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which it had been my intention to read, but -- not one of them
had been read! -- How natural is to try & excuse ourselves, but
anxious as I may be, I can find none that will now satisfy
me for throwing asside these instructive works & reading in
their stead those of mere amusement. During the whole of
my residence at Spring Hill my mind was strangely diseased
I could apply to nothig with effect, & altho' most of the
time I had leisure, I had not the fervor to improve it
an irresitible & unaccountable melancholy took possession
of me; whether it was the lonely wildness of the scenery,
the total solitude in which I lived, or the still linger-
ing remains of sickness, I know not, but never before,
or since have I [word] such entire desertion of spirits.
When I came back to the City, I busied myself in arrang-
ing the house & preparing for winter. At this time the
hope of being again a mother, gladdened my heart, but
it was the occasion during the three successive months,
of such extreme sickness, that I could not hold up my head
half the time, but lay on the sopha reading novels, when
I was well enough to read. James Bayard, arrived & being
put under my immediate care, I roused myself to pay those
attentions which were necessary. It was my serious &
earnest wish, to do all I could to correct those faults
to which he had been liable when in New York. Through
the day he was busy in the office, but of an evening I
read with him & generaly in french. The opening of
the session of Congress, enlived the city, I entered into
society, but with little interest, In part of December
Susan Smith arrived; I then saw more company &
went more into society, that is more into rooms crowded
with persons whom I neither knew or cared for; -- How many tedious
evenings have I passed in what is called gay company. As I