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alixjohnson7 at Jul 29, 2019 01:52 AM

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attention when the Stanley Cup was dented "during the
celebratory parade" this summer, but Pantera member Vinni
Paul is one of the owners of The Clubhouse, a beautiful nude
club on the outskirts of the city. I've been on the receiving end
of a couple or ten table dances there and the women, though
pretty much all enhanced, are prettier than a new set of snow
tires. And the waitresses were wearing plaid skirts, thigh-high
white stockings and cropped white sweaters! So this is the
preferred hangout of the Stars when they're looking to unwind.
one of my friends was working at the Clubhouse when the
Stars won the Cup and relayed to me the story of how, at a
celebration at Paul's, the cup was lobbed poolward from the
balcony, and I guess it must have gotten dented when it landed
on someone's tit.

Which gets us to my two theories on why women enjoy
the sport and its players so much. Personally, my preferences
(the scarcity of Jewish hockey players notwithstanding) dovetail
nicely with the characteristics of many of our finer Czech and
Russian players. You can have your Modanos - give me a Satan
anytime. Check out that monobrow! But the fundamental
appeal of the hockey player goes far deeper than physical
appearance. Hockey players utilize an implement, a stick, to
manipulate an object, a puck, for the desired result, a goal. This
demonstrates a male animal more highly evolved than those
simply playing with a ball or trying to hit one with a bat. Said
male animal is therefore more desirable as a source of raw
genetic material to females of childbearing age.

Now, as to why women enjoy the game itself, I have a
more titillating example without the disturbing reproductive
aspects. Goals are much like the elusive femal orgasm - you
work carefully hard to get them and when they come there's a
really loud noise. Sometimes you think that the setup's perfect,
it's gotta come now, and then you're denied! Other times you
aren't even expecting it and boom! there it is! Don't think the
women watching a game don't feel like an actual physical rush
immediately after their team has scored. They know what it's
like to get that payoff. And it's always a goal, never a field goal or
a free throw instead, it's a goddamned goal and it's worth one
point every time you score.

- Susan LaInferioria
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