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Windsor Nov. 22nd wed. 1837. - 11 O.C. at night - Mr. Calhoun. -
How mighty the influence of prominent men. Where and whenever he moves, the public marks him as preluding, portending, or oth erwise effecting an important manouvre. -
If the man is honest, capable and faithful to the constitution and laws and institut[ions?] of his country - a man of transcendent talents, so that man kind in general repose confiden[ce?] in him, he is allowed to be mas ter of his own move. Though most people may not understand the true bearing and des tination of this movement or measure, yet possessing unshaken confidence in the honesty and ability of the distinguished man, consent to remain ignorant a while under the consolation of good and wise intentions; and so are not - anger or blame not the man for what he has done or is about to do. -
But even the most popular and greast men have their foes better and uncompromising, who suspect as covert and and unproper every act the great man attempts. These would contaminate every circle, indeed, the whole world, against him for every public move which they do not understand - blame him as ambitious, selfish, dishonest, inconsistent and every other epithet with which they can asperse him. The man in question is a politi cian. Thus circumstanced, he is a shining target at which all may shoot or gaze with admiration and praise, or hatred and dread. -
The whole country look to him for good or evil. All hope good may follow his works, but many wishing that ill may betide him, not believing of course that good proceeded from him -
Mr. Calhoun of S. Carolina is a fair exemplifi cation of the above remarks. -
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In consequence of his agreeing with the National Executive in one single measure, which however affects not his avowed and well known principles, a great split-up and comminglement of opposite political parties seem to have taken place. Those formerly only prejudiced against now take special delight to traduce him - those of his former friends tired of minorities and thinking they can gain promotion, openly denounce him (a few) as corrupt - and many disagree w differ with him as to his measure yet refuse to give up their old companion and chief. It is believed that the elections of a whole state 'the great empire State have gone against the Administration on account of one measure of this gentleman. What other influence this may have is not yet developed.
Wed 23rd. Man is blameable to a greater extent geneally than the other sex for improper sextual intercourse. This was a topic in conversation. I mention it for future thought. -
Men are not always uniform in their manners - in paying due respect at all times with their associates. This a want of sense and a magnanimous soul. This little village affords themes for comment and clues at human, poor weak human nature. Many of those men who denounce Jackassian against others, are very generally Jackasses them selves. I wont go out of this famous town to show this truth. Money the best and surest passport to society. -
The sayings of wealthy men are treasured up as the wisdom of a [lycurgus?] or the wit of a Themistocles. This is extruding attic salt from asses truly. -
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Windsor Dec. 5th, Tuesday, 1837.
Last week I attended Hertford (Nov. Term) Court. I think I enjoyed myself better that week than I have during the all my stay in Windsor. Somehow or other, I felt relieved of [dressressed?] feeling - I felt a greater freedom of thought - my independence returned home to me. This suppose was because I had returned home. One thing, I was at that time in better health which may be the whole secret. - Had I written every day I might have produced something entertaining In Murfreesboro, for there was during the week I had to smother disgust at the big and selfish notions after for money. I bespoke a suit of clothes. The merchants over polite and over assiduous exaggerated out of conscience. I verily believe though that this conduct caused me to make a considerable bill at one house. My object was to economise a suit of clothes out of some of them, and this is the reason why I made my bill where I did - not that I was smitten by the game of over politeness paid me which the merchant no doubt thought was the cause of my trading with him. When I went into that hoouse I had no notion of making a bill with it - and the only bill I made was there. So much for economy, not for their disgusting attentions - -
Well, I am again returned to my home Windsor and to my business I return posponing composition till I go back to Hertford. Windsor seems uncongenial to com position. -
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Windsor, Dec. 13th, 1837 -
Being sufficiently well at this moment (what I have not for several days past) to contemplate - to write; I sit down to recount the past. My fevered body (affected with chills & fevers) renders my mind dull and heavy. I feel no amusement and can hardly catch it from others. Well last Saturday 9th, I hired a gig and rode twenty miles on a business truly delicate and best known to myself. Had matters ended as I had anticipated, I should have been in violent combat in which some blood might have been spilled. So much siding with me however proved there was a fluttering among the pigieons. "All's well, that ends well."
My precious truth, if ones life anniversary is precious, was the day Sunday. Much I could say in retrospection of the many events, scenes & incident to my life up to this time I am at present in no sentimental vein. I am occasionally dusgusted with human character. I purpose to make a drawing some day or other. May so bad that can not write. -
Windsor seems to be uncongenial to composition
Friday 15th. My health being bad, and my spirits either departed or in a calm, I am of no amusement, not even to myself - company is worthless. Whether the cause of this is Windsor, I am not quite certain but shrewdly guess that it is. Soon as I enter town I am chilled - my body first then my spirits. -
Every body it seems is better one to another. -
Windsor, Dec. 16th Sat. night, 1837. -
I believe much of my unhappiness arises from my not joining in company and enjoying conversation, giving full and clear expression to my opinions - my feelings; and participating in fine humor and intellectual feasts. And why I am unfortunate in this, is bad health. When in bad health, I feel no humore - have no imagination and feel extremely unlearned and more ignorant than those who could afford me grateful Society and joyous pastime, but not more ignorant, I may well say, than many who prate foolishness and nonsense about games, dogs, and horses, and who, thinking me beneath them, would not deign to be high met, with and caught arm locked, with me. But when in health, I feel as it were a being returned from a sleep of stupor, to life and fresh [illegible] ation: then it is, I can combat the frowns and greet the glee of the world - of sneering g jibes, teasing with - the bustle and business of the topsy turvy world man. While unwell I not only can not talk but can not write: the reason is I have no thought, which if I solicit, can not find a channel through which to reach intellect. In this state I can hardly sympathise for myself if I can, it is all I can do: and feeling that none else does for me - I am miserable. - I feel a little better to night. -
In reference to conversation I had this evenign, I learn, that a persons should mind how they make abstract remarks which seeming to shoot thousands may be thought to shoot an individual not intruded.