11

there & as I entered into company fictitiously gay and lively perhaps as much so as a man could under similar circumstances. In the absence of her of all others to me the most important I found one whose striking resemblance of feature recalled my aid some of the enthusiasm while he her presence or even the semblance of it never fails to inspire. In her presence I experienced the shadow of enjoyment. The reason I did not write to you immediately subsequent to my last visit [below?] was that - that visit gave me no greater incite into the certainty of my fate than before. She was sick abed when I arrived & did not make her appearance till next morning. I saw from her appearance that she had not recovered & know that it was not proper to place my fate at the disposition of a fevered constitution & I felt the indelicacy of engaging a mater of so grave an import at such a crisis knowing the agitation which must be [subsequent?] & proving a [reaction?] on the system which might result unfavourably to my happiness. I told her I expected to be down again about the 1st of July. She in return told me that she was expecting some of her relations from the south on their way to the north & that she would be compelled to go with

there & as I entered into company fictitiously gay and lively perhaps as much so as a man could under similar circumstances. In the absence of her of all others to me the most important I found one whose striking resemblance of feature recalled my aid some of the enthusiasm while he her presence or even the semblance of it never fails to inspire. In her presence I experienced the shadow of enjoyment. The reason I did not write to you immediately subsequent to my last visit [illegible] was that - that visit gave me no greater incite into the certainty of my fate than before. She was sick abed when I arrived & did not make her appearance till next morning. I saw from her appearance that she had not recovered & know that it was not proper to place my fate at the disposition of a fevered constitution & I felt the indelicacy of engaging a mater of so grave an import at such a crisis knowing the agitation which must be sub[illegible] & proving a [illegible] on the system which might result unfavourably to my happiness. I told her I expected to be down again about the 1st of July. She in return told me that she was expecting some of her relations from the south on their way to the north & that she would be compelled to go with