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Glenwood 9.6.1861
My darling Brother, It seems so long since I parted with thee that I must write a little. I think of thee most all the time. Am I to blame for thinking so much of the one I love best? ? is a darling brother. Though I always knew him yet it seems as though I never realized it --- as forcibly as now. Ever since we went away to school together I have thought more of thee than any other person excepting our mother. I recall thy great kindness to me in helping me in my studies and have many times wondered at thy unfailing patience and kindness with my dulness. If I ever make anything of a scholar, it will be owing to the influence of thy example and advice.
I have said but little to thee about my feelings concerning thy going. I have felt a great deal. It would be strange if I did not for I have loved thee so much it seems as though I would change thy life for mine, yet, since the commencement of our trouble I have thought there was no resort but to ? and have wished to be a man that I might also engage in the conflict, as much as my feelings have dictated I have not ? and have endeavored to say nothing pro or con, but now there is no help and the seal is past the Rubicon passed, I fear. I love my brother better than very country. I have been reading "Resignation" every word recalls thee -- How ugly I was that day. I don't know what made me so do forgive that and 10,000000 other hateful streaks of mine. Thee has always returned these with kindness and love. We must meet again, I should grow crazy if I thought we should not. God bless thee my dear in thy going out and coming in. In whatever thee undertakes, most truly bless will thee in covering him with his peace which ? all understanding.
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stimulating me to a greater desire of knowledge which thee has taught me to consider as priceless. Dear Willie, how I wish thee now was gathering victories in the battlefield of learning. It is so strange that thee, who has such a desire for study should be deprived by thy health. I suppose it is for the best, but don't always think so. How many times I have wished I could have given thee some of my tuff helth. How I wish thee had the chance I have here, or the place at Leavenworths, where seems to me I should have been perfectly happy, how nice it would have been. Though I have no great opinion of his scholars, I know thee would not have become like them. The pleasantest times of my life have been spent with thee. I cannot bear the thought they may be all over. I have been cross and hateful a great many times,
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but please believe that was only the surface of scum and bubbles and that below it all were the still, pure waters of strong affection for thee whose deep current will continue to flow surely and ceaselessly until it reaches the sea of eternity, where I trust that our "rivers of life" will flow uninterruptedly through the unending time of Heaven. "I'm blind for tears", when I think of what a souterner's bullet or the fever poison may do. May God protect thee with the strong shield, [?] which he [guared?] Washington may his holy presence, his loving kindness, which is better than life be around thee, turning away the rebel's bullet, and the evils of camp life, whose corruption is worse than death. I have no fears for thee however on this subject for I think thy principles are firm and justright and true, stronger yet may they become.
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thee, I shall not feel bad if the is not Capt. unless it is a disappointment to thee, there is so much more care & responsibility. I want to hear all about everything, please write all particulars. How glad I should be to be there Sunday, we have done nothing here excepting get regulated and organize. I study Sallust Astronomy, Physical Geography, and Rhetoric and shall go into the Geometry Class when it is at the 8th book, and finish that. I have no roommate until Nancie comes, which I hope will not be long first. My room is smaller but pleasanter than last term and it begins to seem like home, the school bids fair to be as large as usual, which is very strange considering the hard times I think. I am anxious to hear from the People's, - how that opens. How I wish we could have visited more together when I was at home. My vacation seemed to be very much taken up. Have been sorry I did not go home with the [?] First day before thee
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enlisted but, then it did not seem for the best. I think I should do many things different to [live?] over a year or so but I might not do better or wiser. I hope to hear from thee very soon. I think of thee very, very often. I hope no evil may befal thee. It seems dreadful to think of this war, when will the end come? We women have nothing to do but patiently wait the fate of our friends, who are dearer than life to us. I wish I could do something to help thee, thy situation is hard, surrounded by many temptations civil life knows nothing about. I hope the may pass through the fiery furnace unharmed. God preserve thee on the battle-field and bring the safely home to us again.
"A woman's hearth is her country, and A desolate home is a desolate land
And thee is all the world to me."
How do Charley and Levi get along. Poor Sophie, I pity her, how sad she looked.
