Mary Emma Jocelyn diary, 1851-1852.

I assisted him that night to his room and saw him comfortably in bed. Mr Murphy called after he had retired and went up to see him--Harriet was ill herself and had been unable to come and see him at all during his illness.

On Thursday morning, Father prayed with him as he had done every morning since he was first taken, and as he left him remarked to him what a good opportunity that thee had of meditating on religious things when all around him was so quiet and there was so little to distract his attention "Oh Father!" Natty replied, "you don't know how much I think!" -- I again assisted him to rise as I also did the two morning following, and carried up his meals most of the time--In the course of the morning he sent to the Doctor to know what he might eat. The Doctor ought to have replied in person but instead of so doing sent back word that he might eat whatever he chose. Poor Natty! he was so afraid of injuring himself that he did not eat as much as he should have done and however much he might wish it would not touch anything between meals, from a very mistaken idea that it might be hurtful, when in all probability it would have proved more beneficial than anything else -- I fear we all depnded too much on a careless and ignorant physician.

Oh! How important it is to know in whom we trust!

We have no excuse for a blind confidence in one whom do not know - to be worthy, and when God permits us to eat

the fruit of our folly, we have no right to lay it at the door of Providence and thus shirk off our own responsibility and lose the benefit of what he doubtless intends as a solemn warning! God's Providence is often instructive, and oh he has taught us all a fearful lesson, never, never to be forgotten! -- -- In the afternoon of this day Mr Herrick (the gentleman to whom Natty was apprenticed as an engraver) sent to him several very large books filled with fine engravings, accompanied with a kind letter. Natty was extremely pleased, and amused himself with them ost of the afternoon. Samuel Wilde spent the evening here but did not see Natty. On Friday morning when he put his usual wuestion "Don't I look better?" I hestated and evaded a direct reply - I could not have bear to disappoint and grieve him by saying no, and yet he did not appear as well even as he had done. Cornelius had bled much at the nose during the night and lay during the first part of the morning in Mother's room whch was darkened, so when I assisted Natty down stairs we went into the front chamber, and I settled him comfortably in the rocking-chair by the window, and went off to look for his slippers which had been mislaid, but was suddenly taken with bleeding at the nose, and detained a short time, but hastened back to him as soon as I could without the slippers which I had failed to find. He looked so exhausted and wearied, "Never mind, the slippers," he said, "only do get me out of this room -- I can't stay here -- I can't breathe here!"

This was the room where he staid when first taken ill and to which he had taken a great aversion it was the first time we had prevailed upon him to enter it from the time he was first able to leave it. We could none of us understand why it was not as pleasant as the back-room whcih he liked so much, but he seemed in real distress and so anxious to get out of it that I left him with Carrie and went in search of Mother to arrange matters. I had some difficulty in finding her, she came immediately, but was obliged to get Nellie up and arrange the room a little before it was ready for him. All haste was made, but it seemed as if he could not wait a moment. I laughed at his singular prejudice against this room that seemed so pleasant to me and tried to divert his attention to the street and the prospect from the window. He closed his eyes and turned his head away as if wearied with my words, and then almost crying said, "OK! I am almost stifled, I can't breath and I am so hot!" Carrie and I took off his vest, it seeme to relieve him and then we all went into Mother's room. He probably suffered as much there as the heat was excessive, but made no complaint. I sat for some time beside him on the bed turning over the leaves of one of Mr Merrick's large books and talking with him about the pictures. As an artist he took a deeper interest in them than I did, and pointed out beauties and defects in each that I did not observe. But though he tried to talk it was plainly a great effort for him. "Talk

to me, Emma, I can't talk I am so weak." So I talked with him and showed him the pictures till we were interrupted by the entrance of sister Annie who had come to spend the day with him. He was glad to see her, but did not seem to enjoy anything all day was very restless and often faint-- We all attributed it to the heat and did not think that he was really worse. He often called us to bathe his forehead and would say "Oh! it feels so good!" Early in the afternoon Mary Reeve, Hannah & Sarah Wilde called Mary wished much to see him but he was then laying down and seemed almost too weak to express even a wish to see them, and looked so ill that I feared they would be too shocked at his altered appearance to be able to conceal it from him. I therefore excused him and requested Mary to call and see him the following Monday when I added he will be better and will enjoy it more. Had I even thought of the possibility of its being the last opportunity of her seeing him in life, I would not by any means have let her have gone without speaking once more to him who was to her as a brother. Poor Mary! we have both wept bitter tears over it since. We made an engagement to go out together and make calls on the Monday next, and she was also to visit Natty. How little did we dream of the sorrows of that eventful Monday! Starr came over to tea, he and Annie were both alarmed at his appearance, but knowing that we had medical advice, and that he was supposed to be recovering they did not say as much as they otherwise would have done, and his increasing weakness was attributed to the dreadful heat of the day which not only him but us also. I had bled at the nose several times during the day and felt so badly

myself that after assisting him to his room I also retired.

The next morning Annie came up to see him while I was helping him to his breakfast, he had been refreshed with sleep and she thought he looked better and told him so, he looked up so grateful and pleased when she said it, and inquired how long she thought it would be before he was well, she replied, "in a few days probably" and made some suggestion to him about eating and taking proper care of himself to which he listened most attentively, and earnestly. He said he had not slept well during the night was troubled with bad dreams, and had a pain and stiffness in his limbs. However he arose and with my assistance went down to Mother's room. He seemed to think himself better and tried to walk as much as he could, and strange indeed with Mother's assistance went down two flights of stairs to the basement, stopping to rest at the parlors each time as he passed them. "Oh Mother," he said as he sat on the sofa, "how nice it is here. I wish I could stay here and sleep here to-night." but when Mother told him how inconvenient it would be he said no more. He was restless and fancied that in a different room he would feel better, but he was glad to get back to Mother's room and rest. I occupied the morning in writing to Kate Hudson a duty which I had neglected on his account for several days, I now felt that I could put off no longer but oh how I dearly now regret that I permitted anything to keep me from him a moment, there were other tings too that I was obliged to attend to, and though I was in his room frequently I did not stop any longer than was