p.

case you do not come up to the standard of my picture
of you. And you said you thanked me for my "sweet &
loving & flattering" letters. You must not say flattering,
darling - the word has a meaning of insincerity, which
does not apply to anything I ever say to you. You must
not & need not feel alarmed, my sweetest darling -
when I come home, I will love you & adore you
& admire you & make love to you, much more than
I do in my letters, & that will go on for the whole
of our lives. I am the one who must try even harder
than I ever did before, to come up to the standard
of a person as wonderful as you - & to the standard
which I set myself in my own mind & in my letters
to you.
I have been working very hard ever since I began
this letter on Friday. Saturday's lunch was a
failure, as the Col cried off at the last moment.
Mrs Samuel was very upset & annoyed, which made
me feel all the more that there really was
something behind it all. However, we had a very excellent
lunch & a pleasant one, & I was back here at
4.0 & sent the buxom Helen back to her Depot. She
is a remarkably dull & senseless woman, & I really
cannot talk to her - & especially as she is so bloody
pleased with her own importance & efficiency.
At night I had to attend a conference with the
R.A.F. about defense, & which was pretty abortive. So
much so that I spent all Sunday evening talking
to the Brigade Major about the same thing.
I told you at the beginning of this letter that the
dust should rise - but it hasn't. It is an