Page 330

330

Friday
Mar. 9

[*omit*]
Jhon and William Godfrey were both
unable to come up to the rack this morning.
I had sat up until two a.m. and had been
releived by Morton expecting him to keep
watch until 4. a.m. when William and John
would follow, but poor Morton wishing to
spare me, continued on in place of the
invalids. Of course I sent him to bed as
soon as practical but [end omit] [*strength going*] It was with a feeling
almost of dismay that I found how difficult
it was to get things to day.
Bonsall and myself the sole workers
after cleansing below, bedpanning and dressing
the sick, cutting ice, and cooking [our necessary meals] and serving messes
could hardly go further. The moral effects of an unbroken
routine I fully realise. Once a
systematic order departed from the results would
be [discomfort] despondency, and increase
of disease for all. It was therefore with feelings
not easily understood out of the source that I found myself
and comrade were barely able to cut the
necessary fuel. The end of the day finds
us both stiff and ill at ease - & having
to keep the night watch until 6. a.m. [and] I
have plenty of time to resolve my most uncomfortable
thoughts.

Be it understood that in expressing
these in my journal I express
them no where else. What secret thoughts
my companions may have are concealed
from me and from each other, but none
of them can see as I do, a future whose
realisation presents so clearly. Two results
one bright and comforting the other
inconceivably black and hopeless.

Should Hans come back with a
good supply of walrus and himself
unsmitten by the enemy (scurvy - our
sick would rise under the ginial