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Letter No. 87 Sunday 14th Dec.

Major J.H. Massey
6 Palestinian Coy. The Buffs

My own sweet darling Barbara

I am terribly anxious to write you a loving
happy really interesting letter because I feel that my letters
for the last few weeks at least have been far from bright
- rather dull, & bitter about everything in general - not very
loving either. But it is difficult darling especially to be
interesting & cheerful. It is not easy to be loving when
I feel so flat & miserable, lonely & sexless. I'm very
sorry we ever left the last place now. I had the Hopkins
to go & see there where I could relax & chat & be chatted to
by reasonably intelligent people & the H.Q. staff people
were pleasant & good to work with & there was
excellent 'restaurant' to go have a meal from time to
time; & everything was handy & easy to reach. But here it
is all very difficult - the Area Staff are dull & silly & boring.
I have no friends - & my determination to have as much
money as possible is so strong, that I just cannot bear
to spend 10 of it to go into Tel Aviv, where everything
is so bloody expensive when you get there. And this place
is so damning great flat piece of ground surrounded by
barbed wire. And this camp is foul too - the heavy
rains have now started. It is a vast sea of mud.
And the mud is of a kind which you have never
seen before- it sticks & you only have to touch
with your boot. You have at least a pound
stuck to the soles. And as soon as it begins
to get dry again, down lashes the pelting rain
again. And my room is so old & miserable & tonight
I am wearing my great coat to keep warm as I write.
With its concrete floor & composition walls & corrugated