Richard William Weiland Papers

was walking around by myself when they started to play good music, the Big LA favorite of mine. So I found Pat + while dancing I saw a cute guy looking at us, and afterwards we talked. He'd just moved here, didn't have anything going on, didn't respond to what I said I do, but he was quite affectionate, and I was impressed. Hard getting through attitudes + cliques. Living in Marina del Ray, also pretty far from gay hub. Tony Constantine was his name. [yellow highlight] I brought him a drink + myself a CKC. [underline] So: Joint in hash oil 4 hits of Coke 3 Scotch +Soda 2 Coffee, Raluah + cream [yellow highlight] It was funny because I rarely drink much, and I hadn't want coke. 1:00 When the lights came on, I asked if Tony wanted to go to Probe, and found out he had to get his roomate. And they had a white Mustang convertible. I was feeling quite good now. [yellow highlight]

They dropped me at my car, and I started to lead them to Probe, but they overtook me, and went down the "No thru traffic" street. I was begging to think this was bizarre. [yellow highlight] And his friend was very negative on a lot of stuff, perhaps just posturing against me.

On arriving at probe, I offered to get Tony a drink, but no thanks and he didn't feel like dancing w/ me. So I had a good time dancing- 3 songs with Dick, and danced 1 song dully with Pat. When I went to find Tony, they were playing pinball, Tony badly losing. Pat + Dick said they were leaving so I showed them out. Pat said it was ok to bring Tony, or both, home. [yellow highlight]

But by the time I returned, they were dancing together, having a good time. Arms around each other, after dancing. [yellow highlight]

But it's not same as last trip. Why?

No Dick or Jorge then

No drugs, until Probe to stay up, then

No cocaine at all, then

No sun today

But was it better then in 86 because I had no consideration of moving here, as I did in 1985 or this time. Perhaps. That 86 trip was free to be an unreal fantasy, but this trip is just a vivid rerun of what I felt about LA in 1985, when I wrote about it. The last time before, those Sep '85 trips to LA, was Sep '84 trip that turned out to be awful, locking myself out of apartment, escaping to Laguna, doing MDA there, meeting Calfin Marcus, 102, awful. I was so happy to be back in Seattle after that. Remember how I didn't even stop at gym on the way to Palm Springs at Thx '84. Doing drugs so much then made me unstable.

OVER THE LAST 3 YEARS, I'VE MADE TRIPS TO LA ONLY IN THE FALL, but there have been other trips to So Cal,

- Quite a few to SD in 1985

- Laguna July 4 '86

- Palm Springs + San Diego Autum '86

1:30 What to do for rest of this trip? Call for Microsoft quote. 64...It had been around 71...Try calling Greg. Not home.

2:00 Dick goes to gym. Move ~ 7:00. Read Chap 1 of "Computer Animation." Make pasta + eat rest of chicken. Decide not to go to SD or OC? Maybe go to SF right away? (Thought mentally about all places in S. Cal.)

4:15 Go for a drive. REALIZED STRONGLY I WANT A PLACE OF GREAT CEREBRAL ENERGY. I WANT TO STUDY THINGS AND HAVE A GAY LIFESTYLE. Before going driving, call Tony Constantines number, get recorder "We are not in..."

4:30 Get into SF. Race to Gate 5. See Dale + Steve from Seattle returning on my flight. Take Nuprin for headache. On flight, read more feeling better. 2nd wind.

7:00 Take taxi to Capital Hill. Get settled. Get groceries. Make + eat dinner. Talk with Bill F. and Mark.

10:00 Go to bed. Bed felt great.

Tues Dec 2 '86

What really makes me feel stupid about yesterday is that I told Bob Browning on Wednesday not to do Coke. And Mark had just told me he'd overdone coke Wednesday evening.

I decide yesterday is a "sick" day not a vacation day at all.

Each and every time I do coke or crystal at night I am zonked the next day and I lose my judgment

1) Crystal (coke + Chuck could've been disaster New Years) from Lee Salinas last February made me go to Tubs and I felt groggy all day Sunday at library (but it was not bad)

2) Doing coke night before cruise made me sleepless (bad dreams) 2.5 crystal at Probe + next day was wonderful.

3) Coke at Halloween made me want to be with Daniel Anderson who I didn't care for enough to see again. I may have hurt him and was embarrassed to run into him.

4) Crystal Sat night in SF made me groggy Sunday. But not bad

5) Coke in Palm Springs made me mindless on Monday and made me overexcited about Lane.

1985 only

So I know coke is bad.