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Windsor July 2nd Mon, 1838
I dedicate the following sheets to whatever attracts my attention either by event, accident or observation. Such as men and manners [??] and literature, seening, pholosophy [??]. The 28th, where a crcumstance happened which I shall not forget soon. A man whose position in society is that of a gentleman without being one himself, would to me to my face I cede in aeeordanance with my principles, self defence Though I might have been lustfifed in [??] [??] still, I waited for the first - [??] and the mothers his tongue I should have guess [??] my cause. He indulged in the privelege of thee vulgar by abusing me. See I could do consistently with self defence was to exprep my opinion of him in a veiw and emphasis that must have cut and heart.
When I take a retrospectere view of the past in comparison with the present, I am individually offected. My [??] [??] it would seem is not so flattering now as [??] last year. The WIndsor so [early] has a demoralising, degrading and lulling influence, I can not a ware that this influence is on me best it has had no good influence eeceme How to spot me out with the place. I expect to leave this place soon. There is no abiding affection with me, I carry us four recollections, but disgust and [??] have [encounted] more printions by deer here thaw [??] [??]. The first month of Summer is gone - frogs and long breaths and innumerable other creatures told [??] night [votez]. This summer as of unfantile tenses, the memory is a sweet meloncholy.
Windsor, July 3rd of 1838 Foliage in its splendour - birds give out pleasant and careless notes - it has just been raining - the sun sends his burning illuminating rays through watery clouds - smoke after chimneys in [a luis?] to the ground but a sighing breeze [hearable] the tender leaves. Corn in the fields rise like the curtains of a tunder cloud - field hands are plowing and hoeing - [defence] of the corn. Here is a theme for poetry. -
Tuesday night - 3rd the innumerable sounds of [weds] and the [stillurf] of night to a [personable] impart sentimental feeling. Shes being the dae of the 4th, the annivrsary of American independence, much preparation is making for it - I have gotten out of the pratice of composition. The weather is very warm - the farmers must have enough to employ them in keeping down the [graps]. I am down in feeling - I think forward of encouragement, - but not to [remain?] here [ a thousad of money could not indure me to do. I long for the opportunity to make some people feel what they are in comparison whith others. That my feelings may be [validated] and my standing rights. I wish to ger out of this Seek of [biee?] immorality inequity and unhealthily. I would be settled on a [badud?] of my own [wept?] a pharming good wife to solace my quill - and [??] the {??] of life. I wish had to be [pro] loudly enfafed in as much buseah as I can do.
Windsor July 4th Wed. 1838
Thus ends the sixty second anniversary of American Independence; which was celebrated here by first reading the Declaration of Independance by Jas Webb Esqr who prefaced it with a few trite remarks; and delivering an oration by Jas H Bate [Esqi]
At 20C [??] a public [?] was at Wilkin sons Tavern. This evening ater supper, the Windsor Thespians peromed to a goodly andi satisactorely. As we came up home, there was qute a beutiful display of fire works by a couple of medicical genrlmen The whole was concluded by the firing of a cannon A warm day and a beautiful moony night thus. The ovation did credit to the [orator] - it was well written and a beautiful composition. But the dinner was a marring scene. So soon as the volunteer toasts commenced, three or four drunken fellows, lost to the shame and [dwellery] and what was due to gentlemen , usurped every thing into thier over hands, and by throwing about liquor and smashing bottles and most rou dy like play in which source got mad, so man ed the harmony of the festival that the pary dispersed. a disgrace to those that caused it. Such is a brief tough time account of this day. I have derived no enjoyment from this day and never shall again a hae. My feelings suffer, and thus the cause perhaps I do not [??] [??] nd or Kill of the people here. Heaven help my future destiny. I merly paste a hate as a patriotism.
Windor the 6th July, 1838.
Yesterday felt tolerably smart today not so well bath days very warm - Read newspapers during that leasure. Today felt not well enough to read anything or even to thank shoughly - What experience I have had in arguing or con- versing civilly with the young people and [??] athus in that place [admouishes] me that I aught to abstain from much free [??] [??] with, and to preserve a general [??] in company when I do. Every fellow who can read a news paper is a politician, and over gained the reputation of being a politician they think it such a credit to them that are deserved to sustain; and blieve themselves as learned and know the [succes] of government as those who really do. Fools rush in where angels fear to [??] and is a fear motto for thus self conceeted and mostly a good of politicians.
I do not converse enough on argumentabe subjects with the learned to enable me to express myself with fluency ease and clearness and [inmotoul] that fiery and [emplate] manner which is liable to be miscasted into heated feeling. I know the reason of this - but I cannot cure myself and attainery profenciency in thus [toil] away these people becaus I can not [deigned] the respect due an intellegent man. And when Jackeapes affect to be big thing and refuse attention to me, I can only deartly pity them as I cannot help contemning them. Free if as the basis of all argament is [huth] and [??] excelling of an iring to this hath is brevity in plain derset [???] sense. -
Windsor, July 7th, Sat night, 1838-
I ever feel better in mind when I stay in my room and read all day for this reason, I enjoyed myself today better than I have those days an which I devoted [??] pany. Nothing new to night.
9th Mon, Yesterday 8th Sunday was the latter part of it but disagreeably enjoined by me I masprovoked to the recepity of a hasoval brash and a quarrel with a young man whom I had hitherto esteemed as a gentelman and a friend when not inebriated - When in liquer however I knew him to be foolish and disgusting to a considerable degree He had imposed on me monthes under the pretext of time over, and no harm fair and good humor. Though it was good to humer himself and sticklers, he saw as its conseques was much to my disadvantage, it was other than fair to me. And I had told him that his conduct as black [??] whith when I could not condescend to [??] list was a source of much disadvantage and displeasene to me - that if [??] any respect for me he must not demean hifself as he had done that if he did I should be compelled to resent him with determination to check him. He repeatedly disdained any thing of imposition and ill [??] but exp eped greatgood feeling towards me. However intolerable his conduct there before yesterday I thought he should be checked in as made as he seemed to be actuated from disrecpected [??]. So I brought the [??] to a crises [??] pressed my indignation and contempt for him in shoy emphatic and on equivocal languag. He tried first to bluff, then to brow beat me but said my reselae was taken - he shuck me with his fist and returned the bowe my cane. Had we not been separated, I was determined to use him up or die. I am still ready for another [??]