Margaret Bayard Smith Transcription Project

which it had been my intention to read, but -- not one of them had been read! -- How natural is to try & excuse ourselves, but anxious as I may be, I can find none that will now satisfy me for throwing asside these instructive works & reading in their stead those of mere amusement. During the whole of my residence at Spring Hill my mind was strangely diseased I could apply to nothig with effect, & altho' most of the time I had leisure, I had not the fervor to improve it an irresitible & unaccountable melancholy took possession of me; whether it was the lonely wildness of the scenery, the total solitude in which I lived, or the still linger ing remains of sickness, I know not, but never before, or since have I [word] such entire desertion of spirits. When I came back to the City, I busied myself in arrang ing the house & preparing for winter. At this time the hope of being again a mother, gladdened my heart, but it was the occasion during the three successive months, of such extreme sickness, that I could not hold up my head half the time, but lay on the sopha reading novels, when I was well enough to read. James Bayard, arrived & being put under my immediate care, I roused myself to pay those attentions which were necessary. It was my serious & earnest wish, to do all I could to correct those faults to which he had been liable when in New York. Through the day he was busy in the office, but of an evening I read with him & generaly in french. The opening of the session of Congress, enlived the city, I entered into society, but with little interest, In part of December Susan Smith arrived; I then saw more company & went more into society, that is more into rooms crowded with persons whom I neither knew or cared for; -- How many tedious evenings have I passed in what is called gay company. As I