Letter from Harry Massey to Barbara Massey

4th Letter. At sea Friday 1st Nov

No 64582. Lieut J. H. Massey. The Cheshire Regt. Draft Serial R.M.H.C.A G.H.Q. 2nd Echelon Q A.P.O 725

My sweet darling Barbara. Here begins another of these serial letters & by the time you receive this, you will be sweeter & more darling to me. I'm not quite sure what I mean by that, because at the moment I cannot see how such a thing can be possible. But I do know that at the beginning of this voyage, I was missing you, painfully, & thinking about you the greater part of the time - by nw - & it is barely four weeks since we were torn apart - you are in my mind practically every moment of the day & for a long time in bed each night - & the pain of being without you & away from you is almost beyond endurance. I can hardly be bothered to join in any conversation at all at meals, & just sit there thinking this about you & that about you - except when it is about something which effects us, such as how to end the war, or what will happen to us here

2. when the war is over. This is not very cheery or happy writing, but what can I say, darling. And perhaps it will make you feel better - I hope it will - to know how forlorn & hopeless I am without you. I think perhaps I shall feel better when, at last, I have a letter from you. But, up to now, we have been so very completely cut off, & there has been no means of knowing how you are, or what you are doing, or where you are living, or about the baby - & then every day I hear of worse air raids on London & district. It is impossible not to feel concerned about you, but that is not the chief thing really, because I do not in my heart feel that anything can or will happen to you - or to me either - it is just purely & simply loving you & missing you, my dearest darling. And this is not a thing about which anything can be done. But it is a thing which seems to grown - missing you more & more poignantly & realising more & more how deep my love for you goes & how I am nothing without you. And that is what I mean when I say you will be sweeter & more darling to me, when this arrives. I am dying to hear that you love me,

3. I think about you, darling Barbara,in all sorts of places & at all kinds of times during the time that we have known each other - & the more I think themore perfect & lovely & incomparable you become to me. I'm being very serious, my sweetest Barbara, & not being oversentimental, & I do so much want you to know & understand all that I am thinking of you. I also think about you a great deal as to what you are doing at this moment & during this day - walking along a street & the way you walk - talking to people - washing, your face at night & your feet in the bath in the morning putting on your stockings & changing them & drinking a gin, so very slowly. And I think too of your hair & your mouth & your eyes & all the parts of your body, & it makes me very happy to think how well I know them & love them - & sad again at how much I miss all you & all of you. Never can there be anyone so completely suited, fitted & in harmony with anyone, as you are to me, my sweetest. I do hope you think the same of me. It makes me, my darling, able to lie in bed & think of you in such a way that I almost feel I am loving you & kissing you &

4. talking to you. And I can almost feel your sweet body against mine, & your arms round me & your lips, & your hair in my eyes. And when I go to sleep, I turn around & imagine you against me again. And this is all very sad too, but it does help - I feel I am very much better off than people who don't think at all, or others who only think about what they can find when they gt to the next port. And this may sound out of place at the moment, & it is certainly unecessary, but perhaps you will not mind if I say it again - you may even like me to - but, my own darling, there is no possible chance of my ever being in any way at all unfaithful to you. It would spoil altogether all that I think of you, & I will never allow that to be spoiled. And if you will believe that implicitly & if it makes you happy, it must & does make me happy as well. Oh damn & blast this war. It is now 10.30 & I feel like bed - so goodnight darling - until tomorrow.

Saturday 2nd Nov It is just after lunch, & very hot again today - in fact I think this must be the hottest day we have had so far. The sun is utterly brilliant, the sea is very smooth & the sea & the sun merge indistinguishably

6. There is much to tell you about darling, & I must get started again. I must not sit at this writing table all the time thinking about you & pining for you & writing about how I want you, though I could quite easily do nothing but these things. But you would never get any news of me in this way. Today i am very well, feeling fine, but have not been too good for the last few days. On Tuesday afternoon I had a pretty awful tum ache, but put this down to eating & drinking too much, too many strange things in port. But in the evening this developed into stabbing pains, low & on the right side of the tum. I also had a sore throat, which somebody said usually went with appendicitis. So, feeling very sorry for myself, & wondering if the M.O was also a surgeon, I went along to see the man. He sent me to bed & came & sounded my chest & pushed my tum & looked down my throat, & told me to stay there. I had a fairly painful night & hardly slept at all - & the doc brought me some pills & gargle in the morning. By lunch time I was much better, & the doc came again & said I could get