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Ridicule on would be poets- [Orator's?] headline.
I have read all day poetry [?] romance Into some happy mood my mind to [?] As the evening grows on, I grow dull and [thed?] I feel no further pleasure, so [?] [retired?].
Here alone and [?], not-out-the family's [muse?] Something noble to elate me in my mind to [poise?]- sew thought to salient, channels intellectual open, A [reverie?] of mutual pasture my feelings unfrozen.
Some [hustle?] our fathomed from [?] of [?] may furnish [?] [?] for the wiese to [sea?] A new idea thus call up for others to aprove So I may no [?] any [?] [?] [?] love.
But the great-secret-of my quieres is just logic that magie which lifted from the map a [?] A [mekster?] and exemplified that love and project So [?] [used?] on earth [?] their [?] [?] to the moon. 14th [?]-
Plague the greedy my of poetry making, who would suppose to the moon I'd been [shaping?] [I?] of [?] poets horse refined with fire and pleased in [?] [?] But on a [?] [?], [smelling?] to [moon?] [?] [?].
Pegasus is not to be [?] [?] by every [?] rhymer, who mounts him- a divine land is a [?] [?]. [Thus?] may be [deed?] for [?] of no [?] Im the best of poets, I hold no [?]
A [wave?] I am, that [?] rhyming is [?] Who is thus a poet sacrifices [?] if he,s [?] Feeling thought and fire, in [?] [mental?] pleasure This, all of poetry, I claim as the orater's treasure. 15th April 1837. The weather today is cloudy, cool, [?] [?] and [?] gaudy. [foleage?] and gorgeous beauties.
Oaklawn wed. 19th, 1837 Been sick all this week Monday I devoted as well as I could to law [(chutly's M.)?] Tuesday lay a bed all all day. with consederable fever. This morning I [?] up but fell not in mood for study as [?] ned as this occupation is. I believe it is a pretty day out doors. [?] out might inspire a sentemental turn of mind with [?] well feeling. [law?] too unwell this morning for a walk. Being too unwell to study law. I took up a novel having too much fever to appreciate the enchanting [pleadines?] of that, I [know?] by books and [?] my writing sheets. At this time I aim [devoued?] of useful and pleasing enjoyment. I am [writing?] under pain which I fear will [?] it- leaves me will give me much Godily [?], and for many days confinement in the house. As I can not therefore read, yet feeling not too ill to be idle I [?] my pen to afford me heat solace which books and contemplation do not give. I often like to contemplate, alone to myself on what I have and [?] would wish to know to look on the vista of the past and gather such knowledge as will enable me of [?] to [?] at as with the power of prophecy. But this self [communication?] I are to no mood for now. Perhaps to drive in [?] with [?] with [?] in [found?] may letter attain my object the best enjoyment of my m[?] and while I spell [?] a noble thought to my view [record?] it [?] it vanish, eluding all [?] [?] [?]. Here it [?] however I am gut [?] fully in [?] to say admirable The 13, where thou [?] not a [?] saying in all this [?]. The truth is I am to [?] disposed to avail myself of any thing like [?] [effort?]. The aching of my knee discourages me. [?] [?] [?] of [?] matured well never forget [?]- [?] habits- they regret every moment of compulsive [?]. The very birds of the forest track a good [?] in behalf of [?]. Listen- how eagerly and cheerfully they chirp and fly from one branch to another and how closely employed in this ornithological [?]. Is not this [?].
Oaklawn Friday 19th May 1837 I seem to have awoke from a slumber of six weeks not without the sensibility of acute pain. yea severe all this time Much precious time all this at least, I have lost forever and can never regain much valuable reading and several important things I hoped to have a [?] during this time thus lost in consequence of my affection. But so it is. The spring is in full bloom, all the attractions arising from fishing which was a great business this year, having past without my participation in the pleasures. While men were busy and pleased worshipping the Mammon of this and that wordly project, I writhed in pain, no doubt forgotten by most of them professing to be my friends when I was well who visited consoled and sympaththised with me while I was sick par[ching?] with fever and tortured with pain on my bed confined. One, two, three, no more I should liked to have been visited by my select neighbourhood fri- ends. I discover by experience however that the neighborhood peasantry are the true friends to the sick. These in future shall share more of my regard in addition to the [?] I have ever entertained for them. The affluent and gay forget a friend so soon that it is a demonstra- tion that there are no true friends without inter- est. A few weeks absence either by death or tem- porary exile alienate friends. After a little absence meet your old acquaintance why he seems not so glad to see you as if he had been in your company nearly every day previous especially at a [?] -no [?] the of reception but cold formality. Such is the case in this neighborhood, as war- m hearted friends and the people are to one another while well & minding their business. Why is it so? this I think ill breeding arising from shall- ow education and but little knowledge of the world- of human nature and of man's duty either from reading or travelling. In telli gent persons who love to expatiate on knowledge in conversation feel and know the value of intelli gent acquaintances, love their society and regret their absence. And when sickness or death intervenes real concern and sorrow follow as certain as they love knowledge and accomplishments.
19 These reflexions are forced on my experience. I could but mark with surprise yesterday the cold concern of a gentleman unquestionably my friend when I was well. He had not seen me in many week, knew I was very ill. Long acquaintance, esteem, and often professional friendship, one would suppose, would [short] ly have manifested warrent of feeling and sympathy. Such would have been the case I k now with myself: for thus much of myself I know. As we naturally respect those only who sympathize with us, so we must [for] [-- titled] from the demeanour of people tow ards us while we are afflicted by particular circumstances. From this consideration I shall yield to the impulse of feeling rather than [for--]. I shall not visit a man merely beccause he ranks high in his fellow man's esteem to [--] people to now that such distinguished character is my firend. A certain lofty independence tempered properly with sense and magnimity is necessary to man among his fellow worms of this world. Dollars and cents or its representative are the only bail to ensure a fulll attendance by every body on the sick, therefore wo! be to the sick one that [have] much money. This may be thought by some a hard reflection by a Christian man and woman, but it is as true as the preaching that hard money will make people hard hearted if this is [p--] gain, or soft hearted a very turtle dove or angel if that be the way to gain, not men's disinterested friendship men's interest on the hundred or thousand dollars in hulks huge as leviathans. Good wine, rich cookery too disguise and make friends. Thus is the world. Disgust with the world! A better in eternity should be prepared for. All this proves "an honest man is the noblest work of God." True sterling honesty can not bind to slow deception hypocrisy and mean avarice at the expense of proper friendship nobleness and dig nity of human nature. So ends.
20 Oak Lawn Tues, 30th May 1837 After a long respite I again take up my pen. Still my health is bad, am confined to the house, can't go out without riding and no pleasure at that. So far, this has been a cool and generally dry spring. Crops are said to be more backward, that is [shorted], than usual fruit trees were full of fruit but fruit it is said has dropped off in consequence of the cool weather it is though. Never enjoyed myself so little of a spring in many years, in the country. The Association of the Baptists offered the first company that I visited since my confinement. This was at [Coleraine]. There were many preachers and Many people among who however I could not mingle. The 1st day I went (Sat, I sat in the house witness ing business and hearing debates. heard a sermon and a an piece at the stage. The 2nd day same, heard three good discourses. I conversed with but very few and regretted I was unable to pay respects to the ladies who were man y and beautiful. This day after preaching I was dunned for money by an almost missionary who was just glutted with thousands by fishing. It being the first time I was ever dunned for money which I countd not pay almost at once and this added to the circumstances and extraordinary occaision on which it was done, mortified me. But I was not browbeaten. I dispatched of the bloated pocket with firmness for the present. This circumstance may be no disadvantage to me. When dunned, I feel a dependence grating to my feelings, and that moment determined if possible to be independent. I feel at this moment a sort of alientation of friendly feeling between myself and this gentleman (for such he was) with I had long lied in very intimate frie ndship. A thought struck me which I had often ob served in other men to be true; What the man indebted to his friends & unable to pay them who remind him to do so considers himself forsaken by his old friends & forsaken. But now the remedy, First pay your debts,