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WHY HAVEN'T I MANAGED YET?

(Most of these ideas were generated in Spring '83 + rehashed in Oct '83).

- No experience. I never plan parties, etc.

- Not talented at strategy or games, Marketing, Production, or Business

- No social skills for handling a great variety of people

- A bottom man in life. A cleaner/organizer.

- I CANNOT LEAD OR INSPIRE.

- I DON'T TELL STORIES WELL.

- VERY PICKY ABOUT who I spend time with. UNCOMFORTABLE + BORED WITH most people.

- I'm too fragile, unable to handle controversy and ambiguity.

(SO I'M NOT UPSET AT NOT HAVING $$

- I'M DIFFERENT FROM BILL + PAUL

- CAN'T do Business, so I don't need $$.)

The reason I've looked at diaries from 82 + 83 is to see what's left unresolved. I still dream about living in California where I can have good environment + friends, and out of this develop a lover + home. So I've seen in May '82 + Oct '83, WHEN I COULD'VE LEFT SEATTLE, why I didn't leave. BUT SINCE JULY 8, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON RESOLVING WHAT TO DO WITH PERS ACCT. This includes serious considerations ~ moving.

5-10:30 Work on Bob's budgets with him.