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excited by Elections. I own I am easily worried, & ever since I have
been married, my husband has been before the people for their
suffrages, & the reports his enemies have circulated, & the fear that
he might be defeated, when so deserving of success, has kept my
mind so anxious, that it has made me view all things in a dif-
ferent light from what I otherwise would have done, little trifles
it has caused me to magnify into great trials, for I view every
thing according as my mind is affected, if I am anxious, I am an-
noyed by the bad behaviours of servants, children, & acquaintances,
in a way that would I can hardly conceive of, when my mind
is easy & untroubled, then I pass over such conduct [illegible]
except the children which I try to correct. This is my excuse that
my mind almost continually has been worried & excited &
though now in the same situation, I must endeavor to do better.
but I am afraid I can never replace the Idol on its Pedestal
which I am sure was removed long ago. My husband has been
[illegible] to continue to love me as much as he does, for he might
have ceased altogether to love me, I owe it to the imaginary perfec-
tion he clothed me with at first, that his love still exists, for he
would feign hope, that he was not mistaken; that his wife is
[illegible] somewhat like the lovely being he imagined when he be-
stowed his heart on her. If he knew the bitter tears she has shed
while thinking of his past love, while wishing that ^that [illegible] pe
riod might return, that she might live those years over, & do
her part better, he would forgive her all the sorrow she has cost him
all the wounds she had inflicted on his heart. For I ^have loved him
sincerly, my love has encreased & strengthened, for my [respect]
has been in proportion to my knowledge of his character
& disposition. I can barely sai I think no one equal to him.