Gold Rush Letters of Henry A. Parker

time he began to be neglectful, & was off too much evenings &c for my fancy & I was wise enough to see that if we kept on at that rate that we should soon be reduced to nothing. Still I could not make F believe it & for a long time he would not agree to sell out which hindered me from doing so but I was determined to get out of it at some rate or other & at last I told him so & he finally agreed to sell out which we did do without losing any thing providing that I get all my pay of him as I have got about $200. deposited in the Bank & which I am bond [bound] to hold on to so that I can get to the States at any time.

All of the above, please say not a word about to any one not even to Friend Tucker as I shall endeavor to come out right yet in time, & I have about made up my mind that "Contentment is the best fortune" You wrote that a copy of the Journal I kept during the voyage from New York to this place would be very interesting to you & I would gladly send it to you but I have not as yet got it copied and as the original one is written with a pencil & hardly intel= ligible you must excuse my sending it at present but I will promise to copy it as soon as I have time & save it for you. I think you must have felt somewhat anxious for my safety when you heard by way of Sam Tucker [Samuel P. Tucker] that I had not arrived here the last of June & that the Stag Hound had then been due 20 days, but if you had known the fact that vessels are often due 40, 50 or even 60 days before they arrive you would not have felt alarmed as such is often the case owing to calms, adverse winds &c [etc.]. While on our way out here we thought our living was not fit for brutes

that is during the last few days of our voyage & indeed it was much harder & poorer living than I ever expected to be obliged to put up with, but since I arrived here I have made up my mind that I ought to be thankful that it was no worse as it was all sufficient to sustain life & would have been called luxurious living by hundreds who have lately arrived here nearly starved to death!!!

A few days since a small vessel arrived here having been 196 days from Panama! -- During which time many actually died from starvation & for several days before arriving here they were reduced to an allowance of one biscuit and a glass of water per day. Another vessel arrived ahead 12 months from Liverpool. 4 weeks before they arrived the captain died & when they arrived here 10 men were sick with the scurvy. The sufferings at sea are truly heartrending & I can assure you that I feel truly thankful for my safe arrival here in the enjoyment of good health & now that I have just heard from you all -- & that you are all well I am as happy as I could expect to be situated as I now am. As I intend writing a few lines to Charles & Hattie you will please excuse me from writing you much more at this time. By last mail I received letters from Mr & Mrs Tucker which were very acceptable & which I shall answer this afternoon. Saml [Samuel Tucker] is now with me & is writing to his mother. He has been here 3 weeks but has not succeeded in getting into business so he has concluded to start tomorrow in company with John [John Keep] & Wm Keep [William Keep] for the mines for the third & last time. They would like to have me go with them, but I had rather work here for low wages thereby being sure of making something all the time, & by staying here I shall be more sure of receiving your letters as soon as the mail arrives here. I have thus far written you by every mail & shall continue to do so & I hope to hear from you by every mail also. I will now lay aside my letter until a day or two previous to the sailing of the Steamer which leaves the 1st of Oct next. Wednesday Eve Sept 29th Am well as usual H.A.P. [Henry A. Parker]

[vertically on left margin] Love to all Write often to Your loving & affectionate Son H. A. Parker [Henry A. Parker]

San Francisco Sunday Oct 10th/52

My Dear Mother,

Do you call me a liar -- a deceiver -- and that too when I think you have no reason for doing so. Indeed it is too true, & when I read your letter dated Aug 31st I was astonished to think that when I was doing all in my power to atone for my past undutiful conduct, & trying to do what was right hoping to please you & to relieve all your anxious feelings for my future welfare -- while doing all I could do in order that my conduct might merit your kind approbation, again I say while doing thus -- then to receive a letter from you written in such a manner -- it was too hard -- and while feeling happy in anticipation of being forgiven for the ill manner in which I have treated you for two years past, I say while anticipating this which made me feel happy -- Alas! my happiness was suddenly changed to misery by receiving your letter wherein you saw fit to charge me with lying deceiving &c, & then for the first time was I aware that my words could not be believed when I pledged my sacred word & honor that they were true -- & worse than all to be doubted by my own mother! Is it possible that I have brought myself so low & that my mother sister & brother have lost all confidence in me. I cannot believe it true

Over

& I think upon consideration had I fully explained all in my letter of the 7th July you would never had occasion to have written me in the manner you have written. But I will now explain all & will adhere to the truth in all my statements & will keep nothing back from you that is at all connected with the affair.

Let the following words which shall be true settle all & inform you of my honest intentions which I shall adhere to strongly. Of my doings in P you know all about. After leaving there & on arriving at New York I wrote a letter to Lize Tr [abbreviated last name] just previous to my sailing for this place. On my arrival here I received a letter from her but none from Ames as you suspected

I then wrote her an answer in return & then determined that I would never write her again & thus far I have not broken my resolution, which grows stronger day by day. This is probably the letter she made such a parade about in P. & well might she do so for it is the last she will ever receive from me. Last Friday however I received a letter from her dated at Boston Sept 1st but you must have no fears of my answering it as I shall never do so for I care nothing about her & I never for a moment thought of marrying her, far from it I assure you. Let them talk as much as they have a mind to but pay no attention to what they say for they know nothing whatever of my affairs. When she first wrote me March 18th, she wrote me to direct her letters to Pepperell & when I wrote her July 6th I directed to P. & not to Nashua as you intimated. This is the only letter I have written

her since I have been in California. The first last & only one should I remain here twenty years --

I will now tell you why I think myself innocent of the charges you preferred against me in your letter of Aug 31st. When I wrote you the 7th of July that I intended to conduct myself differently & to have nothing more to do with Lize T-r [abbreviated last name] I was sincere in what I wrote & I was in hopes you would have had no reason to doubt me. & the only way I deceived you at that time was by not telling you that I had received a letter from her among others which I received on arrival here & found at Mr. Waltons but if I remember right I did not say that I did not receive one from her which I did do & received another last Friday the 8th inst. but I have not received one single line from W. Ames.

I wish to have you understand that I had written her before I wrote you & that before I wrote you what I did I had firmly resolved to try and atone for past misconduct which resolution thus far remains unbroken. When I first read your letter of the 31st Aug however, I felt miserable enough & for some time could not see why you should accuse me so hard while I thought myself innocent, but I now think you did not fully understand me but I hope & trust that the above explanation will prove satisfactory & that you will no longer have reason to doubt me & you may rest assured that I shall endeavor to do as you wish to have me do so far as I can & any advice you may give me from time to time I will try and profit by to the best of