Letter from Harry Massey to Barbara Massey

Major J H Massey, 6th Palestine Coy, The Buffs, M.E.F.

Letter No. 85. Sunday - 30th Nov.

My dearest darling Barbara,

I was thinking I shall turn into a stone or a piece of wood one of these days, if I go on feeling like one for very much longer. This life & existence is so deadly dull. I have been remonstrating with myself today, & telling myself that a person or ill read as I am should never be dull - & also that I might inflict upon you an attempt to put down on paper, what my views & outlook really are on politicing & economics & everything else. But the trouble is that my work does seem to tie me down or most of every day in one way or another. I had always looked upon war, or going to the Continent, with Vernon, Frank & Porsh, & Gordon etc - , having a pretty bloody awful time, except for a few parties here & there with the boys, & getting home every few months for some glorious leave with you. Instead of which I am stuck in Palestine, away from you, & away from my friends- & busily training for war, a unit which nobody ever had any intention of putting into the fighting, unless the Huns drop from above & we cannot help ourselves. It is really very difficult not to get browned off with this pretence. I work & train the Coy very hard, & impose a strict standard of discipline - I run courses for the N.C.Os & lecture them - I run courses for

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the officers & lecture them too - & generally carry on & behave as though we may be ordered to some front any time. But I know very well - & I'm sure the men do too, that our next move will be back to guarding some Depots or prisoners of war. Its therefore not easy to maintain everyone's enthusiasm. But, I have to do my best & so I cannot organise my life into a quiet & private one of reading & writing to you.

But today I did. I sent all the officers on week end leave, except Solamon & Ben. Not because they deserved it, but I just could not bear to see them around any more. And today, being Sunday, I arose late, did very little work - & read "God in a World at War" which I managed to buy the other day, so I hope you have not sent it to me.

I found it very interesting, & constructive & convincing - & he had many sensible things to say quite apart from God. There is no doubt that the Archbishops, & the Bishops, & the clergy in general, are miles out of date, & what is worse, completely unimaginative & silly, & mostly quite dishonest & selfish & small & insincere - [&]

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entirely out of touch with what is going on in the world, & right down to their own parish. You remember that ridiculous, shallow man in Chester, when Lisa died; he could have been a help & a comfort to us but it was merely another piece of business to him, & we should have managed very much better without him.

But, John [Stodham], whoever he is, had nothing constructive to say about how his desired result is going to be achieved on a basis of organised religion. And I think it must be organised, up to a point, & that means churches & clergy. And they will never change without some immense driving force behind them, which is going to radically change all theological education & teaching, & thereby turn out a different type of clergyman - & so revolutionise the church service. Will the moves take enough interest, & if so will their voice be loud enough?

I think a religious revival would be a fine thing but NOT as the Bishops want it. Can you envisage a Socialist, Christian State? I wonder.

I also bought "Good God" - which I will read next week

4. [Monday crossed out}. Tuesday 2nd Dec. I was very dashing last night, & went to the camp Cinema - the first time for at least two months. The film was "Vessel of Wrath", with Charles Laughton & Elsa Lanchester. The acting of the two of them in it was excellent, but the film was not too good - & the screen & the sound are very poor. I also had a night out on Friday, with Ben & Salamon, the idea was to go to Tel-Aviv & go around a few places, but after only two miles in the car I had made up my mind that I was going to be bored & I managed to over persuade the other two - & so we switched off our road & went to the Garrison Cinema at Sarafand & saw Ginger Rogers in a very bad film called "5th Avenue Girl." Afterwards we had a couple of drinks in the cinema bar & then were quite unable to get hold of a car or taxi to take us home. And it was only after walking four of the ten miles back, that we were lucky enough to stop a passing car.

How wonderful to go out with you again, my own darling - & know beforehand that wherever we go, it is going to be a lovely time. Having a bath together & changing together - & going out together - & coming home together - & going to bed together. What heaven it is going to be - & how I look forward to it & think about it. The only real feeling of happiness I

5. ever get is when I think of the return of those times. This is an impossible situation, darling. Oh God, but I am looking forward, longing & aching to be with you again. Realisation is said to never equal or come up to anticipation but this will be a case when anticipation simply is incapable of grasping how wonderful the realisation is going to be. I am feeling terribly unsettled until I get a reply to my application for posting home. For some reason, I am feeling hopeful rather than otherwise - & therefore very apprehensive about the possibility of disappointment. But, if I have to wait until the end of the war to come home to you & it can hardly be less than a year - & the idea of that is so horribly unreal, as to be quite unthinkable. By one means & another, I have struggled through one year, but always with a strong feeling that something will happen or turn up, sooner rather than later. But I simply cannot envisage such another year of living from day to day, with my nose in the news columns & never missing a radio news broad-cast. I re-read my application every day & wonder to myself if I could not have said such & such a thing: but I think that it was a reasonable effort & told the truth - I feel that if it comes before