Mary Emma Jocelyn diary, 1851-1852.

how near was the final event. Starr said nothing to us of his fears, but went immediately to New York for Albert. After Mr Murphy had left the sick-room he said to Father, "you are going to lose him". "No! No! you must'nt say so." Father replied the Doctors give us every encouragement; he will be better soon" still he left us with sad forebodings. Harriet had heard during the morning that Natty was worse, and too ill to come to him herself she spent the day in earnest prayer for him she says she never prayed so for herself that she felt impelled to do so, she hardly knew why, for she also heard that we did not apprehend any serious result -- and that at times when she would stop overcome with the thought that perhaps her prayers would not be heard, she would think of Father and feel comforted with the reflection that God would hear his prayers if He would hear none other. So with me all the morning whatever I was doing, a prayer was ever in my heart and on my lips for him. Shall we not trust that He who at that solemn time gave us the spirit of prayer also lent a gracious ear to our supplications? -- About two o'clock P.M. I fed him for the last time with some broth. Is'nt it good I asked? "I can't taste it" he replied -- When he had finished I kissed his forehead and said, Dear Natty. He started and gazed earnestly and penetratingly into my face as if my words had been but an echo of his fears, but seeing nothing in my countenance but a look of quiet surprise he said nothing and I left him little dreaming that we had talked together for the last time. He seemed quite comfortable for an hour after that. I was busy down stairs when Carrie came and told me that Natty was worse. I hastened to him - he seemed to be in much distress and cried. "Oh I can't live so!- I can't live so!- can't you

do something for me? " Father was doing all he could do and had sent for the Doctor. Carrie and I wept in silence - just then Julia Waterman came in, she was much shocked at his altered appearance, at first too much so to come into the room but when she entered a few moments after Natty observed ^ her and said "Julia, Julia and soon after "Come here Julia." she came to him "Talk to me." he said - she was too much distressed to speak and, after waiting a moment for her reply, he said "Julia, I love everybody." He had formerly not been very partial to her and now wished to assure her that all such feelings were forgotten. The Doctor now arrived and did his best to revive his sinking patient - all was done that could be done and with the rapidity that the case required. Dear, kind Mr Murrow what should we have done without him in that moment of hate and despair _ with his bare hands he rubbed Natty's limbs with the burning liquid that none of us could have borne to touch, andquick as thought he brought all that was asked for and did all that was required __ but all in vain, the stimulants failed to rouse the sinking pulse and the stagnate blood refused to flow into the [Dr?] and motionless limbs, but the sufferer had forgotten all bodily pain. Death he knew had come and with that dread knowledge all the energies of human love were roused; his first thought seemed to be of Father who had left the room a moment. "Where's Father?" he exclaimed, "call him back. Father! Father! Father!!" he repeated in accents of entreaty and affection. Father was beside him but still that supplicating cry went up as if that beloved name could shield and save him. Voice strength were failing rapidly but still he repeated it again and again and as he

grew weaker substituted the word "Pa" __ "Pa ! Pa ! Pa !" Oh! how sad and entreatying was that cry ! __ Then after a pause he said sorrowfully but resignedly "Dear Father Dear Mother Bye Bye; Bye Bye!" as if speaking to us all _ it was all he had strength to utter. _ This had passed in a very few moments and our attention had been divided between his words and the vain attempts to rouse him into life Was it strange that we still hoped? _ that so sudden was the dreadful shock that we could neither believe nor realize it _ Father was the last to give him up, how could^he with those tones sounding in his ears? The Doctor stopped in despair but Father said "once more" and again he raised the drooping head and poured the brandy into his mouth it gurgled in his throat __ "Try Natty; try to swallow it." he entreated, but the next moment laid him back on his pillow his eyes fixed in death. Never shallI forget the agony of that moment as he dropped helplessly into a chair and covered his face with his hands in all the anguish of despair of a parent's heart. Poor Mother, bending over her dying boy, lifted an imploring glance to the Doctor while the fearful question faltered on her lips - "Can't you save him?" "No earthly power can do that" was the heart-rending answer Oh the agony of that hour to us all! - Carrie and I wringing our hands in the wildest grief that we had yet known, while Cornelius and Frederic with a bitter cry threw themselves to the bed beside their dying brother. Only for a moment did Father forget himself; his child he could not save from the power of the ruthless destroyer, but the immortal soul was still lingering in the land of hope; he sprang up and again

bent over the bed of death, "Natty," he said, "we cannot save you, can you trust in the Lord Jesus?" "Yes," was the prompt, clear reply. "Give your heart to God, Natty, cast yourself into the arms of the Saviour can you do this?" "Yes," he again replied and to several other questions of the same nature he likewise replied. Then Father knelt in prayer -- Oh such a prayer -- it was like wrestling with Jehovah, and seemed to take hold of every promise to the faithful, and the dying, and plead them with a merciful and covenant keeping God. -- Doubtless it was heard and accepted. __ When he ceased Natty appeared to be talking to us for some time, but his voice was so feeble and indistinct that we could understand nothing that he said. He was composed and after a pause seemed to be singing to himself, then again he seemed in prayer, but all we could make out were these two words which he pronounced clearly and distinctly -- "Lord Forgive." -- Soon all was hushed, he still breathed, but lay speechless and motionless with his eyes fixed. Father paced the room absorbed in prayer suddenly he stopped, clasped his hand upon his breast exclaiming "I can give him up now - let him go [Dr?] 'The Lord gave and the Lord taketh away and blessed be the name of the Lord"for as he spoke he had within himself the [Dr?] assurance that his prayers were answered and his child was saved. He says it seemed to him like a flood of glory suddenly let in upon his soul __ the most glorious thing this side of heaven - while to us it seemed as if God had spoken to Father and through him to us assuring us all of the eternal happiness of our beloved one. Just as Father uttered the last words Starr and Albert arrived and caught the expression as they entered. What a shock it must have been!