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home, but should we not starve? 2. I could shut
up to the pavements ^{of N.York.,} & cold shouldering, & cringing
hat in hand to pastors for their pulpits. I could be
a beggar all my lifetime for many to ^be used in Boston (dont
know how long I sh. live)—This would keep me somewhat at home
say half the time—To be complained of however for not
building up the Soc. as I might. But this I could bear, as
at Boston they would have the night to complain. My
duty would be quietness & harder work.

(Do you know that no pastor in NYk. or Brooklyn, with
the exception of one or two Congregational houses, ever
ask me to their pulpits. Did I ever tell you that
from 3000 Circulars ^{(sealed letter)} with a personal note with ⁱⁿ my
name appended directed to Presbyterians—Baptists
Episcopalians—Lutherans ^&c on the N. Yk field only one or
two individuals even responded in any ^{way. Such is the
general indifference to the Soc.} & they were all sealed letters) Shall I work more broadly? is the question.

This absence from home is as painful to me
as to you—more so, for I am the special sufferer. I
have looked all over Washington more than once
to see if we could not live here—And yet if
the present indications of Providence are followed
& you are properly supported it seems as if I must