p.

5.
It's so baffling darling, the order in which your letters arrive
In one every thing is fine, and then another one comes in
which everthing seems to be wrong for you - then I
have to realise that the last one was posted much
before the previous one - and so I console myself by
saying that everything is alright again now - then still
another one comes, later again, in which you are
down again. And it is the same about how you are
getting my letters too - and suddenly, instead things improving
they are becoming worse.

I was reading through all your older letters again, last
week - and felt so upset and furious again about that awful
misunderstanding about the money I am spending . I just
jumped up and down in my chair and wrung my hands,
hopelessly, that you should have been caused so much
worry and anxiety and sorrow and I suppose anger - when I
should have explained things in my letters as I went
along. I did tell you quite a lot about it, I thought,
but apparently not enough, and maybe one or two letters
were missing at that time. It is too late to do
anything now, because it has happened, and now you know
that it was all a mistake. But it does seem to tragic
and enfuriating - that you had been saving and scraping
along so carefully and so sweetly, and you were so proud
of it, from your letters to me - and then suddenly you
get the bombshell, which suggests that I am having
a gay, pissy old time and not caring a damn for
anybody or anything. Whereas, in fact, I was buried