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The Sally Hemings
Vol. 2
No. 1

T HE MAKING OF AN OUTSIDE AGITATOR by Pubicus

Tom Doran has a bushy red beard, an endless supply of leaflets, and a lot of screwy socialist ideas. How does the University interpret all this? "Everybody knows," according to Rae Houchins, Chief of Security, "that fella Doran's intimately mixed up with the Black Panthers." If Doran were just the only local red-haired Black Panther, perhaps the University wouldn't care -- live and let live ya know -combat error with truth and all that. The problem is that Doran isn't a student -- mainly because he hasn't been permitted to re-enroll.

Everybody knows what a politically hyped ex-student is: an OUTSIDE AGITATOR. Outside agitators are those people who spend all their time telling lies to "our basically decent students" and getting them upset about the Vietnam War or Racism or some other outside agitator fabrication.

Last spring Doran was charged with breaking some windows in Cabell Hall. He denied the charge, and still does. A couple of University witnesses "weren't 100% certain" that Doran was the culprit, but that's never stopped justice in Virginia and Doran was convicted. He's an outside agitator, right?Of course he broke the windows.

Doran got off with a fine, which didn't suit D. Alan Williams (among others) one little bit, 'cause Doran is a MENACE. Williams sent Tom a letter threatening arrest for trespassing should there be more "agitation." Then things were quiet for a while, even though Doran insisted on 'trespassing' with his infernal leaflets.

Last week, a local grand jury indicted Doran for perjury, a felony, for pleading innocent to breaking the windows, a misdemeanor. Yesterday, the local police 'trespassed' on campus just long enough to walk off with Doran, whose bail has been set at $5000. D. Alan Williams was not reported to be in tears.

The Moral (or immoral, as the case may be): If you're on the Uni-czar shit list and you don't have an airtight alibi for every broken window on the Grounds and you don't want to pull five years for pleading innocent to such a misdemeanor, then you better find your ass another academic village.

THE JULIUS HOFFMAN FRAMERS OF THE CONSTITUTION AWARD TO: Judge George M. Coles for his refusal to lower Doran's $5000 bail. After which he put his book in his pouch, balanced back on his tail, and hopped out of the room.

TO JOHN HERRING: 25 grains of grass and a can of Tree Frog Bear inscribed with this phrase: "A fool-ish consistency is the hob-goblin of little minds." --Emerson

HEY, D. ALAN WILLIAMS -- We bet you never expected to see us back!

CONTRIBUTE TO THE TOM DORAN DEFENSE FUND!

The Sally Hemings would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to the University of Virginia. We would remind you, however, that under the preventive suspension code, anything vaguely resembling the exercise of freedom of speech may be highly dangerous. (Consider this a clarification)