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he has looked on the bright side, I have looked on the dark
when he has been surrounding me with comforts; my mind
has been dwelling on some comfort of which I was deprived.
If I could live these 11 years over, I think I would act diffe-
rently; my chief object would be to make my husband
happy, in striving to do that, I would be performing my
duty, for it is only in performing my duty, that I would
make him happy. I pray God now, to give me strength
to perform every duty, & to direct me wherein my duty lies.
To know my duty, & to do it. My husband loves me now, but
I feel I could have made him love me more than he
does. When we married, he loved me with more intensity
perhaps than I did him; his heart had found an object
to rest upon, which it had long needed; & he poured out
the full abundance of his soul upon me. I on the contrary
had just come into life, my heart was unconcious of
any want; & therefore he did not supply to me what I did to
him, he filled up the void in my heart, before I was con-
scious the void was there. Since our marriage my love has
been encreasing; he has not disappointed my fond wishes; &
I love him to day more than I did the day of our mar-
rige. Can he say the same in return? my heart overflows
at the thought. The reading of those first letters, have saddened me
but I hope they have benefited me. For they have led me to form
good resolutions in my heart, to endeavor for the future, to make up for
the past; to amend my life, to perform my duties better, to think more
of my husbands happiness, to set a better example to my children, to ap-
preciate my comforts more, & to be less [illegible] at trifles. The excuse for
my past married life has been, that I have been constantly kept