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Letter No 52 Monday June 16 Major J.H. Massey 6 Palestinian Coy The Buffs Middle East Force My darling sweetheartI have posted something to you on the 10th, 11th, 14th, 15th, + 16th (today) + now here I am beginning another letter to you. I do hope to goodness you find my letters interesting, because sometimes I feel somewhat doubtful. During the voyage, there was so much of which to write - + then Cairo + the battle for my majority- + telling you all about the Coy. But now, I have settled down into such a rut of not particularly thrilling work + never have time to go anywhere + so I can only just prattle on + hope for the best. You must surely be getting so many of my letters + things now + I should have to think of you being disappointed at all. Perhaps one is bound to feel this in such an unreal sort of correspondence from so far away in both time + space. You have apologized for your letters, but I hope you know by now that I love them + look forward to them as avidly as ever + feel just as depressed every time there is a blank post. Everything you tell me about yourself is always interesting + just what I want to hear + all the news about the coming baby + your plans + how you were feeling was meat + drink to me. And when you tell me you love me + miss me + want me + talk about our life together I just drink that in with joy + thankfulness + read it over + over again. But you must tell me, darling, about my letters + let me know if there are any things you want to know + about which I do not tell you. There is one thing I asked you to do for me + which you have not done, or else maybe your letter has not arrived- + that was to send me a bit of stuff off an old garment of yours, put some of your scent on it + generally make it smell like you. I wish you would do this, please darling - even if
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2/ you do think it is silly of me. Your 4th letter came in today - Oct 23rd nearly eight months + by Air Mail too. Apart from that foul R.M.H.C.A. business, I think the "attached Worcester Regt" did the most damage. It has been published + broadcasted now that they were in the East African campaign- so every one of those letters + cables I never received, too, I suppose - have been around the Sudan + Abyssinia, before finally arriving at 2nd Echelon, who always know where anybody really is. What a foul stroke of luck that was + all caused by that incompetent unpleasant adjutant at Oswerty. This letter was mainly about four poor father's illness + finished with a p.s. that he had died. Poor old man, he must have suffered those last few weeks, with all the worry + then being so ill. I wish I had written to your Ma sooner than I did. And I hope by now my letter has arrived + that I said the right things. Your letter also told me about Kathleen having turned down that job - my ma's letters told me all manner of bits of rather dull gossip, but not that piece of news which I should have liked to have heard. Yes Sidney is pretty dull + scruffy + rather too pleased with himself I always thought; + he always gives me the impression of being a bit slippy + not to be knocked too far, but maybe I am wrong there. It is a pity Kathleen could not have chosen someone a bit smarter + with more character + personality because she is a bit scruffy herself, whereas if she had somebody who liked her to look pretty + smell nice + so on, she would make an effort in that direction. As it is she seems to take a pride
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3/ in looking hobbledebay + somewhat dirty. My ma used to make a few efforts, but never went about it in the right way + never dreamed of giving her a few pretty things to wear, or paying for her hair, or having a mariana or some such lunacy. And whenever Patricia or Kathleen did make a bit of a dash, my father would invariably make one of his silly + rather unfortunate remarks, supposed to be funny + which merely had the effect of embarassing + discouraging them. I'm thankful that I was sufficiently vain to take no notice of the way my leg was pulled & I was made fun of when I tried to keep abreast of fashion. I must admit that my idea of fashion was a bit exaggerated round about 1925 or 6 but this was perhaps better than just not caring. I remember getting a hell of a rocket from Grannie one day in Parker's in Manchester - she said it was all very well to have fancy socks + ties, " but go + clean your finger nails at once before you have lunch with me." I shook off down to the lav, feeling very small - + also thinking it was a bit hard, having spent the whole morning in clogs + overalls at Kerr + Hoegger, dyeing cotton. Tuesday June 14 No further word from you yet, darling. I had one thrill today, but it turned out to be a cable from Frost congratulations + best of luck - which was very kind of him. You can imagine sweetheart, I am dying to have more news, to say that you are making a good recovery + feeling well + happy + that the baby is doing well. So my commission was 25 %. It is difficult to say how it was split up among the other people- it would make me a bit sick to think of Willie getting twice what I get, when I consider just exactly how little he
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4/ has had to do with it, quite unbelievably little. But at least it may have the effect of making him pack up + retire + go + live in some hovel in Scotland with his poor unfortunate silly wife. Now can I say whether Jimmy's help made the difference or not. But, grateful as I do feel for the dough - I think it would have been pretty shabby if they had done nothing for us. Six years work & sweat for practically no commision at all, & then when things go a bit better, & I'm away at the blasted wars, to withhold it, that would have been pretty steep. I wonder what our income tax amounts to now - on the new scale, & counting for the allowance for the baby - but not counting the tax on commission. It must be a horrible figure. Our taxable income is now $ 845 pa - plus $ 174 allowances, marriage to 110 & colonial to 64 - so we are now on the four figure mark for the first time, at $ 1019 p.a.! Are we not well off, my darling? Taking a wild guess at the income tax, I think perhaps we may be able to save $ 20 a month, which would be quite useful, & with the commissions, should give us a good start off again after the war. By the way, I have now been an Acting Major for three months - so I now became a Temporary Major, & War Substansive Captain, & now cannot be a lieutenant again. It is terribly hot tonight, with all doors & windows shut, & I am quite wet with perspiration - & have to have a cloth under my right hand when writing, as I did when we were sailing up the coast of East Africa. What an age ago that seems, my darling - & how full of hopes I was in those days, about the possibilities
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of you coming out here to join me. Oh God - why were we ever such innocent, ignorant fools as to think that was possible. Had we only realized that there was no hope at all, - & at that very time wives & families were being sent away from Egypt - I would have gone to the General, & unless he was a complete fool, he would have supported me & let me go to the 7th, & told that disgusting man to pick on someone else. Had I realised all this, & been able to see ourselves, thousands of miles apart, miserable, unhappy & hopeless & know how utterly ghastly it is to be away from you, without hope or assurance as to when I shall see you again - I would have done anything, anything in the world not to come. Even to disenting, or pretending to lose my memory & getting lost in Liverpool until the boat had gone - & sticking my leg under a taxi & breaking it. Anything except leave you, the only possible comfort is, that it may all be for the best in the end, though gooodness knows how. I am still gazing longingly at the scarf you sent to me from Bishops S. It's really a very pretty one, darling, & you have such a wistful, thoughtful expression - & your left hand across your right arm, is long & slender, delicate - & your legs look smooth & silky & adorable. I do hope you will not fail me, & will be photograped more, for me. Now darling sweet, you must not think me odd, or peculiar, or funny or silly, or perverted, or anything else, & I'm sure you will not. But next time you are being photographed, could you please be rather
