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Letter. No. 63 Monday. July 28 Major. J. H. Massey 6 Palestinian Coy. The Ruffs Middle East Forces
My darling sweet BarbaraYour letter - not numbered posted on May 19th arrived about two hours ago. It was a lovely letter, my darling, & said some sweet things to me. I am still flushed with pleasure because of them. You told me how much you were enjoying my letters, & how they helped you, & made you feel so much happier & more contented. You have no idea how much pleasure it gives me to hear you say that, because that was so very much my one idea when I was sriting all those letters. I just felt that you would be feeling pretty low & misesrable, & would need all you could have to keep up your spirits. And it nearly drove me frantic when I kept on hearing from you that none of my letters were arriving. Thank goodness they started in time. And you said how much you missed my love & kindness - looking after you. I don't know whether you calculated that remark - but there are a few things you could have said to make me happier. I think you know already, that almost as much as loving you, & you loving me, I love to be appreciated by you & anything I may do for you. I think I'm a little bit like a dog in that way, don't you darling? I know you have missed having me to do things for you, I have been very sad because I have not been able to be there to do them for you. Next time, sweetest heart, when you have
2. our baby daughter, I will make
make up for this ghastly, tragic, & so unhappily inopportune parting. I will be so marvellously loving & kind & thoughtful & attentive that you will, perhaps, think it worth while that I was away this time. If only because it has mad me such a perfect husband of a pregnant wife. I feel, my darling, that out of all the uncertainty, all this welter of confusion, lack of knowledge of what is going to happen - there is just one thing which is absolutely certain & about which there is no doubt or arguement - & to which we can & must cling & which helps us to look forward - & that is the certainty that when we come together again, there is wonderful, assured happiness for us, no matter what the conditions may be. I'm quite certain that I shall love you more & more & with a better love, that passion will be more wonderful than ever it has been before - that we shall be more to each other in every way & so our lives will be more interesting & happier in every way. I feel it is going to be so wonderful, that I cannot put it into words. But I also feel that you feel the same, & understand what I mean. And I am quite certain that neither of us will be disappointed. It is very lovely to look forward to my sweetheart - & I have a quiet & very steady faith in this. Your letter also told me about Amy's arrival,
3 how she pricked her own balloon within two days & browned you off beyond endurance. She really is the silliest bitch imaginable - though itis difficult not to feel fond of her, having known her for so long now, & shared to some extent in her ups & downs with Vernon & Whiskers & so on; but, I agree, it is easier to do this from a distance, than to have to listen to her fortuous outporings. I wrote you some fairly rude things about her in a previous letter - & once had an uneasy feeling that by a coincidence the letter might arrive at the same time as Max, you might be too weak to read it yourself, & she would read it to you & see this. But it really would not matter. She would probably miss the point anyway, & her brain would not remember long enough. I think it is a "happy release" for old Kitty - perhaps some of his friends will have had the sense to tell him so. As far as living next door, or even in the same village, & Geoffrey being my bosom - by Christ if they are permitted to see us once a month they may think themselves bloody lucky. I'm afraid I shall not be any less intolerant when I return, probably more so. And I still think it is the best policy, because more often than not, my bad impression of people is confirmed when I get to know them better, & it is so pleasant, from time to time, to realise that one has been wrong. Ben Ami, the wise little man, has pointed out to me a new system which I seem to have fallen into, for showing my
4. dislike of somebody. Apparently when whoever it is, says something to me, I screw up my face & lean toard & say "what was that", having heard perfectly well the first time. Or did I do this before? And so Amy has written to me twice! Nothing has arrived yet, I do not think it will make very much difference to me whether it does or not. Do you remember that first letter she wrote to me, introducing herself after meeting Vernon in Switzerland? What a masterpiece that was - 8 pages of twitter. Any normal person would have popped it down on one or else telephoned. I can just imagine Vernon working it out, & saying you get in touch with Barbara & Harry Massey - , then when I come home, I will come over, stay with them. It must be pretty nauseating, though, to have all this "you are my best friend" stuff pushed down your throat. I sincerely hope you have not taken her to Devon - I don't think you can have, or it would have been in one of your pcs. If Geoffrey Dawson has half the brain he thinks he has, or Gordon credits him with having - Amy will go the same way as Nora. And i wander how soon Vernon will suggest another trip into adultery? I seem to be getting rather unkind & moral about poor old Vernon - but that episode of his life has been rather foolish, sordid, boring & generally not to his credit.
5. Tuesday July 29 At the point last night I stopped & wrote you an Airgraph - also one to my ma for her birthday. I had two pcs from you this morning - July 6th & 11th - really late. You say nothing at all about yourself, but you sound very well & very happy & you tell me that Max is lovely, beautiful & very well. But I am dying & dying & asking & longing, pining to know what he looks like, & if he is showing any signs of character, intelligence or personality. I'm sure he will, being your child - & his looks seem to be alright, I am just waiting for the details. Your p.c also mentioned about having had to bay 301 on the underclothes & dressing gown, which seems excessive. I suppose I had better not send any more things like that. But I have not had your letter about them yet, & hope very much that we shall be rewarded by you really liking the things. I still have 3 pairs of stockings to send you, & wonder now whether to send them or not. I will ask you in an Airgraph & you must reply by pc. I rather imagine stockings will be useful, especially when winter comes again. Wednesday July 30th Yesterday was no good at all for writing because we had a concert from the Jewish Welfare Committe, last night. It was not a particularly good one, but quite enjoyable. There was a girl who played the violin quite pleasantly - a fat, black Jewess who screamed songs, & a pretty girl who gave recitations with considerable pep, personality, but they were all in