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refined table manners. And I'm quite certain that if we are going to have interesting peopple to our house after the war - we shall have to reckon with all of that & take jolly good care not to react at all. It actually used to worry me a few months ago - how to reconcile my new found Socialist outlook with my inbred ideas about speech & table manners & manners in general. But I have somehow got over all that now - & whereas I still prefer English as spoken by you & even myself & food eaten as we eat it, & all the other forms & customs of good manners which are founded on good sense & respect for women - they are comparatively unimportant - & can be deveoped & adjusted at leisure as the classes even themselves out.
My darling Barbara, you said you thought that I was developing & widening in outlook, & I am certain that I am. And you also said that you thought perhaps you could discern your influence on me - or were you being priggish. My own darling, I can assure you that your influence on me is very real & has helped me enormously. It has done ever since we knew each other - & it has done ever since I left you on the morning of Oct 6th 1940. I really feel myself that I am in every way a very much better person than I was in 1934 - & I thank you for all that. And I do seem to be improving still. You say that I seem to be able to criticise & keep a watch on myself - & I do . But what it really amounts to is that I always ask myself
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what you would think about such & such & if you would approve & what would you say. Because I have a tremendous respect for your good sense & judgement. And I feel so happy when you say that we are complementary. In the one direction, I know it is true & in the other, I hope it is. And you must know darling, how much I long tobe able to talk to you about everything & especially about all my new ideas on things. I am so anxious toknow if you agree wtih me & to know if I am right & what we are going to do about it all. And naturally, I am anxious to find out whether I am anybody & what my future & our future is going to be. It is impossible to know - & it is extremely difficult to write about really. But of one thing I am quite certain, & that is that our future is going to be very interesting & exciting & exhilarating happiness than we have ever know before. Only one thing worries me - & I think it worries you too, though perhaps not for quite the same reason & that is that maids may be an extinct breed & you will have to do too much housework & cooking! I see your point entirely, my darling - & I sympathise both for your sake & for my own. And we must organise that problem by one means or another. I think it will be alright under our country's existing system, our house will be such an easy going & democratic one that our maid should have a very good time. And in
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a Socialist state, your work & mine willbe of sufficient importance to allow us to employ a maid, or companion, or comrade or whatever it may be called. But we will deal with the situation in one way or another, & I promise you all support.
Sweetheart on p.2 I say I love you too, darling. And as I was writing that, it reminded me so strongly, & it does again now - of when we made love in bed before going to sleep. Often, I used to say, I love you, darling - & you always used to answer wtih your sweet voice - I love you too, darling. Do you remember my Barbara? It used to make me so happy - & then very often, when I had let go of you, & was lying on my side & you were curled up round my bottom, & I had one hand pushed over backwards & tucked in between your legs, we would say the same things again - & then I felt happier still - & we would slide off into sleep. Oh darling. Those days are waiting for us again, & will be ours, if only the fates will work & bring us together again. I was thinking about you this afternoon so very passionately & longingly - & looking at your photographs. I nearly went off pop, as you call it. I promised myself that you will love me when I come home - I am still very strong & healthy really & just aching for you my own darling. I have forgotten Maxie in this letter - but love & big kiss to the dear little man. And all my dearest love to my darling wife xxxxx H.
