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New York, July 12 -1800
Write to me the instant you receive my letter, you would some times say, “not you will write with more care.” I have just read it dear Margaret, and will write though it should be but a little, to show you how much I love to do what you wish. In truth I am not quite in a writing time at present. I have been playing the housewife all day and to exercise the pen seems awkward. But to speak my thoughts to you, my dear Margaret has not since last winter been a task of difficulty, and what is this but thinking on paper. I was quite uneasy about Mrs. Scot and the infant, the day was so in tensely warm, it rejoiced me to hear that they did not suffer much.
How strange are your feelings, yet perhaps, I am wrong to say so, perhaps they are exactly what I should have expected from your previous resolutions. I cannot felicitate you on them, however, nor wish their continuance, to me they are more intollerable than any others, I even think them worse than actual pain; you must be different in this respect, because you are so much more susceptible of painful sensations than I am, and your present ones may in the long time evolve themselves into that cheerful contentment which is allied to happiness. I used to imagine your sister and yourself resembled in some degree, and that time would increase the similarity, but my opinion has since varied, and I mark more differences than resemblences. But community of heart may exist where there is difference of character, for it exists between you and me. I do not wonder at your propensity
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to concealment when with Maria for though I cannot [ ] why, I too have felt it, yet there have been moments in whichI could [. ] myself to her, but they have seldom occurred. [. ] Margaret, I would not wish to appear unkind, yet I shall write with less freedom, less as I have talked to you, if you suffer my letters to be seen by another than yourself. Every thing that relates to me particularly must be reserved entirely for yourself.
Sunday July 13th
I was not going on the battery when you took your solitary ramble but I was wishing for a walk there. The day had been extremely warm, and contrary to custom I marked the lengthening shadows with pleasure, in the hope that evening would bring with it some refreshing breezes which I might enjoy in the [. ]. But perhaps nobody will come. Oh yes I am sure Mr _____ will be here, for I have not seen him since Monday. The evening advanced, no one came, I felt something like a disappointment, yet deter mined to resist it. Come dear Eliza, and sing me some of your sweetest songs I want to be soothed to night. she complied, her notes never fail to open my heart to pleasure, they were most successful, and my intended walk was al most forgotten, when my [. ] arrived, and about five minutes after Dr. Rodgers made his appearance. I could not propse wlking to him so was obliged to sit still. As soon as he departed we went to the battery’ Eliza was with me, just as were going out Mr. Brown entered, I mentioned our intention and in= vited him to join us. No, he could not walk, but would not detain us. I shall be at home tomorrow, let me then have the visit you intended making me to night “____” You shall. “_____ The air was delicious, yet I could not long enjoy it, The evening was almost gone, and you not here to sanction my remaining till eleven. “You have heard from Miss Bayard. “__” No, I have not “__” You have not, what can be the reason of her not visiting. I am surprized at her silence.” I regretted it, but thought she might be engaged with her [. ] — “Perhaps so”. —
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Margaret I thought of you very often this evening, of our last converation, it has left a very deep impression on my mind. I will endeavor to profit by your friendly admonitions. When he took my hand, I thought of you and was on the point of with drawing it, but, Margaret I have not seen him since Monday and he only held it lightly, as if about to let it go —- If you think I need advice, do not spare me my friend, probe as deep as you will, I will thank you for the kind intention. If you suppose me in danger, do not permit my guardian angel to sleep on his duty, be watchful and remember that in that love no other can do for me what you can. To noother have I or can I explain myself on this subject. —
But you will say where have you been. To [. ], I had promised Mrs. Sharple to visit her last week, but wanting inclination, and having much to do at home, I wrote her an apology on Monday morning, the same morning I received visits from Mrs. Mitchell and her sister and we agreed to go to the next week to pay Mrs. Sharples a tea visit , which I liken much better than staying all night. In the afternoon Mrs. Nicholson came. I never felt more glad to see her, my heart sickened at your departure. Part of it seemed to go with you. Margaret, I never felt so much at parting with you a weight seemed pressing on my heart which no cautions could move, when [. ]went home the family had not yet risen, I had to knock some time befor[ ]could gain admittance, you know not how much this trifling circumstance affected me. To talk to Maria was a relief, she stayed all night, we walked on the battery. The next morning had a charming visit from Mr. Miller, but I must write the converses another time, I cannot now. — Perhaps I will write by the boat. At last Mr. Sharples came, for the purpose, he said, of escorting me to [. ], “Has not Mary received my note. “ - No she has not heard from you,” I mentioned its import and found from his face that I must go, so we set off the next morning, and I staid there two nights. Next time you shall hear all about it.
Mr. Brown was here last night, Mr. Johnson came in soonafter, but will not stay long, and left Mr. Brown behind. I said I had a letter from you, “Oh that was what I was going to ask, and when will you answer it,”—-“I shall send my answer on Monday.” __”he took a piece of paper out of his pocket, “Will you transcribe this in your letter”. Take care of it. It is of great importance to me.” __ What is its t”__ “There is a boarding school at Brunswick, I wish to know if a teacher is wanting and whether a lady of my acquaintance could obtain admission in that capacity.”—-“You raise my curiosity. I feel disposed to ask you many questions
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but feel they would be thought improper. “_”I am ready to answer any you shall propose and I wish you to make some”_”Who then is that lady, I conjecture me”_” If the one whose letters you have seen”_”so I imagined.” He then mentioned some circumstances which rendered her residents at home very distressing, said he most earnestly wished she could get settled at Brunswick, for then beside many great advantages, she might gain that inestimable blessing the friendship of Margaraet Bayard. She could neither teach drawing, mind on the languages, but anything else she could. I said, / but not unfeelingly Margaret/ that her hand-writing was not very good. No, he replied, she had unfortunately neglected it, yet he had seen good writing by her. Poor girl her sufferings have been great, he felt, Margaret when he spoke of them, he seemed to endeavor to conceal to overcome his feelings, but they did not escape any observation.
Adress written vertically: “Miss Bayard, New Brunswick, New Jersey”
Why should he wish to subdue the sympathies which bind human beings together why should he not let me see as well so left me in a [. ], that he was greived at her misfortunes. “ He sat with me till near eleven, ‘tis a long time since I have had such an interesting conveersation with him. I inclose this segment, and I know your benevolent heart too well to think it necessary to enforce it. I fear Miss Mary would not consider her as accomplished. but Mrs. [. ] taught there and surely Miss P__ may be quite as capable. I wish I could visit her. Mary Wolestonecraft would have found the means her [ ] to accumulate, and these rays of hope, which once fully lighted her gloomy destiny gradually to disappear. Write to me soon. Farewell.
Maria Templeton