14

Oak Lawn, Fr. 6th March 1846

I feel so dull. Incapable of business today --
The finest weather. Truly Spring. Sunshine,
birds sing - it is warm though breezy. Nothing
by which my feeble powers can invoke a
theme hanging with ease - working by
which my mentor can be called up to my rescure.
Aee? is dull, cold, torpid. The world is moving on,
I am left behind. Well, I had rather be in good taste
than burst my gall. Biley liver however, it seems,
shows to most advantage. The sanguin tempera-
ment, the voluble tongue and roving voice -
these are the pasports, the humbugs to the
world's favor.
Tues 10th, Yesterday I made out my dockets for the
next Superior Court - did all that work in one
day - arranging and disposing my papers for con-
venience ruling the lines and writing, all in
one day. Heretofore, such has taken me two or three
days. I now do it all with ease in one day. It is bec-
ause I can now vamiliar with the busines.
It is true "short horse is easily carried." My docket
is small - I am peoplexed [sic] with nervousness.
It unhinges me and disturbs the right and
satisfactory disportion of myself. [struck: It] This is owing
to many complications causes peculiar to myself,
my rendition that is difficult to assign or reanen?
for it. Nevertheless, I am consoled to believe that
the disease is remendeable. These causes may be
removed. I am not properly speaking master of
myself. My dispositions are thwarted. I am exceedingly
dependent and kept tied down here without
the priviledge of going and coming as my vocation
and interest dictate. This has continued so long
as to overdo my patience. I am and have been
long, in the thralls of adversity. Grovelling sce-
nes and nauances surround me, and it is impossi-
ble to withstand their [blegerting?] influence.