think. I feel as I always have that we have excellent plans - & that shortly many things are all going to happen at once. And when they do, they will be very sudden & dramatic & devastating. I'm absolutely on the hope & scanning the papers & picking up gossip talk & thinking.
I do hope that you are feeling hopeful too & beginning to see an end to it all & a return home for me & then LIFE again.
There were some serious thoughts in your letter darling about life after the war - I will reply to them soon, because I have been thinking quite a lot too. But my thoughts are very mumbled & confused, I'm afraid. I will stop & begin again soon.
All my love to you sweetest darling Barbara - always & everywhere & for ever. Had so much love to Maxie Thousands of kisses - Always your Harry.
