p.

7.

I must admit, that I find myself after waking, between
feeling like a lump of deadwood, which is most of the
time - & throbbing & thirsting with passion, when my
mind pictures you & I & my body almost feels you & I
together & making love, most gloriously, as only you & I
know how to make love.

I must now tell you, that the official confirmation
came today, of the failure of my second application.
And so what began in optimisim, & continued in hope,
& finished up in fear - has now been finally
settled, & once again we are back where we began.
Once again, my case was sent up by the Area
Commander, & a different one too, & so there must
be something in it. And it was turned down by
a higher St. Q. I know well enough, as I have told
you before, that this compassionate posting home is
very much a matter of shipping space, & the
vacancies are very few. And therefore, the correct &
official attitude of mind which I should assume
is that other people's cases are more urgent than
ours. But, I cannot escape the feeling that influence
plays a part, & also that preference is shown to
those who have seen active service. I have already
[?] you that I have failed again, & that I
am persevering, but that the chances are very
slender. And I'm afraid that is the truth & we must
now look for the end of hte war. But, the letter