Letter from Harry Massey to Barbara Massey

Letter No. 70. Sunday 7 Sep. Major J H Massey, 6th Palestinian Coy, The Buffs, M.E.F.

My own sweet Barbara,

It is now Monday - I did not progress very far yesterday as sleep overtook me in the afternoon, & I had to work most of the evening. I had run into a man who was on the Duchess of York, & we had rather a large & long lunch session, for which he insisted on paying. Your No 52 came today - so,recently, I have had nos 44, 46, 47, 60, & 52. Nos 45, 48, 49, & 51 being still missing - I cannot think why this should be.

Thank you darling for your sympathy about my rash, I sent you an A.G. the other day to say it was better, thanks to a specialist I was sent to. And if it ever comes back, I have the right stuff to stop it at once. Sweetheart, the question of purity - I hope you did not misunderstand me, or that I did not sow a seed of doubt in your mind. I'm sure I did not, I cannot have done - but this long range correspondence is so difficult, & it must be quite easy really to say something in not quite the right sense, & then have it taken up the wrong way, & especially so now we both read each others letters so thoroughly & carefully in order to extract the full meaning, & the feeling & the mood of the other when writing them. If you were ever to give me permission to be unfaithful, I should feel that the world had come to an end, & that you did not care what I did or what happened to me. Love & passion, & just sex all by itself, have no meaning to me at all apart

2. from you my sweetest. I think about you very passionately very often - but never a single second does taht make me want to go for any woman, lady, girl or such like out here. That would be incidious & just silly & also disgusting & horrible. Because I am thinking of you & I get very worked up & excited & sad & filled with longing for you, & then it passes off, as it must do - until the next time I think about you in such a way. Our life, & happiness & love have been so perfect - & this is only an interval until they are so & moreso again. I really believe we are exceptional, & therefore exceptionally lucky. For example, this man I lunched with yesterday, is 40 next Monday, & really looks no more than 30. And he says that the reason he looks so young, & his wife at the age of 33, the same- is because they has been married for 10years, & have been terribly happy & contented. And yet, he was spending the weekend with a girl in Haïfa - he told me of a pretty nurse he slept with at Ismaia - & he was going off to Beirut today, & had somebody there. And he has his wife's tacit approval, for this sort of thing - though I should not think to such an extent. Well - What I mean is this - these people have obviously been very happy & are going to be so again. But I am quite certain that they are never going to reach the heights & depths & marvels of happiness that we do. This makes our separation harder for us - but only in a way. I have a very fine feeling about you & me, & painful

3. & miserable as it is - the past & more especially the future are very encouraging & fortifying. Im going to bed sweet - I was up at 4-0 am on Wed & Fri - & it will be the same time this Wed - & so I must have 8 hours tonight. I wonder how my ma knows that the war is going to be over in November? Oh dear - if only we could know that she was right. I feel that this move of mine is in the right direction, you know, Lydda may not be nearer to London or Plymouth or Leeds or Bradford in miles & yards - but it is on the way to Port Said or Alexandria from which ports we should embark for England. Anyway, it is nice to think in this way, & I insist on doing so. Goodnight, angel sweetheart. Love, hugs, kisses to you, H. Tuesday 9 Aug. I have been going round saying goodbye to people this morning. I have been here nearly seven months, which is quite a time to be in one place. The Area Commander thanked me very much, said I had done jolly well, & that the Coy had put up a bloody fine show - & he wished me, & the Coy the best of luck in the future, which was very pleasant of him, really. His Staff Captain thanked me for my invaluable help & cooperation. And so I seem to be getting out of here with a clean nose, as they say - & a good enough reputation. The one thing that worries me now is how much staff we shall be short of in these ruddy barracks & what the damages will be. I also said farewell to Uncle Warburton - & this evening I am having a drink with him & Jack Hopkins. And Dan Christie is coming

4. in for a beer after dinner. And that is all - & shows just how social I have been in the last seven months. Its just about on the same scale of friend making that we achieved in Bradford district, isnt it darling? We both seem able to make very good & dear friends when we want to - but so very few of them. So Kenneth is having more leave, you said in your letter of Jul 30. The little pimp always seems to be having leave, or sick leave or more leave - it seems ridiculous to me, who has now been away from you for nearly a year. How disgusting of Peggy to laugh & be unkind when you feel upset. But then she is pretty stupid - she would have to be to marry Kenneth & remain satisfied with him. Gosh - I can understand you being dismayed at the idea of having to be in the same small house with him for a week. As you remember, I could never even talk to him for five minutes at a time.

Maxie sounds really lovely & you describe him beautifully. It is really very sad not to know one's own baby & to be with him when he is growing up from a fat little nothing into a fat little person & then a fat little boy. Please do go on telling me as much as you can about him when you write. It is really interesting & comforting - & I expect when I come home, we shall get acquainted very quickly if I have time to talk to him & look at him.

Your pc of 13 Aug at last told me that you liked the clothes & things I sent from Cairo

5. The duty was a bit heavy, wasn't it. But I did not have any to pay at this end. And I'm sorry the stockings were 9 instead of 9 1/2 - you say that makes them a bit short for you. Oh sweetheart - if only I was there with you - that would mean more of your sweet, soft legs to kiss, when we made love before getting undressed. Warm & lovely & exciting.

Your no 49 has just arrived - so that is one of the missing ones. Also a rather dreary one from my mother about the same old things - Simon - & Aunt Sarah sitting in the garden - & the Miles Knolles. And wouldn't we like to call Max, William, after Daddy's grandfather. I'm afraid I had never even heard of him. She did not think Max went as well with Massey. (But Billy Massey is even worse than Harry Massey) She said in the middle of all this - 'However it is nothing to do with me.' And then at the end started off 'However' & then remembered she had already said & so crossed it out. I much preferred Granny's method of writing exactly what she thought - & leave it or lump it. Do you remember darling when she wrote to me & told me I must never marry you because you would never be able to put up with Bradford. Bradford is an impossible place - but we were very happy at the time, & we have been happier & happier ever since. I have been to the Hopkins & said goodbye. They are very kind, really they are, & they are genuinely fond of me & sorry to see me depart. It is very pleasant