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Letter no. 17 Capt J. H. Massey No. 6 Palestinian Coy, The Buffs Middle East Forces Monday Feb 3rd
My own darling - I have received today your 14th letter, dated Nov 29th I am as happy as can be. If you get my 16th letter before this one, you will see that I said that I thought my luck had turned - & it seems to have, what a difference it makes. My first letter from you came last Monday, & I felt sure that Monday was my lucky day. I walked into the Mess at lunch time, & really felt that there would be a letter for me - & there it was. and a lovely letter too And You cannot believe, darling, how happy it has made me. It has been so long, & I have had such bore news from you, & for so long none at all - that is supremely wonderful to have your letters & gather from them that you are quite happy, & content, & safe, & interested in life, & above all that the baby is coming. And then to hear you tell me so sweetly & so convincingly, that you love me & miss me & wait for me. This gives me the most indescribable & glorious feeling. Nothing ordinary at all - a feeling that will only happen to me very seldom, & probably happens to most people never at all. Lfe suddenly achieves a wonderful, real, & almost unexpected point - & I just sit down in a chair, & surrender myself to the heavenly pleasure & satisfaction of this moment - which is far, far more than a moment. It will uplift me & keep me going & make me feel superior to & above & apart from all other men, for a long time to come. It makes me feel utterly
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2. self contained & in defeat, which is just exactly what I want to be - & what I can be. You make me feel, darling that you are dependent on me, & that I am really, & truly important & even indispensable to your happiness & contentment, to you. And you are all of that & more, for more, than that to me. And so we arrive at that wonderful state - which is far more than I ever hope or want to achieve - we love each other, & we cannot do without each other. I do feel so wonderful about it. I have been hoping & praying for months that you would still love me & want me. And then your letters come - & darling, you feel & think just as I do. Don't you think it is perfect, & more than perfect, darling? I feel so strongly about it, that I am always stopping to think about it all & about you - & I cannot write coherently. But, my dearest, we have been very happy, haven't we? And I think we have been tremendously important, & very much more than most people, if not all people, to each other. But I feel so strongly now, that we have progressed much further - or at least that I have. And to my longing, looking forward to our meeting again & being together again, is a most complicated & ecstatic affair. Will you be content darling, to be loved very much more than before - & to be the absolute centre & everything of my life? Which really means - & i know you will - that I shall be completely interested & a part of your interests - that I shall not go out to pubs to meet, talk to people from the works - that I probably shall not play golf, unless you come too, even if you do not play - that if you go to London for a week
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3 or a long weekend, I shall come down for a short weekend. That wherever you go, I shall want to come too, & that wherever I go, you must come too. That when you change your dress - (slip into something nice) I shall come & help when you have a bath, I scrub your back. And that you always tell me what you are thinking - & I tell you. and when I have written like this, I think, darling, we have really been very like this, in most of the ways. And that is why we have been so happy, & are so much to each other now. All the faults - or very nearly all, have been with me. I don't know what to think about what we shall do after the war. Things will be very different - they must be. But the idea of a return to Bradford is a little depressing. I am interested in the works & the workpeople, as you know. But, Bradford. On the other hand, we should live in a different place - I should not be at the works for such long hours. And there is the money - & we are going to have a family. One will have to work in England, after the war. I'm sure of that - & so what can I do in London. And so we come to trying to settle in Palestine or Egypt. I must hear your views on all this . In the meantime, it is strictly between you & I - the 1/2 salary is more than useful. And now I go to bed, finish tomorrow. Sweetheart. xxx Wednesday 5th Feb And 33 today! I had your birthday cable the other day - thankyou very much darling - & I know you will have been thinking of me today, & writing me many happy returns. So thankyou very much for
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4. all your sweet thoughts, my darling. I have sent you a cable today, to your birthday - which I hope will arrive in time & you know that I will have been thinking of you all the day. I don't really feel very old yet - & I don't seem to look it. I collected those photographs today - & I look about 19. They are a bit cheap looking - but they only cost 5/- for six of them, so that was to be expected. The glum one was too bloody, so I kept that one alone. I am sending the half dozen to you, as I suppose my ma, & Aunt Sarah & Kathleen & so on may like to have one. I have only the normal two pips up - the confirmatin of my promotion was given to me half an hour after I had the thing taken. I wonder if you have had any photos or snaps of yourself done for me. I do hope you have. My writing of Monday night, on re reading it, was a little complicated & incoherent, but I am sure you will understand all I am trying to say, darling. I thought for a moment, this evening, of tearing it up, & beginning again. But that was how I felt & the way I was thinking at the time - so it is better to leave it, isn't it? Just because I feel in a somewhat abnormal fram of mind, you don't want me not to write, do you! Or when I have written,not to send it on to you? I was not able to go on with this letter last night, as two more officers arrived for my company, & I had to look after them & generally help them. One was a man named Behrens - a Captain, & my 2nd in command. He has been working in this country for some years, but comes from North Wales, & is connected with some Behrens I used to know
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5. in Cheshire. They are a Jewish farmily - & so there has been some little confusion in the company, today, as to whether he is a British or a Jewish officer - actually, he is the former. He is, I suppose, about 45 years of age, Jewish looking, medium sized, mousy hair, but baldish, was in the last war, & seems a pleasant enough sort of man. But I don't know yet whether he will be much use or not. The other one was a young Sandhurst Ragulary Army suhaltern from the York & Lancaster Regiment - called Barrett. He is about 24, dark, slim, even pigeon chested, & rather a bright young thing. But seems pleasant enough. I will tell you more about all these people when I get to know them better. It seems that I have now definitely obtained command of my Company, & so I shall shortly be a Major. So I don't suppose I can grumble about promotion, as I was only wearing one pip last June - though I should have had two, of course. I must say that I feel very grateful to the Colonel here, for reccommending me for the job. Though, on the other hand, I think it shows great discernment & judgement on his part! But he has only had a short time to get to know me, & it does mean a certain amount of responsibility to him. The new recruits came here, they are trained by the Depot staff - & then the companies are fixed up with officers etc, & sent out. So that, if they are not well commanded, they will not do well, & it is a reflection on him. The other companies which have gone out, are all commanded by regular army majors - of 40, 45 years of age, & lots of experience.
