Letter from Harry Massey to Barbara Massey

6.

down in the desert, and the absolute picture of misery. I do hope you were not cross with me for too long, or really felt for any length of time that I had let you down at all - and that you very soon remembered our firm pact and arrangement, that there were to be no misunderstandings of any sort or kind. You must always remember and rely upon that please darling. I can and do solemnly promise you now that if you will, you will never be wrong. I have absolutely no intention of spending a lot of money, and I shall not exceed what I have told you in my letters - unless under special circumstances, such as leave, or presents for you, or renewing clothes for myself and when and if this happens, I will tell you about it in my next letter.

It is equally certain that I shall not take to the bottle - so just you stop threatening what you will do to me if I ever become like Bill Nash etc. I don't think I have had more than four drinks in one day for 3 months. There is really nobody here I would want to drink with - and so I just have a gin and French, and then not always, before dinner - a beer or two in the evening by myself. If any of my friends were to appear, I would enjoy a bit of a drink again - in fact, I would enjoy it very much indeed - but even then, I should only allow it to be from time to time. Won't it be lovely to get a bit tiddled together again, darling.

And then there is the question of women , girls, ladies, females, and so on. Well, my darling, its just impossible

7.

ridiculous and right out of the question. I sometimes think there is something going wrong with me, and that I am becoming a bit fishlike - and then I only have to think about you for a moment, and I know I am alright. No, my darling sweetheart, I'm just hopelessly, utterly, and completely in love with you. Nobody else is necessary to me, and I could not, and would not, allow anybody to come between us for a single moment. I still feel, and always shall feel so strongly, that if ever I were to allow anything to happen, it would somehow spoil things for a long time to come, even though you knew nothing about it at all. But it's not really possible to analyse, the whole idea is impossible and repugnant. It's just you, you, you, and all of you and nothing but you, for always and forever. You are sweet, and wonderful darling and there is nobody like you, and I know it very, very well - and that must be the secret of the whole business.

Oh God, but you are wonderful and lovely and gorgeous, my darling - and I am so conscious of it, all the time.

I love hearing you say in your letter that you will do your bestto be a s pretty as possible for me when I come back. I know you will and you will be beautiful and pretty - but I so love you to know yourself that you pretty too. And I hope that I am in some measure responsible for you being so sure about that, lovely darling And I'm quite certain that you will always be pretty and lovely - and that I shall always lov eyou passionately. I hope too

8. that I shall be able to maintain a decent standard of looks and health and agility for a long time to come, and that you will always be able to love me. And you said in your letter darling, that you hoped that I believe implicitly in your love for me, otherwise you would be hurt, because it would mean you had not proven it by your actions as a wife. That was very sweetly put, my darling (you do write wonderful letters), and gave me a tremendous thrill to read. I do believe it, darling - and thiat is why I always want to hear it from your, because i know you meain it and that it is real. It is the most wonderful thing in the world to me out here, to know that you love me truly, and that my love is important and even essential to you. That you love me, is everything in the world to me - and if you were ever to stop loving me or wanting my love, or if anything were ever to happen to you - it would be the end of everything for me, and I could not and wouldnot want to go on living. And as for being a good wife, you have been and you are so wonderful, that I could not write about it, really I could not - if only I could tell you, and if only I had told you more when we were togheter. It gives me terrific confidence in myself, when I think that it is you who loves me. You don't even need to have to cook, darling! I must go to bed now - so I will finish this

9. tomorrow. Goodnight sweetheart darling. All of my dearest deepest, fondest most passionate love and kisses. Harry.

April 23rd: Another p.c. arrived today from April 4th - and you tell me it is a new system- and it seems to be working quite well. And also one from my ma too, in which she did not say very much, except that everyone was well. You sounded very fed up and down in the mouth - poor sweetheart, it is a damn shame - but since then you have lined up the house in S. Devon, I hope, and my letters will have started again and stopped you feeling cut off. And you tell me the amount of hte commission, too. [L] 160 - how marvellous, darling, how truly wonderful. The old firm of {D. North & Co Ltd] must have been doing pretty well - that shoulds like about [L]15,000 profit in the year. How hateful to think that McCallum will get it too, the little rat - but perhaps it will be as well if he is able to save a bit, and then he will be able to retire when I return. He must dread the day twhen the ware ends and I come back again, and chase him away next door again, and give him respberries twice a day. Poor little bastard. As you say, darling, what with this and the majority, we do seem to be pretty opulent. And as we both agree about not spending it now, we should be in the most unusal position, when we set up house again, of being able to buy things for it, and have it as we want it. That should be the overdraft finally dealt with, darling - what with our economies of the last few months + commission + major's pay - and still pay your

10. Doctor and Nursing Home fees quite comfortably. I'm sure you must be relieved, darling - it is a damn shame that you have had to worry about money at all. I think you should write to Foron now, and tell him to recover fromt he Bank all the odd and ends of security which I gave hiem to cover the overdraft - insurance policies, but not the British and Dominion Film shares, which I presume to be even more worthless than ever. I must write Peter a nice letter too. I'm glad you have done - ahe will be pleased to have a letter from you. I Hope they paid Birchall and Frost something extra as well - there can be no doubt that they are running the show. I have been up to the eyes in accounts today, as I had to do the first quarterly audit of this Coy's accounts. As I have had no second in command, I have had to all the accounts myself - and so as C.O., I had to detail an Audit Board to audit them, and as the President had to be not below the rank of Captain, and I have no captains, I had to details myself as President. A bit comic, really. Everything was in perfect order - and fortunately, I had a visit from an officer of the Royal Army Pay Corps today - and he put me right on matters of procedure etc. But I feel, in a bit of a spin with figures now, and am glad it is all over and quite satisfactory.