p.

Letter No. 3 Tuesday March 17

Major J.H. Massey
6 Palestinian Coy., The Buffs
M.E.F.

My sweet darling

I have been fiddlig & doodling & o'filling for
half an hour, wondering what to write to you about. I have
replied to your letters as best I can. I have sent you an
Airgraph this morning. And so I am reminding myself now that
I am writing mainly for your pleasure & comfort & I hope,
entertainment, that I must pull myself together instead
of to pieces.

Thursday March 19 - Perhaps you can understand beause I find
it difficult to explain the waves of depress & hopelessness
which come over me & make it quite impossible for me
to write to you. Sot it was on Tuesday & you see what I
achieved. Would it be better if I were to tear up that
short beginning & start again & pretend that I am
feeling fine & dandy. I can't see it really - because
the whole basis of my feelings for you & our relationship
& its affect on my life out here, is bound up with
the most complete misery because I am separated
from you & when the separation has been going on
for 18 months & shows no sign of coming to an end.
I just cannot pretend that I ever feel happy for a
moment, & I don't really want you to think that
I do. I want you to know darling, that life for me
is hell without you & it will always be the same.
And when I am having a worse attack than usual,
I just cannot write. But I never allow this to