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4th March, Sat 1837, Oaklawn.
I feel really unhappy this morning I had intended to wait this day to Murfreesboro, thense to Northampton C County It was and is, I thought, my interest and pleasure to do this. Yet every thing tends [inedtly] against me. If this were unavoidable misfortune, my feelings would not be ru[ir]apted, neither would I murmur - But it is neglect of other culpable neglect and bad conduct, affecting me Though the day is fine (rather cold) I am vexed. The pen is no relief - Fr. 10th Arrifed at OakLane this day from North- ampton Court. Where my time was not so agreeably spent as formerly. Sat - 4th Staid all night at Warton (it being two cold to travel in the night further. Sun 5th A fine morning went through M W freesten to the Masonic funeral 6 mules W. if ever in N. ampton Co. A fine parade of masons, a great many people, land several pretty girls - and with all, I was melancholy & unhappy. In my heart I onum adverted Liverly on some folks - Dined at Simmens Barns Esq with ladies & [???] them [???] Here remaind all night. Heresay : through heate well 6th Mon. Went Jackson leaving my horse also gig at Mrs. Owens only 1/2 way of there (gig axel tree breaking) Put up at Writes - Left Jackson Tues 7th and came to Mrs O's Where staid the night - my gig mended Wed 8th left for Murfreesboro, [????] at the Gordon's - after noon came to Winter- here staying until Thursday 9th When I left for T. B. Sharp's where staid until Fri 10th came home. By this Court - trip I realized some money. tis true, yet my enjoyment was small, paying $ 6 - How am I to esteem the man that attaches merit alone to a mere verybob him glittering in the most costly apparel as equipage and wetlers in wealther. Why a mere parasite and nay bob h[???] How important man - ners are. A loud big voide and haughty deportment are intolerable. Refuses to introduce others w ladies because he wants to be the exclusive ladies' man! Such a mon deserve support! pish!!
Oak [?] Mo Tues 14th March, 1837 My present manner of life beyond my control is uncongenial with my feelings, my predelictions, and is the greatest alloy to the earthly enjoyment destined for me. I am fond of [Se---, ---rtion] knowledge: the people in this section of the country have no relish for these things. They aim to render themselves notable and respectable by hoarding wealth, yet business is unprosperous no enterprise, commerce but dull, no [matter] fortunes and business appears all apathetic. So there is nothing which is followed for a livelihood. People here live well are kind, hospitable. As I can not live lonely, I sometimes visit, but none appri ciate learning, none patronize the learned. This will be the 3rd day I have spent in assemblies seeking enjoy ment in vain. 19th March Sunday evening. I am just abstracted from company in which I have freely mingled for a week. During the late sale of the estate of G. Montgomery I was in all sorts of company. I might make many useful observations (to myself) [inspecting] what transpired before my eyes during all this bustle, but to dispatch many things at once, I will just say that while the valuable earnings of my late friend [--] were [cou---ing] under that hammer, my departed friend the [ --- ] [--]was not out of my mind — I was after sorrowful for his decease, for the loss I had sustained as a friend, for the loss our country would sustain by his sad bereavement. But as sorrow bringeth not back the dead, it is wiser to sustain our loss with complacent composure. So I too should return to cheerfulness. At this sale, I plaid a new game. I [---] a house and field with all app[---] and bought [---] [--] three and four thousand loads of first-rate lot [--] for $21.00. Cheap! to speculate all.
[8] I cannot omit mentioning here the events of this day. I was one of a courting party. Yesterday (Sat 18th) in con formity with previous arrangment. I and two others, gentlemen, arrived early at Mrs. [Feny's] in Mill creek where we dined and spent the best part of the in company of young ladies. We past off the time here very agreeably. The wind [---]ing some what, we put off for the river cha[--] took boat [hung] heavily loaded and the waves running high dipped water several times to the fears of all nearly excepting myself. It seems I have a strange constitution against fear. While danger is startng me, then I have a precense of mind which dissipates or prevents fear. We however landed safe. Three in all dressed gentlemen approached the elegant mansion where resided a window, sons and ladies. We were received with becoming respect and time went off cleverly. I mostly however was high in the family as to our business. It devolved on me to introduce the party to the family and a [--] higher part was assigned me ([mir---usly] to introduce the suit. This important part I performed today, by first addressing the beautiful young lady formerly and confidentially in honorable friendship. The way I having paved, the real suitor son after. Waras found opportunity to brouch the delicate topic of matrimony to the lady. To effect this latter, I flatter myself I made a master manouver, all happining better than anticipated. I must have touched her tender feelings favorably, the suiter pleaded perhaps eloquently, the lady talked pretty an interesting and [affect---] girl she. The position I occupied was new to me, and was much less frivolous than may be supposed. Friendship, honor, responsibility all so far seems well, but I am done, the suit must "go a head"! We arrived home safely, and fine evening it is. This country expedition will I think can [--] low imporantance, nothing less than neighborhood talk. Lovers and dealers in love matters should be fertile in expedients like a skillful general. Sat 25th March Many things I might touch upon from what I have observed during the past week
Oak Lawn, March 23th 1836 My pen does sometimes relieve my feelings May it bring me out. I am too sleepy now for reflection or comment. 26th A fine day this. I will amuse myself. Walking out on one morning bright night in a certain county Town, I retired alone along the river banks enjoying the lovely scene and communing with myself. Returning to my boarding house I past along a house in which I heard several voices of both sexes. The character of this house I suspected and so was about to pass on when I heard the voice of a gentleman who I well knew was my intimate friend. For the gratification of curiousity, I thought I would for once see the interior of such a house the character of which I was not certain but suspected. Information I thought was sometimes gained in the very sinks of iniquity while my conscience and my honor interposed to the reserve of my person from so indecent a company: my morals it would seem were about to suffer. But judgement or common sense soon decided. Indulge your curiousity, behold and then judge, but be profited, go not to catch the disease but to cure it. Being a man of the world, in pursuit of knowledge and knowledge some things only by report, therefore know then not at all: being a lawyer who should be bold yet modest, well versed in human nature yet entertaining the noblest and most delicate sentiments: determined therefore to indulge curiousity for the sake of knowledge, I first hesita ting, ascended at length up the high steps, [hailed] and was admited, and lo! man, woman, and and shocking obscenity. Since all of my respectable acquaintance were here and cordially greeted me, Although shocked and indignant for some were married men, I concealed my emotions and to make the best of situation, I apparently thou gh in reality did not, participated, this is seeming to countenance what was before me. Modesty and morals were here put to the [bl--]. Low life, wretched indeed.
The head of this seraglio was in every respect a beautiful girl, a splendid girl to look at. Nature had done much for her in giving her an exquisitely beautiful person and a strong mind- but vice had warped her notions of propriety- she was deficient in one quality and that quality it is which renders the fairest so ethereal so much the angel - the virtue of woman. How I sympathised for poor human nature to see this fairest specimen of her workmanship prostitued to the lowest, meanest, obscenest practices. Here I beheld with my own eyes what I had hitherto only heard and hardly believed - saw it in all its detestable, revolting odium yet I pitied this unfortunate and lost girl to modesty this fallen angel of the lovely fair. My curiosity being satiated with disgust, sorrow and sympathy for this girl expressed her sensibility of her degradations I retired. Soon after I returned to get a borrowed book which I had accidentally left. Farewell abominable sink of [beautiousness] and low [lived] vice. This fell sting of human happiness, the wo! to the fair daughters.
31st?] [H?] My soul is sick of sorrow. Another citizen highly gifted is no more- B. J. Montgo- mery of dear old Hertford Co. Yesterday I saw him through he was quite sick- yesterday he died. This was one of the oldest of business men in the county. For business of the county he had great capacity. For several years Genl. B. J. Montgomery was a member of the State Legislature, in both houses. Here his business capacity was displayed and was said to be the most influential of the members. He was in abilities a powerful man. A handsome and very commanding speaker a debator shewed and unsurpassed. His domestic