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Letter No. 87 Sunday 14th Dec.
Major J.H. Massey 6 Palestinian Coy. The Buffs
My own sweet darling Barbara
I am terribly anxious to write you a loving happy really interesting letter because I feel that my letters for the last few weeks at least have been far from bright - rather dull, & bitter about everything in general - not very loving either. But it is difficult darling especially to be interesting & cheerful. It is not easy to be loving when I feel so flat & miserable, lonely & sexless. I'm very sorry we ever left the last place now. I had the Hopkins to go & see there where I could relax & chat & be chatted to by reasonably intelligent people & the H.Q. staff people were pleasant & good to work with & there was excellent 'restaurant' to go have a meal from time to time; & everything was handy & easy to reach. But here it is all very difficult - the Area Staff are dull & silly & boring. I have no friends - & my determination to have as much money as possible is so strong, that I just cannot bear to spend 10 of it to go into Tel Aviv, where everything is so bloody expensive when you get there. And this place is so damning great flat piece of ground surrounded by barbed wire. And this camp is foul too - the heavy rains have now started. It is a vast sea of mud. And the mud is of a kind which you have never seen before- it sticks & you only have to touch with your boot. You have at least a pound stuck to the soles. And as soon as it begins to get dry again, down lashes the pelting rain again. And my room is so old & miserable & tonight I am wearing my great coat to keep warm as I write. With its concrete floor & composition walls & corrugated
of the doors & windows which fit about as well as those reach - no 4 dozen suits you used to want me to buy. The roof is just suspended over the top of the walls not fixed on at all & so the wind just comes straight through But I suppose my is a comparatively good due, I do get 3/0 per day Field Alowance.
[image: handrawn house with rooftop not touching the walls, indicating 8" opening)
I set out not to do at the beginning of this letter but seeing I cannot help it. If only I could see you & Maxie just once every few weeks - what a difference, it would make.
Hanging on for a reply to my application is also very wearing. It is now over 3 weeks since I wrote my letter by all calculations, the reply, if any, should be any day now. It is also 3 weeks since I had a letter from you & my mind seems to be full of nothing else. And perhaps because of these things, I seem to have lost interest & enthusiasm in everything. I seem to take things so seriously & heavily my letters to you are perfected. And I seem to have lost the art of just chatting along to you in my letters. But there is this one all important thing in my mind all the time & nothing else matters. Since the answer which I receive is a sickening negative you will have had my No first. I'm afraid you will find my ranting & gramblings rather boring- But I cannot