Maria Templeton to Margaret Bayard Smith, 6 February 1799

New York February 6th -- 1799

Without making apologies, which I dislike, more especially when good ones do not present themselves; or promises of amendment which unforeseen casualties may disable one from performing; I will, after having failed in many attempts, once more endeavour to answer your last epistle. Epistle. No, it was not worthy the name; it might have all been comprised in one page. And yet, when I consider what that little [was?], notwithstanding your parsimony, I must thank you. It was indeed a sweet letter Margaret, truly characteristic; twenty pages could not have given a more vivid resemblance; it agreed exactly with the opinion I had formed of this lovely woman, and I have reason to believe it just, as you, at the same time, so faithfully portrayed yourself.

I perused it with mingled pleasure and pain, but though I felt both to a great degree, yet I cannot tell which had the ascendant. Misjudging girl! to place so much of thy felicity in the power of others, as to suffer the coldness of indifference to fill thee with inquietude, or to let thy heart be gladdened by the smile of approbation! such, Margaret, is thy friend. -- I must, I will conquer this weakness, there is a want of dignity in yielding to it. I will do so no longer. If we would be respected by others, we must reverence ourselves. I feel that I am not unworthy of the friendship of those I esteem if I seek, and am not so happy as to obtain the inestimable gift, am I to suppose I do not deserve it? Surely not, conscious rectitude ought to deny this supposition. Affection is often wayward and capricious, not infrequently at variance with judgment, bestowing imaginary

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[excellencies?] on those, whose manners are attractive, and suffering virtue to pass unregarded, when clad in an uncourtly garb. To such reflections as these I fly for consolation, yet when I contemplate the perfections of Mrs. Higginson, I cannot avoid regretting that I had made no progress in her favour. I enjoy the friendships of many valuable persons, and I ought not to be so unreasonable as to repine if I cannot gain the friendship of all, who merit that title. One ray of hope darts in upon me in relation to Mrs. Higginson; she asked to see my letter, asked more than once. You know not the pleasure this gave me. [he?] who is drowning will catch at straws. Why did you not show it to her? Perhaps my writing would have proved better than my conversation. You know it has been said, by one who has a good opinion of me, that I write better than I talk. I do not fear you will tax me with vanity, for repeating this assertion, you will know, I do not think highly of my talents for composition. Ought not my respect for her understanding to be increased, when I find she is exempted from one of my failings, a proneness to decide hastily upon the merit of a character when my knowledge of it has been superficial. To admit prepossessions either for or against a person at a first interview, or even at an early period of acquaintance is reprehensible. Imagination by that means obtains the superiority over judgment, and when that happens, seldom fails to become the fertile parent of error. Even when time refuses to confirm her decisions, instead of acknowledging the mistake, stimulated by self-love we industriously search for reasons to support our prematurely formed opinion, and sometimes rest satisfied with those, which our judgment , [deleted]if[deleted] not under this misleading influence, would have rejected.

Amply indeed were your exertions rewarded by your gaining the acquaintance of Mrs. Rittenhouse. How much pleasure would the contemplation of advanced life afford us, if we could be certain of enjoying it as she does. She has rendered old age not only respectable, but desirable, for by continuing the pursuits of literature, she has effectually precluded the approach of peevishness and ennui.

Though I do not correspond with Miss Casper, at present, yet I have heard of her very frequently. She has sacrificed much to friendship this winter. She proposed spending it with Mrs. Fullerton, but Mrs. Bache warmly solicited her to make a [part?] of her family. Dr. Bache was absent, his sister very ill at her house, herself confined at home, by a young infant, and very often to her chamber, by ill health. In such circumstances how salutory and indeed, how necessary was the company of a friend. Thus invited, Miss Casper became her guest, became [sealed?] the gaieties of the city, and what she must have more regretted, was deprived of the society of those friends, whose political sentiments prevented from visiting at Mrs. Bache's.

You ask, how I pass my time, but you give me no account of your distribution of days and hours. I have been uncommonly domestic, not only in avoiding public amusements, but making few visits, and consequently rceiving few. [deleted]visits.[deleted]. All my leisure hours have been employed in reading Clarissa Marlowe. Have you read "Ormond? Mr. Brown told me he intended sending it to you. Let me know your candid opinion of it. What other works have you perused? What valuable acquaintance have you formed? Do you walk frequently, and who are your companions? Or to sum up all enquiries in your own phrase, "What have you been, and what are you now doing. Tell Maria I would have written to her by your brother, but I did not know he had been in New York, till informed of his departure. She deserves more from me than you do, Margaret. Her letters are more affecionate than yours. Shall I own that I was hurt by the too visible

coldness of your last, and that this was one of the causes of my not answering it sooner. But though your regard for me may be lessened, yet I will not cease to contribute all in my power to your happiness, and in hopes of giving pleasure now, present to you the affectionate remembrance of Maria Nicholson, which perhaps will be more acceptable than assurance of friendship.

from Maria Templeton

Ask Mrs. [Higginson?], from me, if she have read Swedenburgh

Miss Bayard at Mrs. Dr. Hodges' Arch Street above Four [M?] Street Philadelphia