Phillips Family Papers

sound [?] Majesty - I never leave the Throne of Grace, but with a Horror; and yet at the next Return of Duty, I repeat the Provocation: Could I never have believe that my Powers would be less engaged in an application to the Lord of the Universe, for benifits of infinite Concern than in attending to any little frivolous Narration, did not the Fact declare it? - How amazing is it that while the latter is natural, and almost in unavoidable the reapeatedprogress. Resolutions are ineffectual to the former. How is it with you my sister? Am I singular herein? -- Am I of all who make any Pretensions to Piety the least entitled? or are others alike absurd? -- What more daring Provocation can a Mortal be guilty of? -- What higher Affront can his declared Enemies offer, than in pretended solemn Supplications, to pray away after Vanity? -- With what Face then shall his professed Friends appear? How can they hope for an answer of Peace? or rather, how can we help fearing the terrible Shocks of his Vengeance! Were but the Thoughts of

Our Hearts in all its various Rovings, while concerned is one of these publick Duties, coin'd in Words how should we be struck at a Review! How should we blush at such an Application to an Equal, for a common Favor! -- But that Omnipotence should receive such insults from impotence itself - what can equal it! -- Most certainly if God is just, - (or rather if he is God) he will inflict on such daring impiety (if unrepented of) a Misery as far surpassing our conception as - is the Guilt of the Crime: -- We, I have said intending the black Class(?) only, whoever they are I fear to think how high a Place, I deserve in it, [begin underline] All, [end underline] I believe have part in the Charater: -- But I hope my true Friend has least Foundation, for the bitterest Self-accusations: -- This is a Sin, little, far too little realiz'd by theGenerality, the very often repeated, which is one great Reason -- This what I never so fairly consider'd, as I have in the Course of my Examination of my own Quallifications for the sacred ordinance of the Supper; Recollecting the several Parts of the holy Rite, I soon found that I had already daily engaged in a Branch the most Solemn; To my [?] fervent Prayers that I may never more so horridly preform it shall be added the warmest Endeavors of your [begin underline] true [end underline] Brother

Saturday A.M.

That Solitude of [begin underline] the best of Sisters, [end underline] her Brothers greatest Happiness, which is evidently manifest in every Line she writes, must dissolve his very Soul, if it is not [begin underline] Insensiblility [end underline] itself: -- While every Action of your Life, and every Thought of your Heart, to which I have been privy, produce in me the highest Esteem for their happy Subject, the full Persuasion of my Dearness to such Virtue fills me with a joy, that I never suspected myself capable of; I say a [begin underline] full persuasion, [end underline] for its impossible I should have a fuller - Every Feature of her Countenance plainly speaks the kindest Affection, and to assure me they are not the general Language of a Heart overflowing with unbounded Benevolence, I have the Word of one, whose perfect integrity I have a no less absolute Assurance of, than of my own Existence: -- After I had recieved the firm Persuasuion of your tender regard, you could not have fill'd your Paper more to my Wish, than you did the last: I was cons(???) that were I to devote every Moment of my Time,

I should be unable to give an adequate Testimony of that true Esteem of which I found myself possess'd: I know I should never be able to express what I felt, that I must content my self with an Incapacity of making Returns, anything equal to the generous Favours I was [crossed out] so happy in, from you, I was ardently desirous of catching every opportunity that could be found in (???) Life (Long enough, but ^for^ such a rational Entertainment) to enjoy my [begin underline] true [end underline] Friend; - The use though, - of Pleasure I found in every Communication inspired with an inextinguishable Thirst for a frequent sip, till I might partake of a fuller Draught -- But when I view'd my circumstances, I saw it was impracticable for me to converse so often as would be most agreeable to me, or as you might justly conclude, the unbounded Regard I profess'd, would oblige me: -- Yet how am I rejoiced upon finding you so anxious for my careful Improvement of these golden Hours, that you can't impute any omissions of my Duty to you, to any thing related to Coldness or Indifference, but that they will rather incite a generous Pity for one exposed to so [begin underline] severe [end underline] a Mortification as will attend every Misfortune of this cast; And I must tell you I can't but hope so much from

Your Goodness, as to flatter myself with a fond Expectation that you wont confine yourself to my Number of Epistles, but employ every Interval, that is not more agreably engaged, in imparting the highest Delight to your Brother, a Delight peculiar to yourself, which every other mortal united might in vain pretend to: Have you frequenlty offered to apollogize for the copiousness or frequency of your Productions? Could I have ever mistrusted anything like this? -- Pray rather for the future, let the most insignificant (insignificant only in comparison) of your thoughts supply their Place; -- If at any time you desire to see me on a more cheerful key write my sister! (while speach is deny'd) write if but one Line, and you have your Wish (if any thing can do it) give me even a Blank: as a token of your Regard and I'm happy: Many Clauses in your demand my particular attention to which I must again desire you to look for an Answer another Day; I wish for a nearer intercourse, that our thoughts might have redi(???) (???) but a Reflection on the great unexpected Attainment I have already made Quiet every wave. -- I have already taken up

The most of my time without entering upon the Subject which I have before wanted to introduce and intended should mainly ingross my Pen, at this Time: My Design was to communitcate to my [begin underline] pious [end underline] Sister some of the Agitations of my breast upon a Question of the [begin underline] last importance deeply [end underline] interesting to [begin underline] all [end underline] Mankind, especially to all who sit under the Light of the Gospel, but is[begin underline] most inoxcably [end underline] neglected by all who are under the [begin underline] strongest Obligations [end underline] to their Duty, by [begin underline] such [end underline] are unremitted Succession of Favours, as I have recieved, from my heavenly Father, -- I want to ask my Sister, [begin underline] when it is a Persons Duty, publickly to seal his Engagements to the Lord? Here I want a Friend indeed;[end underline] Now I [begin underline] long [end underline] to be in a Capacity to receive from your Lips what it would cost too much time for you to imprint with your Pen, [begin underline] This [end underline] is a Question that has for [begin underline] Years closely engaged [end underline] my Mind, and is to this Day unsettled; I know what Qualifications [begin underline] will [end underline] entitle a Person to this exalted Priviledge; But the labouring Point is, what are the Qualifications upon which he [begin underline] may [end underline] approach the holy Table; It is the most reasonable Duty of everyone, [begin underline] long long [end underline] before I now can but the thou(???) of Christs long before I now can, But the [begin underline] Atrocity [end underline] of Christs [begin underline] Enemies [end underline] sitting there with his [begin underline] Children chills every Vein [end underline] at thought of [begin underline] my Unworthyness; [end underline] O! my Sister! (if possible speak [begin underline] intelligently [end underline] to my [begin underline] Stupid -- Stupid [end underline] Soul! And when presenting your Brother to our common Father, be particularly ^solicitous^ for the [begin underline] Illuminations [end underline] of his [begin underline] Spirits [end underline] for such Degrees of [begin underline] Holiness & Sanctification, [end underline] that when you join in the Comunion of Saints, you may there find

(turned sideways) [begin underline] your constant Friend [end underline]

Friday Morning 10 O'Clock An invariable Desire to be conversing more immediately with any true Friend, prompt me to shut every Door, that would admit confusion; I retire from the family, and for an hour will devote myself to the delightful employment of Reasoning with him; -- Sensible that he is the subject of [begin underline] every [end underline] thought, he will not be surprised to behold (often) some of those Ideas which this firm attachment supplies me with.

I am ever present with you and attend you in the various Duties incumbent on you; I frequently repair with you to the Fountain which is calculated for the refreshment of the weary soul; there I often meet you and almost exhaust myself in tender Sympathetic Accents.

But why do I attempt to deliniate the tenderness which possesses my Soul? Since I am [begin underline] certain, [end underline] that no lanuguage can paint what I feel! What a satisfaction would it be to me, could you but have the true Picture of my Heart [begin underline] ever [end underline] before you! That you might be apprised of [begin underline] every [end underline] particular [begin underline] Motion [end underline] of it; See how it is affected by the variety of occurances which happen, and be made perfectly acquainted with the most [?]tired Ideas of my Mind! -- I want my Brother should know how I am affected by every circumstance that occurs through

Life; that he might be able to advise me how to alter my conduct. I often wish for Language to paint my feelings upon the Receipt of many Incidents, which might appear too Trifling to engage the Attention of any other upon Earth; To you my dearest Friend I can with pleasure apply for advice in cases which twou'd be term'd great weakness to mention to any other; For this intimate communication I now suffer many an unpleasant Moment! but - for [begin underline] this [end underline], tis my greatest happiness to think I am a Candidate! [crossed out] I wou'd ask my Judicious Brother whether I am right in disapproving the general disaffection some are too apt to express against the [begin underline] world [end underline] whenever they are assaulted by the unfriendly Disasters of it? We often hear People exclaim loudly against it; wish to be dismised from it; and express a constant uneasiness, if [begin underline] every [end underline] thing does not turn and exactly to their wish: -- Me thinks this is not the Langauage of the Heart perfectly tuned, to those Notes which express the good, the virtuous Character!

Suppose we meet with [begin underline] heavy [end underline] sorrows: Did not Sufferings of the deepest dye, make a part, a conspicuous part of that Sacred Character, which is exalted on high for an Example to all the ^rational^ inhabitants of this Lower World? Why should any then, at the arrival of an unpleasing Circumstance wish for the deprication of that Life, which is indulged him as a space to obtain the Character, and fulfil the

appointment of a true son of the Most high?

I [begin underline] have [end underline] been foolish myself often in this way; when I have been [thawrted??] in my imaginations of happiness; and have been nearly touched by the Calamities of Life (for which I have I hope sincerely repented, and beg'd forgiveness from the offended Majesty of Heaven) but it is now an unfailing cause of grief whenever I hear any one speak lightly of the opportunity [begin underline] Life [end underline] affords us to prepare for a blessed Eternity;

I know to bear Misfortunes with a steady Mind; in [begin underline] severe [end underline] Afflications such as the loss of tender Friend (which I can but think the greatest of all, and calls for the strongest Effects of Religion) to appear composed, and be able to look on everyside, and say with chearfulness to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, [begin underline] "Thy Will be Done" [end underline] is a highth of perfection few, very few are so happy as to attain; But is it not my Friend, a State of mind we ought above al things to be solicitous to reach? Is there any Requisition of Time equal; or even to be mention'd in the same year with this lonely inestimable Blessing! Is not this that Pearl of great Prize, which we shou'd part with every thing to purchase? --

To regulate our thoughts on this Subject let us examine carefully how we resent the

Providence wich nearly touch us; what are our Ideas of those occarances, which the World Terms injurious; Let us be critical in search of the true Notices of Concern, which we are so often subject to -- In this search, shall we not sometimes find that we [afisc] very different Ideas to Things from what we ought? are we not too apt to [begin underline] resent [end underline] Chastisements as inflicted by a [begin underline] Mercyless [end underline] Judge, rather that [begin underline] Accept [end underline] them as from the [begin underline] perfect [end underline] Wisdom of a [begin underline] tender, compasionate [end underline] Friend; a [begin underline] kind, affectionate Father [end underline], and bountiful [begin underline] Benefactor? [end underline] -- I would fain with my Friend be zealously inclin'd to Examine our [begin underline] Heart [end underline] that we may be apprised of every Mistake there, and I wou'd never cease to acknowledge with him our intire dependance upon Omnipotence for every Illumination, for every Power, to act, to Speak, to think aright: -- with him then I wou'd fall prostrate, before the Throne of the most High; There wou'd I beg for you ^the^ perfect regulation of every Idea, that you may be enabled to live in every Respect, up to the sacred Character you sustain -- Oh my Brother, may you be supported under every ^present^ trial, prepared for [begin underline] every [end underline] future Event. Thus may you [begin underline] enjoy [end underline] Life whether longer, or more contracted; be every happy in the advantages of Friendship and finally join me in those bless'd abode which it will be one great Pleasure of our Lives frequently to convene of and strive to figure out. Adue then [begin underline] dear [end underline] Friend, thou love'd Partner of my [begin underline] All [end underline]! may Angels whisper Peace throughout to you & yours!